Jill Quote #459
Tim: Well, let me ask you a question. Have you ever wished that you'd married somebody as smart as you?
Jill: You think I'm smarter than you?
Jill: Well, that just shows how smart you are.
Tim: You didn't answer the question.
Jill: Do I ever wish that I married somebody else? Why would I wanna marry anybody else? You're funny, you're sexy, creative, you take chances, and you're definitely not afraid to be wrong. I'm perfectly happy being married to a man who thinks that PBS is something that women get once a month.
Tim: What I said was, "Once a month is enough for PBS." And way too much for the other thing.
More Home Improvement Quotes
Quote from Room at the Top
Jill: Yeah, well this is only about ten percent of my problems. The other 90 percent... I'm married, too. You see, my husband, he's going through this sort of midlife crisis thing, you know, "Who am I? Where am I? Should I grow a beard? Should I buy a hunting lodge?" And then... And then... And then today, Brad spilled a soda on my paper, Mark's asking for skulls, and before I knew it, I was asking my husband to start construction on an office.
Dr. Breen: What's- What's wrong with your husband building you an office?
Jill: I'm married to Tim Taylor.
Dr. Breen: Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor?
Jill: Yeah, and maybe you'd better switch to a tape recorder here.
Dr. Breen: I hope I have enough batteries.
Quote from Room at the Top
Jill: I don't really have that much to talk about.
Dr. Breen: Oh, that's OK. Why don't you just tell me a little about yourself.
Jill: Oh, oh, OK. Um... [clears throat] Well, I just hit 40, and I'm trying to jumpstart a new career, and I don't know which I'll get first, my diploma or menopause. [nervous chuckle] On top of that, I have three sons, each of whom is the center of his own universe. Brad has started driving, which is keeping me up worrying half the night, Randy has started questioning everything his father and I stand for, and Mark - he's the youngest one - wears only black and is possibly worshiping the devil.
Dr. Breen: Well, Jill...
Jill: No, no, there's more, there's more. You see, I am completely overwhelmed. My father died about six months ago, and I've been trying to help my mother long distance which is not working at all. And I'm running a house, going to school and leading my own counseling groups, I'm having some people over for dinner tonight and I have no idea what I'm going to make them. She likes fish, he likes chicken. Not that it matters because when I cook, you know, it all tastes the same.
Quote from Maybe, Baby
Jill: We never actually said that we weren't gonna have another baby.
Tim: I've said it. I know I've talked about it. I mentioned it on Tool Time.
Jill: Oh, great. So 11 people know about it?
Tim: You remember babies at all? Dirty diapers. Colic? 2 am feedings. 3 am feedings. I don't have the energy for that anymore.
Jill: You don't have the energy to say, "Wake up, Jill, the baby wants you"?
Quote from Tim
Tim: Why don't you go to a trade school?
Jill: Trade school?
Tim: Six months, you can be a turret lathe operator.
Jill: I don't want to be a turret lathe operator. I don't even know what that is.
Tim: That's why you go to the school. How about a certified arc welder?
Jill: Are you insane?
Tim: Diesel bus repair.
Jill: Tim, I was really excited about this idea. I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you about it, and all you can do is throw out idiotic suggestions. Why don't you just tell me to go to clown college?
Tim: They'd never take you. You're not funny enough and your feet are too small.
Quote from Tim
Jill: Tim, I was talking to you.
Tim: Hold on a second. Maybe one of the kids got in an accident.
Jill: I thought that they were all home.
Tim: Hold on a minute. Well, most of the accidents take place in the home. [on the phone] Hey. Hey, Deke? What are you doing? Ah. Hold on a second. [to Jill] Thank God the kids are OK.
Quote from Brad
Jill: Hi, Brad.
Brad: Hey, Mom. What's this?
Jill: Oh. That's a college catalogue with watermelon seeds all over it. I'm checking out colleges.
Brad: Well, aren't I a little young?
Jill: It's for me.
Brad: Well, then, aren't you way old? [off Jill's look] I'm never gonna get my allowance back, am l?
Jill: It's not looking good.