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‘From Top to Bottom’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Home Improvement: From Top to Bottom

725. From Top to Bottom

Aired May 19, 1998

Jill tries to explain Tim's behavior when she is invited onto a women's talk show. Meanwhile, Tim has one decision left to make as he gets ready to complete his Hot Rod.

Quote from Harry

Benny: So, Tim, we haven't seen much of you lately. Should I take that personally?
Tim: Yes. I've been working really hard on my hot rod. I was trying to get this thing done by Friday.
Harry: Well, you must have been busy. You haven't spent any money here in weeks. I had to cancel my trip to Hawaii.
Al: I just talked to Delores. She didn't say anything about a trip.
Harry: Delores wasn't invited. Besides, she's on her own vacation. She's scaring the bulls in Pamplona.

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Quote from Jill

Barbra Canfield: Jill, you're the psychologist. What do you think is going on under the surface with these guys?
Jill: Well, it's very common. Often a man feels threatened when a woman usurps his role as hunter-gatherer. I think that's Diane & Kathleen's husbands reacted the way they did.
Barbra Canfield: Well, why do you think your husband is so understanding? Why is he the exception to the rule?
Jill: Well, Tim is one of a kind. I mean, Tim breaks all the rules. Tim breaks everything.

Quote from Jill

Barbra Canfield: Jill, how did your husband react when you told him you were going back to school?
Jill: Tim?
Barbra Canfield: If that's your husband.
Jill: Well, as memory serves, he was very supportive.
Kathleen: Boy, I wish I had a husband like yours. Mine's a total caveman.
Diane: Mine, too. When I told him I wanted my own career, he couldn't even articulate words. He just kind of went...
Jill: [grunts]
Diane: How did you know that?
Jill: Lucky guess.

Quote from Jill

Jill: All these women were trashing their husbands. And I didn't wanna do that, you know. I wanted to explain Tim's behavior.
Wilson: Well, who were these women?
Jill: Oh, they were very successful professional women. One was a doctor. The other was an economist.
Wilson: Mm-hm, mm-hm, mm-hm.
Jill: Oh, I see what you're saying.
Wilson: All I said was, "Mm-hm, mm-hm, mm-hm."
Jill: But what you meant was that the reason that I was analyzing Tim was because I was insecure around these successful women and felt I needed to show off how much I knew about psychology.
Wilson: Mm-hm, mm-hm, mm-hm.
Jill: You make another good point. I mean, I was validated for what I said, so I went on and on and on and on.
Wilson: Mm-hm, mm-hm, mm-hm.
Jill: I sold Tim out to make myself look good.
Wilson: Mm.
Jill: Wow. You're really tough on me sometimes, Wilson. But you don't make me feel judged. You know? You are just a genius. How do you do that?
Wilson: I just tell it like it is.

Quote from Jill

Barbra Canfield: Jill, what did your husband say when you told him you wanted to be a psychologist?
Jill: His exact words?
Barbra Canfield: Yeah.
Jill: Were... "What for? You should become a turret lathe operator."
Marty: [watching on TV] Yeah.
Tim: [yells at TV] They make good money!

Quote from Marty

Tim: This reminds me of my first appearance on TV.
Marty: Yeah, when you set your hair on fire.

Quote from Jill

Jill: Oh, and I can never talk to him about what I'm studying because he thinks psychology is totally bogus.
Kathleen: So you must be pretty resentful.
Jill: Oh, no, no, please. Don't misconstrue what I'm saying as anger towards my husband. I could never be angry at a man who's in such a vulnerable state. [Tim groans as he watches on TV]
Barbra Canfield: Exactly what do you mean by a vulnerable state?
Jill: Well, he's in mid-life crisis. I mean, he's emotionally fragile.
[as the guys watch in the hardware store:]
Marty: Oh, you poor hunter-gatherer, you.
Benny: Let me get you a tissue.
Al: Would a hug help?

Quote from Tim

Tim: Welcome to Tool Time. I am Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor. But, of course, you know that. That's probably why you tuned in. [chuckles] And, of course, you all know my assistant, Al Borland. Give it up for Al here.
Al: Thank you. Thanks a lot.
Tim: Well, as you might have noticed by our clever sign, it is Hot Rod Week on Tool Time. And we are just counting down the days when I finish my '46 Ford convertible right here. We're calling this our Countdown to Coolness.
Al: You know, how come we never devote a week to my car?
Tim: That'd be exciting. Tool Time salute to old station wagons. [yawns]

