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‘Room at the Top’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Home Improvement: Room at the Top

703. Room at the Top

Aired October 7, 1997

Jill quickly regrets asking Tim to build her an office in the attic.

Quote from Jill

Jill: I don't really have that much to talk about.
Dr. Breen: Oh, that's OK. Why don't you just tell me a little about yourself.
Jill: Oh, oh, OK. Um... [clears throat] Well, I just hit 40, and I'm trying to jumpstart a new career, and I don't know which I'll get first, my diploma or menopause. [nervous chuckle] On top of that, I have three sons, each of whom is the center of his own universe. Brad has started driving, which is keeping me up worrying half the night, Randy has started questioning everything his father and I stand for, and Mark - he's the youngest one - wears only black and is possibly worshiping the devil.
Dr. Breen: Well, Jill...
Jill: No, no, there's more, there's more. You see, I am completely overwhelmed. My father died about six months ago, and I've been trying to help my mother long distance which is not working at all. And I'm running a house, going to school and leading my own counseling groups, I'm having some people over for dinner tonight and I have no idea what I'm going to make them. She likes fish, he likes chicken. Not that it matters because when I cook, you know, it all tastes the same.

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Quote from Jill

Jill: Yeah, well this is only about ten percent of my problems. The other 90 percent... I'm married, too. You see, my husband, he's going through this sort of midlife crisis thing, you know, "Who am I? Where am I? Should I grow a beard? Should I buy a hunting lodge?" And then... And then... And then today, Brad spilled a soda on my paper, Mark's asking for skulls, and before I knew it, I was asking my husband to start construction on an office.
Dr. Breen: What's- What's wrong with your husband building you an office?
Jill: I'm married to Tim Taylor.
Dr. Breen: Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor?
Jill: Yeah, and maybe you'd better switch to a tape recorder here.
Dr. Breen: I hope I have enough batteries.

Quote from Tim

Tim: You say your life's chaotic, you want to simplify it? Well, stop having the stupid dinner parties.
Jill: This is the first dinner party we've had in six months. I haven't had time because of all of school.
Tim: Well, you want to streamline? Quit school!
Jill: Just so you can build the office?
Tim: Yes!
Jill: If I quit school, I don't need an office!
Tim: Don't use all that fancy psychological stuff with me.

Quote from Wilson

Tim: Hi, Wilson.
Wilson: Well, hi-ho, neighbor. So, how's Jill's office coming?
Tim: Come and gone. She backed out right after she saw her shrink.
Wilson: Whoa. So you were destroyed by Freud.
Tim: I guess you could say that. Yeah.
Wilson: Hung by Jung.
Tim: Yeah.
Wilson: Brought to a halt by Gestalt.

Quote from Wilson

Wilson: Tim, you growing a beard?
Tim: What do you think?
Wilson: Well, I'm not sure. I could never understand why a man would want to hide his face.

Quote from Tim

Tim: [grunts] Hey. Oh, oh! I've dreamed about this day since the moment I met you.
Jill: We didn't have an attic the day we met.
Tim: Which makes the dream all that more significant. You're not toying with me, are you?
Jill: No. On one condition. You keep it simple.
Tim: You want simple you got your man.

Quote from Tim

Jill: But, you know, right now, Patty and Doug are coming over for dinner and I really need your help.
Tim: Forget it. I can't be around people after I've been fired off a job.
Jill: Tim, you're my husband, not my contractor.
Tim: For a brief, fleeting moment, I was both.

Quote from Tim

Tim: I'm being selfish.
Wilson: No, no, no. I'm thinking that you remind me of one of my great heroes.
Tim: Yeah?
Wilson: Jefferson.
Tim: He was one of my heroes.
Wilson: Oh?
Tim: When that guy started, he had one dry cleaner. Next thing he was moving on up.
Wilson: I'm confused.
Tim: George Jefferson. His wife's name was Weezie.

Quote from Wilson

Wilson: No, no, no, Tim. I'm talking about Thomas Jefferson. You know, he was a man that needed to work with his hands. When he was home at Monticello, he would lose himself building his house, tending his garden, and it was while doing these simple hands-on tasks, that Jefferson saw his life more clearly.
Tim: Hey, wow. I am like Jefferson.
Wilson: Mm-hm.
Tim: When I'm swinging the hammer, that's when I see and think the clearest.
Wilson: So that's probably why building Jill's office was so important to you.
Tim: I never really thought of it that way. Thanks, Wilson.

