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Her Cheatin' Mind

‘Her Cheatin' Mind’

Season 5, Episode 3 -  Aired October 3, 1995

Tim feels insecure when he learns that the member of Jill's book discussion group she's been spending time with is a guy.

Quote from Tim

Chris: So the only character you liked was the handyman?
Tim: No. I think the hero of this fine novel would have to be the husband. [all laugh]
Chris: He was the quintessential dullard.
Tim: Well, dullard or mallard, I don't care. She was married and only her husband should be allowed near Madame's ovaries.


Quote from Tim

Jill: So, don't you have a poker game tonight?
Tim: You know, I thought I'd blow it off tonight.
Jill: What?
Tim: In the hopes of joining the book group.
Jill: Tim, to participate in this book group you have to have read Madame Bovary.
Tim: Ah, yes! Flaubert's brilliant psychological profile... of a woman in search of transcendence.
Sharon: I think that's a very astute synopsis.
Tim: Well, I've always been a very astute synopsizer.

Quote from Jill

Randy: Just got a little book to read. Tale of Two Cities.
Tim: Don't play a tape! Read the book, will ya, Randy?
Randy: I got the idea from you.
Tim: Well, don't tell your mom you got the idea from me.
Randy: Don't worry, Dad. She's not gonna find out.
Male Narrator: [on tape] A Tale Of Two Cities by Charles Dickens. "It was the best of times. It was the worst of times..."
Jill: [on tape] It's going to be the worst of times for you if you don't turn this off and go read the book! Oh, and I don't care what your father told you.
Tim: Hey, fast-forward past that thing.

Quote from Tim

Mark: I have to define a pronoun.
Tim: Pronoun? That's easy. Pronoun is a noun that gets paid what an amateur noun would do for free.
Mark: I'll just wait for Mom.
Jill: Hi. Honey, what are you still doin' up?
Mark: I needed help with my homework. I have to define a pronoun.
Jill: OK, a pronoun is a word that takes the place of a noun. Like, if you were to say, "It's between you and me." "It", "you" and "me" would all be pronouns.
Tim: Both definitions are considered acceptable.

Quote from Wilson

Wilson: You see, many women feel that the most important ingredient in a fulfilled relationship is meaningful conversation. In the words of the French novelist, Alain Le Sage, "The pleasure of talking is the inextinguishable passion of a woman."
Tim: Which is why we call them the opposite sex: we like sex and they like the opposite.
Wilson: You see, Tim, for a woman, intellectual stimulation with a man can be the strongest bond of all. That deep connection allows her to think of him as her soul mate.
Tim: That sounds like pretty heavy stuff.
Wilson: Oh, if you're the one who found your soul mate, it certainly is.
Tim: You're telling me a guy can make a woman a soul mate just by talking to her?
Wilson: Well, it depends on how good the talk is.
Tim: [grunting] Sittin' in the Camaro, talkin'... Could be... hour and a half... [mumbles]
Wilson: It'd have to be a hell of a lot better than that.

Quote from Tim

Tim: There's no better way to read a classic than in a classic car. Pop that thing in.
Male Narrator: [on tape] Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert. A brilliant psychological portrait which searingly depicts a woman's mind in search of transcendence...
Tim: Fast-forward it. Fast-forward it.
Male Narrator: [on tape] Innocent maidens with tears on their cheeks were kissing turtle doves through the bars of a Gothic cage...
Tim: Fast-forward! Fast-forward!
Male Narrator: [on tape] Little pieces of embroidery.
Tim: Oh, man, turn it over! Maybe there's something better on the other side.

Quote from Tim

Jill: Who is Lestiboudois?
Tim: The village handyman.
Chris: What an interesting perspective. I've never heard anyone discuss Madame Bovary from the point of view of the handyman!
Jill: That's because he has absolutely no relevance to the story.
Tim: Au contraire. He was the one that set up all the chairs for the fair.
Sharon: I kind of see what you're saying. If Lestiboudois hadn't set up the chairs, Madame Bovary would not have been able to sit next to Rodolphe.
Tim: My point exactly.

Quote from Tim

Chris: What's your feeling on Rodolphe, Tim?
Tim: Roldolphe, Tim? I'm not real clear on his character at this point.
Jill: You don't remember the main love interest in the story?
Jane: A sensitive man like Tim was probably more drawn to Leon.
Tim: Yes, I was. And, uh, forgive me, Leon was the one that...
Chris: The man that she connected with on a deeper level.
Tim: Ah.
Chris: Madame Bovary's soul mate.
Tim: Soul mate?
Jane: Madame Bovary was going to leave her dimwitted husband for him.
Tim: [grunts] I didn't like Leon. I don't like that.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Honey, these days men and women cannot be just friends.
Jill: Really? What about you and Heidi?
Tim: Heidi? She's not my friend, she's a co-worker. To me, Heidi's just Al with less facial hair and a better physique.
Jill: Right, I get 'em mixed up myself.
Tim: The point is, I wouldn't be sittin' in Heidi's Camaro. And if I did, I'd know what year it was.
Jill: Tim, this is a ridiculous conversation. If you had a female friend who shared your interests, I would not get all crazy about it.
Tim: Oh. Is that a fact? So if I start hanging out with this beautiful woman that knew all about big-block 454s, you'd trust me?
Jill: Yeah, I would.
Tim: Now you tell me.

Quote from Randy

Tim: I had to stop by the bookstore.
Randy: Sorry, Dad. I got hit in the head with the puck. I just thought- I just thought you said "bookstore"! Ha!
Tim: I did say bookstore. Your mom's book discussion group is stopping by the house next week and I'm gonna read the book they're reading.
Randy: Why?
Tim: To prove I'm just as interested in reading as the next guy.
Randy: Is the next guy also reading in Dolby Stereo?

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