Quote from Tim

Tim: There's been big historical moments in all of television. Remember the first step on the moon? Right in a... [blows raspberry] Oh, yuck! The Berlin Wall falling down. [German accent] "Look out. Those big bricks, they hurt me, dude! Look out!" But today, on this sound stage, we're gonna break all records. This is going to be the biggest thing in the history of television. I'm gonna pick out the color of my convertible top. Huh!
Al: That's right. So why don't we bring out the man who will show Tim all of his color choices, auto design specialist, George Sparky Henderson!
Sparky: Hey, Al.
Tim: Welcome to the show. Thanks for coming, Sparky.
Sparky: Tim. I want to say it's an honor, your having me here as part of this historic moment.
Tim: I couldn't do it without you.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Let's take a look at some colors.
Sparky: All right. Love to, Tim. We've got lots of samples here. But our wheel, thank you, Heidi, is going to help determine what is the best color for the top of your car. Now, we have here the color that you've used for the exterior, a ruby pearl. Excellent choice, Tim.
Tim: Well, yes.
Sparky: Then the interior, Tim. You chose Rhone, so we line up these two colors, and then the inner wheel will show which color will best complement these two.
Al: You know, the burgundy's awfully tasteful.
Tim & Sparky: Wrong!

Quote from Tim

Sparky: Now, you have an awful lot of options here, Tim.
Tim: Stop right there. I think I know exactly what I want.
Al: Well, Tim you still haven't seen all of your options.
Tim: Once I make a decision, Al, I've made my decision.
Sparky: That's right, Al. When a man sees something, he buys it. That's it. Case closed.
Tim: That's right. Not like a woman buying a purse. "I don't know. Does this go with my house?"
Al: All right. So what color are you going with?
Tim: I'm gonna go with, um... Klaus, a drum roll, please. I'm gonna go with honky.
Sparky: Honky?
Tim: White.
Sparky: Oh, white, white. Yes. I get that. White. Well, now, that's a very bold choice. But tan is very nice.
Tim: No, no. Absolutely positively going with white or beige.
Al: So much for a man being able to make up his mind.

Quote from Tim

Sparky: Well, you have an awful lot of beiges to choose from. Ecru. Now, there's a fun beige, hm?
Tim: Let's not forget eggshell.
Sparky: Oh, I love eggshell. Snappy, snappy, snappy.
Al: Well, what do you think about cashew?
Tim: Al, we're talking about convertible tops, not what you store for the winter.

Quote from Tim

Jill: No, I'm gonna be on television.
Tim: What, did you witness a crime or something?
Jill: No. I'm gonna be on Barbara Canfield's talk show. This particular segment is called Women on Top.
Tim: I rented that once.
Jill: It's about professional women who want it all.
Tim: That's the one.

Quote from Benny

Harry: What are you writing, Benny?
Benny: A birthday note to my mom. How do you spell I.O.U.?

Quote from Marty

Sparky: Oh, Tim, what's it gonna be? The dusty sand or the sandy beach?
Marty: What's going on?
Sparky: We've been all over town fabric shopping.
Tim: For my top.
Marty: I always saw you in a slinky off-the-shoulder number.
Tim: Convertible top for my car, you idiot.

Quote from Benny

Tim: She's on that talk show, Talk to Me. The segment's called Women on Top.
Benny: That was a video, wasn't it?
Barbra Canfield: [on TV] And welcome to Talk to Me. Today's topic is Women on Top. We'll meet women who had it all, gave it up, got it back, and are doing it better than ever.
Benny: Ooh, this looks good.

Quote from Harry

Barbra Canfield: My first question is how did your husbands react when you told them you were going to re-enter the work force? Diane?
Diane: It's amazing. I get a job with one of the top pediatric groups in Detroit and all my husband could say was, "Who's gonna cook for me?"
Harry: [watching on TV] What's wrong with that?

Quote from Marty

Harry: What kind of dirt you got on Jill? She's making you look good.
Benny: Yeah, speaking of looking good, what do you think it would take for me to get a date with the host?
Marty: A miracle not even God could pull off.

Quote from Jill

Barbra Canfield: You know, you're very lucky to have a husband who's made the transition so much easier.
Diane: I wish my experience had been a walk in the park like Jill's.
Jill: Oh, it wasnt exactly...
Barbra Canfield: In a perfect world, I guess we'd all be skipping through life like Jill, right?
Diane: Skippedy-skippedy-do.
Jill: No, wait. I've not been skipping through life. I mean, I've struggled just like the rest of you. Believe me, my husband is far from perfect.
Marty: [watching on TV] Look out. Incoming.

Quote from Marty

Barbra Canfield: It's really wonderful that you can be so empathetic.
Jill: Well, I have to be. I mean, Tim is emotionally off-center right now. He's crying out for help.
Marty: [watching on TV] Hey, you guys hear something? Help! Help!

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