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‘The Kiss and the Kiss Off’ Quotes Page 1 of 5    

Home Improvement: The Kiss and the Kiss Off

625. The Kiss and the Kiss Off

Aired May 20, 1997

Heidi feels underappreciated when the original Tool Girl, Lisa (Pamela Anderson), returns to the show. Meanwhile, Randy and Lauren go out on their first date.

Quote from Al

Al: What is becoming of Al Borland? I mean, is my sensitivity being obliterated by my overwhelming masculinity?
Lisa: I don't think so, Al.

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Quote from Tim

Jill: Tim, which do you think the audience is gonna be more excited about, your primered car or the two tool girls?
Tim: Come on! Tool Time, guys watching... The primered hot rod.
Jill: You are so sweet. I love that you rather look at cars than beautiful women.
Tim: Really?
Jill: Yeah.
Tim: You know what that also means?
Jill: What?
Tim: I'd leave you in a second if I met the right Corvette.

Quote from Tim

Jill: What would happen if Binford asked Bob Vila to come and co-host Tool Time whenever he felt like it?
Tim: I'd probably hit him in the head with a board like I did last time.

Quote from Randy

Randy: Uh... you know, Lauren, it's really great that we could have our first date on your birthday. I hope I picked the right restaurant.
Lauren: No. I love it. Are you OK? You seem a little tense.
Randy: I do? Why?
Lauren: You're buttering your hand.
Randy: Dry skin.

Quote from Wilson

Randy: Gosh, Wilson! I'm just worried that Lauren's not gonna like this date. The more worried I get, the more I screw up.
Wilson: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. [Randy sighs] You know, Randy, I'm reminded of the modern-day guru, Baba Ram Dass. His philosophy is "Be here now."
Randy: Well, I am here now. I think that's the problem.
Wilson: No, no, no, no. What Baba Ram Dass means is be here in the moment, don't worry about what will be, savor what is. Say what's on your mind.
Randy: Well, what's on my mind is that Lauren must think I'm a dork.
Wilson: I've seen the way Lauren looks at you. Her eyes definitely do not say "dork."
Randy: Really?
Wilson: Go to her, Randy.
Randy: Well, I would, but she's in the ladies room.
Wilson: Wait.

Quote from Al

Tim: I haven't talked to you in such a long time. You look great!
Lisa: So do you, but something's different.
Al: No bandages.
Lisa: That's it.

Quote from Brad

Tim: First off, Lisa's coming back. And second of all...
Brad: Lisa? Your old tool girl?
Tim: That's not all. We're gonna have...
Brad: Wait. Will Heidi still be there?
Tim: Yeah, but that's not the best part.
Brad: Two tool girls?
Tim: Yes, Brad!

Quote from Al

Lisa: Hey. Big news. You're looking at Detroit Memorial's newest paramedic.
Al: Congratulations!
Lisa: Thank you!
Al: Boy, it didn't take you long to find a job!
Lisa: Well, they said three years working with Tim was like ten years' experience in emergency.
Al: Ain't that the truth?

Quote from Heidi

Tim: All right, I shouldn't have invited Lisa on the show without asking you how you felt about it.
Heidi: Tim, I wouldn't have minded if I felt like my work was appreciated.
Tim: Come on, I appreciate your work. You know that.
Heidi: No, I don't. You never say anything about it.
Tim: You're a very important part of Tool Time. You're the one who gets there early every day, sets up all the projects. You're the first one out front with a fire extinguisher.
Heidi: Well, that's called self-defense.

Quote from Randy

Randy: Mom, you are not gonna believe it. Lauren and I are finally going out on a date.
Jill: Congratulations!
Randy: Yes. This brings Lauren and me to a whole new level. By the way, what does that mean?
Jill: Well, that you're about to enter a more mature, evolved relationship based on trust and communication. Which means you'll have to be constantly in tune with Lauren's innermost feelings.
Randy: [grunts] Oh, miss the old level.

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