Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘The Tool Man Delivers’ Quotes Page 1 of 5    

Home Improvement: The Tool Man Delivers

609. The Tool Man Delivers

Aired November 19, 1996

As Tim, Jill and Heidi drive up to Saginaw for Tim to be presented with an award from the Tri-City Hot Rod Club, they get stuff in traffic and then Heidi goes into labor. [Guest star: Tom Poston]

Quote from Tim

Tim: What we're doing is something unusual. This is five-time award-winning hot rod, "The Road Rat." We're gonna reupholster.
Sparky: Beauty.
Al: All right, Sparky, what color seat would go well with this car?
Sparky: Well, wrong question here, Al. What we want to ask ourselves - is how we coordinate all of the color.
Tim: Right, you gotta think tones and tints, compromising, contrasting, complementary colors. You gotta think that way, Al.
Al: All right. What color seat would go with this purple car?
Sparky: Ooh, no, see, that's not a purple car, Al. This is fuchsia. Now, cream matches up very well with fuchsia, wouldn't you say, Tim?
Tim: Eh... How about a soft taupe? It would make the bills pop right out of the dashboard.
Sparky: Taupe, taupe, taupe. Yes. Very subtle, very simple. Yes.

Rate

Quote from Tim

Al: Well, what about black?
Tim & Sparky: [both] Boring!
Tim: Unless it's a satin black.
Sparky: Oh, satin black. All right. If he was thinking that. Or matte. But you know the color I really want to deal with with this car?
Tim: I think I know where you're going.
Sparky: Remember, we were at the Vegas show... The hottest color at the Vegas show?
Tim & Sparky: [both] Periwinkle!
Al: We'll be back after words from Binford: tools for men who talk like men.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Well, see, I ran out of gas about two miles back, and I'm going to need some gas and maybe a little gas can.
Ned: Well, we like to take good care of our customers. [hands Tim a can]
Tim: Thanks. I'll be right back.
Ned: There's a $150 deposit.
Tim: $150 deposit?
Ned: We can't have people running off with our gas cans.
Tim: Is that a big problem, Ned?
Ned: No. Who'd give up $150 for a gas can?
Tim: [laughs] Uh... Do you take a credit card, Ned?
Ned: No. But we've been thinking about it.

Quote from Al

Al: [answers phone] Hello?
Tim: Hey, Al. Heidi went into labor.
Al: She joined a union?
Tim: No. She's having her baby.

Quote from Jill

Jill: Do quick inhales, steady exhale. Just like they taught you in Lamaze.
Heidi: Yeah, they didn't say it would hurt this much.
Jill: Oh, they never do. Otherwise, nobody would ever have children.

Quote from Al

Tim: [on the phone] I got a shoulder!
Wilson: They've got a shoulder.
Al: Is it a boy or a girl?
Wilson: Usually you can't tell by the shoulders.

Quote from Tim

Jill: Don't worry, honey. Everything is fine. We have everything...
Tim & Jill: [both] ...under control.
Jill: [to Tim] What do we do?
Tim: You had three boys. You should know.
Jill: Excuse me. If you remember, I was in a teensy bit of pain at the time.
Tim: All I remember is a lot of screaming and whatever sounds you were making.

Quote from Al

Tim: Welcome to Tool Time. I am Tim "The Tool Man." You know this guy sitting next to me. It's Al Borland. [cheering] I'd like to continue our week-long salute... [horn sounds with Tool Time theme] ...to customizing your car.
Al: Now, if you'll notice, Tim is wearing a very unique jacket. Tim, if you'd like to take a turn... [jazz plays] Thursday night at a banquet up in Saginaw, the Tri-City Hot Rodders Club is giving Tim one of their most prestigious awards, Car Guy of the Year. [applause]
Tim: I'm not the kind of guy that likes to brag. Aw, heck. Yes, I am. I do a lot of significant things for the auto community.
Al: The Hot Rodders Club is honoring Tim for raising car consciousness.
Tim: You know, I like to build my hot rods right here on Tool Time. It's my way of giving something back.
Al: It's also your way of getting Binford to pay for the parts. And getting free labor from me. [Tim hisses]

Quote from Tim

Al: All right. Well, getting back to the show today, we'll be talking about car interiors.
Tim: That's right. Door panels, dashboards, carpets.
Al: Now, of course, the car seat is a large part of the interior.
Tim: In Al's case, the seat is a large part of the exterior.

Quote from Tim

Tim: I told you guys no golf in the house. At least not until I get the water hazard put in.

Page 2 
 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  View another episode