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‘Back in the Saddle Shoes Again’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Home Improvement: Back in the Saddle Shoes Again

401. Back in the Saddle Shoes Again

Aired September 20, 1994

After losing her job, Jill decides she wants to go back to college to study psychology.

Quote from Jill

Tim: Well, let me ask you a question. Have you ever wished that you'd married somebody as smart as you?
Jill: You think I'm smarter than you?
Tim: Yeah.
Jill: Well, that just shows how smart you are.
Tim: You didn't answer the question.
Jill: Do I ever wish that I married somebody else? Why would I wanna marry anybody else? You're funny, you're sexy, creative, you take chances, and you're definitely not afraid to be wrong. I'm perfectly happy being married to a man who thinks that PBS is something that women get once a month.
Tim: What I said was, "Once a month is enough for PBS." And way too much for the other thing.

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Quote from Tim

Tim: Why don't you go to a trade school?
Jill: Trade school?
Tim: Six months, you can be a turret lathe operator.
Jill: I don't want to be a turret lathe operator. I don't even know what that is.
Tim: That's why you go to the school. How about a certified arc welder?
Jill: Are you insane?
Tim: Diesel bus repair.
Jill: Tim, I was really excited about this idea. I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you about it, and all you can do is throw out idiotic suggestions. Why don't you just tell me to go to clown college?
Tim: They'd never take you. You're not funny enough and your feet are too small.

Quote from Tim

Jill: Tim, I was talking to you.
Tim: Hold on a second. Maybe one of the kids got in an accident.
Jill: I thought that they were all home.
Tim: Hold on a minute. Well, most of the accidents take place in the home. [on the phone] Hey. Hey, Deke? What are you doing? Ah. Hold on a second. [to Jill] Thank God the kids are OK.

Quote from Brad

Jill: Hi, Brad.
Brad: Hey, Mom. What's this?
Jill: Oh. That's a college catalogue with watermelon seeds all over it. I'm checking out colleges.
Brad: Well, aren't I a little young?
Jill: It's for me.
Brad: Well, then, aren't you way old? [off Jill's look] I'm never gonna get my allowance back, am l?
Jill: It's not looking good.

Quote from Al

Al: The advantage to using stilts when drywalling is they do give you height, plus mobility.
Tim: Now, rememebr, each of these panels weighs 60lbs, so it's always a good idea to have a good helper.
Al: Or, if you're in a bind... Tim. [snorts]
Al: Now, if you don't happen to have a drywall lift, like this here, you can hold up your panels with T-braces, called "deadmen." Tim, show them what a dead man looks like. [Tim points to Al]
Tim: Well, this is all well and good if you have a traditional ten-foot ceiling, but let's say I want to do a remodel on the Sistine Chapel.
Al: Well, I don't think you'd be their first choice as contractor.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Hey, folks. Don't you weep, don't you bawl. Today we're working drywall. Right, all?
Al: You have to forgive Tim. His sense of humor's a little off the drywall.
Tim: We're gonna show you how to tape your joints to your wallboards.
Al: That's right. Taping technique is critical. An inferior job can result in unsightly lumps and bulges.
Tim: Kind of makes you wonder who taped up Al.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Stick with me here, OK? Guys, raise this up to the Sistine Chapel level. Now, let's say you want to smooth out those chubby cherubs with some wallboard but the stilts only go up to 48 inches. That's why I use these. Heidi? My pneumatic drywall stilts.
Al: Pneumatic drywall stilts?
Tim: Is there an echo in the building?
Al: Well, just how high can they go?
Tim: The sky's the limit. Want to go up, press this lever up. Third floor, lingerie. Ding ding ding.
Al: Why, I'm very impressed, Tim.
Tim: Watch this. I want to reverse the process, and go down to the bargain basement where you picked up that shirt, press here.
[Tim is raised up, send his head crashing through the panel]

Quote from Tim

Tim: Jill. Don't expect me to help you with your homework.
Jill: What?
Tim: When you go back to study psychology.
Jill: Wait. You're OK with that?
Tim: If your dream is to work with nuts, you should go back to the world of macadamia.

Quote from Tim

Al: Well, there are many mechanical tools used in drywalling. I like to use the Binford 6100 wet-tape banjo.
Tim: With the wet-tape banjo, you can apply your tape and mixture in one swipe, and do a rendition of "Oh, Susanna." [sings] Oh, Susanna, oh, don't you cry for me
Al: As you can see...
Tim: For I came from Alabama with a banjo on my knee
Al: I've loaded my banjo with quality premix compound, available at any hardware store. [Tim continues "playing" his banjo]
Tim: You don't have to buy it premixed. You can mix it yourself if you want. It's three parts calcium carbonate, two parts mica, a little Galliano, a little vodka, you got a Harvey Dry Wallbanger.
Al: Well, as I'm sure Tim realizes, if you are going to mix your own compound, you have to be exactly sure of its consistency.
Tim: I'll put my banjo up against anybody's.
Al: Would that be a challenge, Tim?
Tim: [slaps Al with a glove] Get ready to duel, fool.

Quote from Tim

Tim: [answers the phone] Deke! Oh, hi, Ashley. No. Brad's not here. He's out buying you a big gift. [hangs up]
Brad: Dad, why'd you tell her that?
Tim: Because I'm waiting for an emergency call for a hood ornament. I want to keep the lines clear.
Brad: Oh, so now I have to buy Ashley a present.
Tim: No. Now you have to buy Ashley a big present.

