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‘Maybe, Baby’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Home Improvement: Maybe, Baby

301. Maybe, Baby

Aired September 15, 1993

Jill's sister is having a baby girl, which leads Jill to wonder whether their family is complete.

Quote from Jill

Jill: We never actually said that we weren't gonna have another baby.
Tim: I've said it. I know I've talked about it. I mentioned it on Tool Time.
Jill: Oh, great. So 11 people know about it?
Tim: You remember babies at all? Dirty diapers. Colic? 2 am feedings. 3 am feedings. I don't have the energy for that anymore.
Jill: You don't have the energy to say, "Wake up, Jill, the baby wants you"?

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Quote from Randy

Tim: I thought you guys weren't supposed to watch that Goosebump Theater. Doesn't it give you nightmares?
Randy: Well, Tool Time gives us nightmares, and you make us watch that.
Tim: Hey, he's going after those guys with a Binford 5100 chain saw. That's a chain saw and a half. Good choice, ghoul.

Quote from Wilson

Wilson: Dobry dyen, good neighbor.
Tim: Huh?
Wilson: That's Russian for "hi-de-ho." I'm playing chess by mail with a grand master in Moscow.
Tim: Got a minute?
Wilson: Tim, I am your pawn.
Tim: Jill wants to have another baby.
Wilson: Well, Tim, I'm not sure I can help you there.
Tim: That's not the area I'm having trouble with. [grunts]

Quote from Al

Tim: Of course, they're not sticks. These are artifacts.
Al: They look like sticks to me.
Tim: Hm? Well, little do you know. I wouldn't pay 15 bucks for some sticks, would I?
Al: Yes, Tim, you would. They say there's a sucker born every minute. Now we know what he does on his vacation.
Tim: Boy, gosh darn it. That's funny. That's really funny. Maybe when you're on your permanent vacation, you can build yourself a log unemployment office.

Quote from Tim

Jill: So you're just shutting the door... on the whole idea of having a baby?
Tim: I'm shutting the door.
Jill: That's your last word?
Tim: I've shut the door, put a chest in front of it, and there's a fat guy sitting on it.
Jill: What?
Tim: And he's holding Al's mom in his lap.

Quote from Wilson

Tim: A legacy. Something that's passed down, like, generational?
Wilson: Exactly, and that's what you have with your sons. You'll be able to pass on your accumulated wisdom, the things you've learned about being a man.
Tim: We've already started that, yeah. Last weekend I taught 'em all how to burp the alphabet.
Wilson: Actually, I'm talking about more than burping. You see, Tim, what your sons give you is immortality, and I think maybe that's what Jill wants - to see a part of herself live on.
Tim: So that's why she'd want a girl. Thanks, Wilson. You've been a help.
Wilson: Do svidaniya, good neighbor.
Tim: Do-si-do to you, too.

Quote from Jill

Jill: But you know what? I really don't want to have a baby right now.
Tim: I didn't mean this minute.
Jill: No! I've been thinking about it. The truth is that I don't really have time in my life for it right now. You know? I got the job, three kids... Well, four, including you.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Anyway, while Al was busy carving himself a life, I took my family to the natural history museum in Chicago. Very educational. A lot of fun.
Al: Yes, it is.
Tim: But we all know the worst part of a long car trip - the family in the car. "I'm tired." "I'm hungry." "I can't see." "He's pushing." "I gotta pee." Boy, my wife was annoying. But it worked out well, because I brought back from the museum some primitive tools from primitive man. Heidi, the artifacts, please. 'Course, y'all know our new tool girl. I want you all to say howdy to Heidi. Howdy, Heidi! Our old tool girl moved on to bigger and better things.
Al: Oh? Did she accept that offer from Bob Vila?
Tim: She went on to college. We both know that, Al.

Quote from Jill

Tim: What's all that stuff?
Jill: Oh, it's some of the boys' baby things. I'm gonna send it to Carol. I'm hoping there'll be something that will work for a girl. Ohhh. Look at the little booties. They're so teeny. [sniffs] They're Brad's. Oh, and the little hat. And the bib.
Tim: Are you gonna send the wittle bib to the wittle baby?
Jill: No, I'm keeping this around for you. Oh, my gosh.
Tim: Where'd that pink blanket come from?
Jill: I made this when I was pregnant with Mark. Remember, I was hoping for a girl? I wanted a sweet little thing I could cuddle on my lap, with beautiful curly hair and big bow in it.
Tim: Oh, you wanted to give birth to a poodle.
Jill: It could happen. Look at the father.

Quote from Tim

Jill: Maybe I should hold on to this.
Tim: Why would you wanna do that?
Jill: You never know.
Tim: Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Back the estrogen express up, honey, huh? I see... Wait a minute. Your sister has a little girl, now you want a little girl?
Jill: So?
Tim: So? Carol gives birth to an elephant, does that mean you give birth to an elephant?
Jill: Oh, great, that's just what I want - pass a pair of tusks.
Tim: Ouch.

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