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My Son, the Driver

‘My Son, the Driver’

Season 6, Episode 20 -  Aired April 1, 1997

Jill is nervous when Brad passes his driving test and decides to go out with his friends.

Quote from Tim

Jill: All right. Obey all traffic laws, especially no speeding. Keep that seat belt fastened. No kids drinking, smoking. No sex, no drugs.
Jill: Or anything else.
Brad: What else is there?
Tim: Plenty. All right... No oval shots in parking lots or doing doughnuts in people's lawns. And absolutely, absolutely... no mooning while the car's in gear.
Jill: What about when it's not?
Tim: Use your best judgment.


Quote from Wilson

Brad: I'm gonna need a pretty big tow truck to pull me out of this mess.
Wilson: So, you're saying that if your father found out you hit another car, he would view that as an unforgivable offense?
Brad: Yeah.
Wilson: Well, Brad, it seems to me he might consider lying a far worse offense.
Brad: So either way, I'm in deep yak butter.
Wilson: [sighs] You know, Brad, the novelist Han Suyin had some very choice words for situations like this. "Truth, like surgery, might hurt. But it cures."
Brad: Yeah. My mom and dad also have a few choice words for situations like this. But, I'm not allowed to say 'em.

Quote from Tim

Jill: Well, who cares about the car?
Tim: It's a classic Nomad.
Jill: Well, I was more concerned about our son.
Tim: I was concerned, but now he's OK, I just wanna what kind of damage he did.
Jill: Well, it couldn't be as bad as when you dropped that three-ton beam on it.
Doug: Wait. You dropped a beam on a classic Nomad?
Tim: Yeah, yeah. You know... the up side was I got to cherry it out, I dropped a big block in it.
Doug: Oh, man! I sure hope that car's OK.
Patty: Doug. Shut up.

Quote from Tim

Brad: Dad, I need to talk to you about something.
Tim: I think I know what you're gonna say.
Brad: You do?
Tim: Yup. For dinner tonight, you want a big steak. Thick and fatty. A big baked potato, smothered in sour cream and butter. And a three-pound onion loaf.
Brad: Actually...
Jill: [enters] Hey, guys. So, Brad, where do you want to go to dinner tonight?
Tim: No girlie salad bar. This boy is screaming for meat.

Quote from Al

Al Unser Sr.: I'm Al, Senior. This is Al, Junior. And this is just Al.
Al: Well, you're never "just an Al." It's great to have you on the show.
Al Richard Unser: Nice to meet you, Mr. Borland.
Al: Oh, please! Let's not be so "form-Al." You see, around Tool Time we're pretty "casu-Al."
Tim: [chuckles] Keep that up and "A'll" be ripping up your contract.

Quote from Al

Tim: Come on over here, guys. All right. Just generally, tell us the difference between a racing engine - and a passenger car engine, Al. [Als talk] Stop! Stop! Stop! Um... I'm talking about this Al.
Al Unser Sr.: Well, it's a methanol engine instead of a gas-burning engine.
Al: And I believe the heads are made from "Al-luminum." It's my favorite "Al-loy."

Quote from Brad

Brad: I'm too nervous to eat anything. I just want to get this test over with.
Mark: Me, too. The sooner you pass, the sooner you can drive me places.
Randy: You know, he's not getting his license so he can drive you around. So, you driving me to the movies tonight?
Brad: Forget it. You kids want everything handed to you on a platter.
Randy: Oh, yeah, Brad. Times have changed since you were a kid.

Quote from Tim

Jill: You'll do fine. If you don't pass this time, you can take it again.
Tim: Ooh, bite your tongue. What do you mean "if he doesn't pass?"
Jill: Tim, don't pressure him.
Tim: Taylor men have always passed their driver's test first time out. Except your Uncle Marty. First Taylor to break tradition. And to this very day, he's been hounded constantly.
Brad: By who?
Tim: Me.

Quote from Tim

Tim: You know, Brad, you have one of the most important documents you'll ever receive.
Jill: Yeah? What about his marriage license?
Tim: Like I said...

Quote from Jill

Jill: Look, this is kind of a scary thing for a mom, her son's first night out driving. So, I want you to call me at 8:00 on the dot to let me know you're OK.
Brad: All right, fine.
Tim: In by 11 :00?
Jill: 10:00.
Brad: 10:00? Mom, my normal curfew's at eleven.
Jill: You want to be treated like an adult, do what your mother tells you.

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