Quote from Jill

Jill: Remember I told you about that big meeting I had with my boss today? You know, I was expecting a raise and a promotion? She laid me off!
Tim: What?
Jill: Yeah. I got two weeks' severance pay and a farewell cake. Like a cake is gonna make me feel better.
Brad: Well, did you bring the cake home?
Tim: Did it have nuts on it?
Jill: For your information, it was a triple chocolate fudge. And I was so depressed that I polished the rest of it off in the car on the way home. Now, I need a little sensitivity and a... ThighMaster.

Quote from Brad

Tim: Well, you came to the house of sensitivity. Right, guys?
Brad: Is this gonna affect my allowance?
Jill: It will now.

Quote from Jill

Jill: I stayed up half the night trying to figure out what I should do now, what I should do, what I should do. You know, the magazine business here is so tough and I just don't know if I really want to do that anymore, so you know what I've been thinking? It's really a stupid idea. Well, it may not be that stupid. I mean, people my age have done it, not that much, but it's not that it's impossible. I mean, there's a lot to be said for it and a lot to be said against it. What do you think?
Marie: Well, I'm 50-50 on it myself. What are you talking about?
Jill: Oh... When I was in school, I really liked psychology. I thought that I might make a good therapist.
Marie: Hm. As someone who's been in therapy forever, I think you'd be great. And I blame my mother.
Jill: I'm thinking about getting my master's, then I could be a family counselor.
Marie: You would be a natural working with families.
Jill: Well, after surviving this one, I should get a Purple Heart.

Quote from Tim

Tim: You sound like you're in a better mood.
Jill: Oh, yeah, I had a great day.
Tim: What'd you do? Sit in bed all day, stuff your face, talk to your girlfriends on the phone?
Jill: Is that what you think my idea of a great day is?
Tim: Sorry. That's my idea of a great day.

Quote from Tim

Jill: Wait till you hear what I'm thinking about doing. I want to go back to college.
Tim: Are you gonna stay here or at the dorm?
Jill: I'm thinking about getting my master's in psychology. I'd have to take some undergrad courses, but what do you think?
Tim: Are you serious?
Jill: Yeah, I'm serious.
Tim: Jill, a master's degree will take forever.
Jill: It's OK. I like school.
Tim: Do you remember school? Homework, detention, being suspended, sitting in the corner.
Jill: Tim, they don't do that in college.
Tim: Oh, yeah?

Quote from Randy

Tim: How's Mom?
Randy: Well, not too bad. She finally stopped saying, "Boys, whatever you do, don't turn out to be like your father."
Tim: OK. Well, this'll put her right over the top.
Randy: Do flowers always work?
Tim: Yep. Every time I get in trouble, I just call Lou the florist.
Randy: Well, she gets mad at you so often, you must be on some kind of "frequent flower" program.
Tim: I'm not only a member, I'm the club president.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Bet you can't guess what I've got.
Jill: Seven roses, sixteen daisies, two tulips and a couple of sprigs of baby's-breath.
Tim: Right on the money.
Marie: That's amazing!
Jill: No, it's not that unusual. This is the 29th time I've gotten that exact same bouquet of flowers. Lou the florist calls it his "Tim Taylor Foot-in-the-Mouth" special.
Tim: Don't knock it. Because of this bouquet, Lou has been able to send his son to a fabulous trade school. He's a turret lathe operator now.
Marie: Well, at least you get flowers. Joe gives me a string of sausage and a side of bacon.
Tim: See how lucky you are? Joe screws up, a pig dies.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Hey, Wilson. Want some flowers?
Wilson: Why, Tim, what a neighborly gesture.
Tim: It'll cost you 35 bucks.
Wilson: Well, you know, if I'm not mistaken, Tim, that looks like the $27.95 "Tim Taylor Foot-in-Your-Mouth" special.
Tim: Yeah. I tried to use them to say I'm sorry to Jill. She didn't want them. She wants to go back to school and was mad 'cause she doesn't think I'm being very supportive.
Wilson: Well, do you feel that you are?
Tim: I guess that depends on your definition of "supportive." I told her it was a stupid idea and she probably couldn't even get into clown college.
Wilson: Well, Tim, I don't think that's anyone's definition of supportive.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Going back to school, it's really a big deal to her. I couldn't wait to get out of college. And to be honest, the college couldn't wait to get me out of there.
Wilson: Wasn't it college where you met Jill?
Tim: Yeah. It wasn't easy. I was kind of a motorhead and she hung out with all the intellectuals. You know the type. Spend their days thinking about the meaning of life when they could be figuring out how to drink a keg of beer without using their hands. I'm not looking forward to her getting back in a group of eggheads again. People who are always trying to prove how smart they are by talking over your head.
Wilson: So, Tim, you're worried about Jill returning to the world of academia.
Tim: It was a lot of work to get her interested in me in the first place in college, you know. Maybe she goes back and hangs out with all those intellectual types, maybe she- maybe she won't find me that interesting again.
Wilson: Tim, just because Jill grows doesn't mean that she'll grow apart from you.
Tim: No, no, no. Heck. What am I talking about? Why would she trade me in for a new model when she got a V8 like me sitting in the garage at home?
Wilson: You are a classic.

Quote from Jill

Tim: I never told you this, but when we were at school, I always thought you were out of my league.
Jill: I was.
Tim: And I guess I was worried that you'd find a new group of... brainiacs to hang out with. Well, maybe you'll come home to me, I'll be kinda boring.
Jill: [laughs] One thing about coming home to you, Tim, it's never boring.

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