Quote from Jill

Jill: No. No, no. I, I really don't want to be so isolated from everybody and, you know, when I get my office someday, I'm gonna need it to be a place where I can have patients can come, and we can't have people traipsing through the house.
Tim: Problem solved. I'll build a stairway on the outside of the house up to the...
Jill: No, Tim, you're not listening to me. You're not listening. I don't want a staircase on the outside. I don't want an office in the attic.
Tim: What are you saying?
Jill: [shouts] I don't want an office in the attic!
Tim: Sheesh. I'm getting the idea you don't want me to build this thing. And I asked you not to toy with me.
Jill: Yeah.
Tim: I begged you not to toy with me, and yet, you toyed.
Jill: I know. I made a mistake. [Tim groans] A mistake I'm very sorry for and will obviously never hear the end of, I'm sure.

Quote from Randy

Jill: What are you doing with my thesaurus? I've been looking for this all day!
Randy: Well, I borrowed it for a report I'm doing, The Selfish Middle Class.
Jill: Randy. Randy, this is my work station. You can't just come and grab anything you want.
Randy: Hey, it is not my fault. I'm a product of the selfish middle class.

Quote from Tim

Heidi: Welcome to day two of a very special Tool Time. We're coming to you live from Al's apartment. Now, here's the star of the show, Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor.
Tim: Thank you, everybody. Welcome to our second day, as Heidi just said, in Al's apartment, lovely isn't it? I am Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor, of course you all know my assistant, Al Borland. Al?
Al: [o.s.] What?
Tim: We're on the air, Al.
Al: [o.s.] What?! [toilet flushes]
[Al emerges from the bathroom]
Al: You know, you could've given me some warning.
Tim: Where would the fun be in that?

Quote from Al

Al: Well, this week we've been showing you how to turn the dead space in your house into living space.
Tim: Now, today's challenge is we're going to figure out how to turn the dead space between Al's ears into a nice bric-a-brac room.
Al: The dead space between your ears could fill the Mall of America. [snorts] [Tim hisses]

Quote from Tim

Heidi: Today, we'll be installing a sliding pocket door in Al's bathroom. But first, let me show you what we did yesterday. We used this space in the wall to put in a spice rack. Al.
Al: That's right. And then we converted this space that used to be my closet, into a guest bedroom.
Tim: Remote control.
Al: Tim. [the bed drops down from the wall]
Tim: Next, we'll try to convert some poor sap into Al's first house guest.
Al: And then we'll convert that stuff on your face into an actual beard.
Tim: Gee, Al, not everyone can grow a beard as fast as your mom.

Quote from Al

Tim: Now the piece de resistance. In the spare room above the header in the kitchen, we have a home entertainment system.
Al: With this set up, my guests can now watch TV in bed.
Tim: Not with that remote, though, Al.
Al: Whoa!
[After the bed closes into the wall with Al still on it, he is catapulted through the wall of the neighboring apartment and lands on a bed with Milton]
Milton: Hey! I don't go in for that sort of thing!

Quote from Mark

Mark: Mom, can you sew these buttons on my shirt?
Jill: Eww, they're little skulls.
Mark: Yeah. How fast can you do it?
Jill: Well, I'm kinda busy, but I assure you that sewing demonic symbols on my son's clothing will be right at the top of my list.

Quote from Jill

Tim: Hi, honey.
Jill: Tim? I'm having a really bad day.
Tim: Nice talking to you. [walks away]
Jill: Tim!
Tim: [inquisitive grunt]
Jill: I want you to build me something. I've been trying to work on this paper all day, and I can't get a moment's peace here. I just need a quiet private place where I can get things done.
Tim: Wait a minute, wait a minute. You want something built, and you want me to build it?
Jill: Yeah.
Tim: Yes!

Quote from Tim

Tim: Wait, wait, wait. There's just a few more things I gotta ask you. Hold on. Just a simple few decisions. Paint or wallpaper?
Jill: Paint. I gotta go to therapy, honey.
Tim: Flat, semi-gloss, or matte?
Jill: Uh, surprise me.
Tim: Carpet or wood floor?
Jill: Carpeting.
Tim: OK, plush, saxony or berber?
Jill: I don't care!
Tim: Wait a minute. Take a paint sample with you. [throws the sample at Jill]
Jill: [o.s.] Ow!
Tim: Sorry!

Quote from Tim

Tim: You are so beautiful. I mean, I... I get excited every time I see you. You feel so good.
Brad: Would, uh, you and your drywall like some time alone?
Tim: I just hope one day that you find something that makes you as happy as this makes me.
Brad: Yeah, me, too. I just hope mine has a head and breathes.
Tim: Now, think about it, son. Look at this. You have a dirty attic, disgusting, dusty and a dream. You fulfill your dream with the sweat of your brow and your two hands. [grunts] Huh?
Brad: I'll, uh, stick with girls.
Tim: [Italian accent] It's like talkin' to a wall.

Quote from Tim

Jill: I'm sorry I'm late, therapy ran over. Um, we need to talk about the construction.
Tim: Hey, I always got time for that. Picked up all the materials down at Harry Hardware. They all tell me I've got the remodeling glow.

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