Dwayne Hoover Quotes

Quote from Flying Sauces

Dwayne: You know, I'm out on the job site, way out. Nowhere close to your ordinary kitchen utensils. So I got to improvise. Now, this here, is the dipstick off my '87 two-ton pickup. With this, I make my southern specialty. Shish-ke-billy-bob. Now, the important thing to remember, Tim, before you start cooking is to get all that oil off your dipstick. Now, I like to alternate my meat and my vegetables.
Tim: How do you feel about that, Al?
Al: Well, I'm still thinking about that dipstick, Tim.
Dwayne: I prefer to use USDA Choice cube steak. Pearl onions, green peppers. And just a touch of summer squash for color. No need to make mealtime a drab affair, huh, Tim?
Tim: Perish that thought, Dwayne.
Dwayne: Now, for the seasoning. I turn to my assistant, Pete.
Pete: That would be me. I like to lightly dust the kebab with... just a hint of sage and some tarragon.
Dwayne: Well, I prefer rosemary, but...
Tim: Dwayne, rosemary's much too harsh...
Dwayne: Pete, this is neither the time nor the place. Now, ordinarily, Tim, I would wrap this in tinfoil and put it on a hot engine. But we don't have time for all that. Here, hold that, Al, will you? Thank you. Now. Pete's got one... Pete's got one all cooked up and ready for us to taste.
Pete: There you go, Tim. Give that a whirl. Yeah. How do you like that?
Tim: This is delicious. I detect a hint of 10W-30 on that thing, though.


Quote from Up Your Alley

Jill: I know it sounds ridiculous but it relaxes me. You should try it. See, just start on your left foot, then go.
Jill, Dwayne & Pete: "Ashes, ashes, we all fall down."
Jill: And then, after I release the ball. I always do this: Please, please, please, please, please.
Pete: Please, please, please, please, please, please...
Dwayne: Pete!
Pete: Yeah?
Dwayne: You're embarrassing yourself.
Pete: I am not, and you're always criticizing.
Dwayne: This is neither the time nor the place.
Pete: Fine.

Quote from Up Your Alley

Dwayne: I believed in you, Tim Taylor. This is indeed a dark day.

Quote from Read My Hips

Tim: The reason I asked these guys down here is a darn good one. These guys probably have the toughest job in construction in the state of Michigan - workin' on the high steel. And these guys have a perfect safety record for the last 195 days. 195. Think about that...
Rock: Uh, Timmy. I'm afraid that record stopped at 194.
Tim: Good night, nurse. What happened?
Rock: Well, yesterday, somebody had a little accident with a rivet.
Pete: Well, you see, Tim, I was so excited about coming back on your show, I let one of those red-hot rivets slip.
Dwayne: Yes, you did.
[Dwayne bends over to reveal a rivet-sized hole in his hard hat, before removing it to reveal a bandage on his bald head]
Tim: Hey, look on the bright side. You didn't burn any hair.
Al: Tim, rivet accidents are no laughing matter.
Tim: And neither are you, Al.

Quote from Bell Bottom Blues

Tim: Well, then, help me out, guys. How does one man show another man he just appreciates what he does?
Dwayne: Well, you buy him a couple Lions tickets.
Tim: Hey, all right.
Rock: Or let him borrow your truck.
Tim: Good one.
Pete: You could pour beer over his head.
Tim: Yeah, yeah!
Dwayne: And I did not appreciate that.

Quote from Arrivederci, Binford

Tim: I've always said you can tell a man by the shine of his shoes.
Dwayne: And by how clean his nails are.
Tim: You need a little work on those nails. That's why we've got this line of Binford hand-care products in attractive packaging. Environmentally sound.
Dwayne: I know they're dirty now, Tim, but sometimes on the job site, when you ain't got no water, you can't get your nails clean. So before I step out to the discos, I take a ten-penny nail, and I scrunch out all that filth and crud. Here, Marv, you wanna come in for a closeup?
Tim: No, let's not do that now. Out of respect for people who might be having a meal, we'll forgo that demonstration, but thanks so much for showing us that.
Dwayne: Okay, okay.
Tim: Anything else you guys got for us?
Pete: Well, Tim, probably the biggest grooming problem out on the construction site is... well, helmet hair. [The K&B guys take off their hats]
Tim: Oh, yeah, hat head. [to Dwayne] Not a real big problem on your end, is it? Why don't I just buff that up to a high gloss?

Quote from Dollars and Sense

Tim: It takes a certain kind of man to navigate the high steel. There's no two better guys to tell us some safety tips about walking the girders than the boys from K&B Construction Company up there in Bay City, Michigan. Let's give a big round of applause for Dwayne and Pete. It's great to have you guys on the show.
Pete: Always great to be here, Timmy.
Dwayne: Especially today, Tim, because we have brought along some other boys...
Tim: Dwayne! Dwayne!
Dwayne: Say hello to Sam, Tom, Tim, Pete, John, Bill, John-Bob, Bob-Bob, Billy-Bob and Bob.
Tim: Hey, K&Bers, how you doin'? Maybe after the show you all go back to Al-Bob's house, have some milk and cookies.

Quote from Pump You Up

Tim: It's good to see you, guys.
Rock: Always great to be here, Timmy.
Tim: All right. What do you guys do to stay in shape?
Pete: Well, not as much as you might think, Tim.
Dwayne: Pete's idea of a workout is the old one-armed doughnut curl.

Quote from Bell Bottom Blues

Tim: Well, a little stucco demonstration. We're gonna put some mud on the wall, we'll get stuccoing, right?
Rock: You betcha. We used to do this all the time.
Tim: All right.
Pete: Heck, I cut my teeth on stucco, Tim. Well, learned everything from Dwayne here.
Dwayne: Oh, no, no. Pete here is the real expert. We call him "The Stucco Bucko."

Quote from Pump You Up

Pete: Uh, Tim, she looks pretty strong. I think she could bench press us.
Dwayne: And, by the way, anytime.