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‘Feud for Thought’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Home Improvement: Feud for Thought

311. Feud for Thought

Aired December 1, 1993

When Jill attends her 20 year high school reunion, she tries to avoid her former best friend, Joanie (Lee Garlington), who stole her boyfriend. Meanwhile, Al looks after the boys.

Quote from Jill

Tim: What you got in this thing?
Jill: Clothes.
Tim: We're only going to DC for two days.
Jill: And two nights. That's four outfits. And they said it might snow.
Tim: So what did you do, pack a snow shovel and a plow?
Jill: No. A parka and boots. I'm not gonna walk in the slush in my high heels.
Tim: What you got in there?
Jill: My essentials. The makeup, the night cream, the day cream, the concealer, the cotton balls, magnifying mirror...
Tim: Why don't you just airmail the whole bathroom... Oh!
Jill: I wish I could.


Quote from Jill

Jill: OK, Al, I've got a few instructions for you here. Now, Mark has a birthday party to go to tomorrow at the ice rink. This is the address. He's a little bit nervous 'cause he hasn't skated in about a year. Brad has a girlfriend, Ashley, coming over to study. Make sure that he studies his books and not her. Now, Randy still has a little bronchitis. Do not let him go outside. And make sure he takes all this medicine. He gets one teaspoon of cough syrup twice a day, one teaspoon of antibiotic three times a day. This has to live in the refrigerator. Now, if his cough turns into a wheeze, you know, it's kind of like a little whistly sound, discontinue the cough syrup and give him two puffs of this inhaler four times a day. Unless it's like a big whistle, and then you should call the doctor, and then me. Now, I gave you all... the doctor's number, pharmacy number, hotel number and our flight numbers right here. Oh, Tim, do you have any instructions for Al?
Tim: Don't let anybody touch my tools.

Quote from Wilson

Al: You know, Wilson... I always pictured myself getting married and having a bustling houseful of kids. Boy, I'm starting to reconsider.
Wilson: Well, Al, I wouldn't write off parenthood entirely. When you start off with a baby, you're a baby as a parent. Then as the children grow up, the parent grows too, so that hopefully, when adolescence is reached, you're both ready for it.
Al: That's a wonderful thought, Wilson.
Wilson: Well, being a bachelor, it's easy to come up with these things. But I wouldn't worry about it, Al. I suspect that someday you'll make an excellent parent. [Randy taunts Al by dancing in front of the door]
Al: You really think I'd make a good parent?
Wilson: Certainly. I've seen the way you take care of Tim.
Al: [grunts] Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Quote from Tim

Tim: There's a big difference between men and women. Look what you're taking - the Godzilla bag. And I got this. Between this and what I got on, I got everything I need, including... a suit.
Jill: You have a whole suit squished into that little pouch?
Tim: Yeah, and I got a necktie in there somehow.
Jill: I don't know about this.
Tim: Oh, no. It's wrinkle-free. You hang it up, couple hours - boom, the wrinkles are gone. It's made out of space-age woven polyester.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Look, it was high school. It was a long time ago. People change.
Jill: I know.
Tim: Believe it or not, in high school, I was obnoxious. [laughs]

Quote from Jill

Joanie: Jack thinks he's so handy, but basically he screws up everything he touches.
Jill: It must be awful to be married to a man like that.

Quote from Jill

Jill: [answers the phone] Hello? Yes, it is. Reunion? What reunion? No, I never got an invitation. I haven't lived there in 15 years. Oh, gosh. It's next Saturday? I don't know if I can get it together that fast. I have to make hotel reservations, plane reservations, lose ten pounds...

Quote from Tim

Jill: You will never guess what I just found out. My high-school reunion is next Saturday in Washington.
Tim: Has it been 50 years already?
Jill: 20. You know what? I think I wanna go. We just have to find somebody to stay with the kids.
Tim: I'll stay.
Jill: No way! I went to your reunion, you're going to mine.
Tim: You were miserable at my reunion. You spent the whole night by yourself.
Jill: And why was that? Because you and your friends spent the whole night mooning your old principal.
Tim: I think she enjoyed it.

Quote from Al

Al: Hey, Tim. How are you?
Tim: What's in the bag? You're only staying here two days.
Al: And two nights.

Quote from Tim

Hotel Clerk: So, you'll be with us for... two nights?
Jill: Yeah, that's right.
Hotel Clerk: [deep voice] Well, I hope while you're in our nation's capital you'll have time to do some sightseeing.
Tim: [imitating his deep voice] Well, we certainly will attempt it. [normal voice] We're gonna try to make it to the Smithsonian.
Hotel Clerk: Ooh, excellent choice. You know, it's home to Old Glory and the desk Thomas Jefferson used to draft the Declaration of Independence.
Tim: That's great. We're hoping to see Don Garlits' Funny Car, "Swamp Rat."

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