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‘My Dinner with Wilson’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Home Improvement: My Dinner with Wilson

409. My Dinner with Wilson

Aired November 22, 1994

As they prepare to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner at Wilson's, Tim and Jill are shocked to learn that he might be selling his house.

Quote from Wilson

Brad: Hey, Wilson. Do you think maybe I could check out the waterfall?
Wilson: No, that's out of order. But if you boys want, you can play with my Orient Express train set.
Randy: Hey, cool. Where is it?
Wilson: Third door on the left, past the Tibetan meditation room, right before the can.

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Quote from Wilson

Wilson: It's just it's long been a dream of mine to settle in the Mindo-Nambillo forest of western Ecuador.
Tim: Western Ecuador? We all have that dream. But nobody runs off and does it.
Jill: What are you gonna do in Mindo-Nambillo?
Wilson: Well, I'm gonna live in an enchanted forest, I'm gonna renew my spirit, fill my soul, and discover my true place in the universe.
Tim: Can't you just go for the weekend?

Quote from Tim

Tim: I just don't wanna lose my best friend. Who am I gonna talk to when things are bothering me?
Jill: Oh, gee, let me think. Hm? Who could you talk to?
Tim: I can't talk to you about things that are bothering me.
Jill: Why not?
Tim: 'Cause most of the time it's about you.

Quote from Tim

Tim: It's just not gonna be the same without him.
Jill: I know.
Tim: He's been like a father to me. I look up to him.
Jill: I just can't believe how close we've gotten.
Tim: Remember how weird we thought he was when we first moved in?
Jill: How could I forget? He was hanging upside down from that tree imitating the mating call of a possum.
Tim: Remember how many horny possums showed up?

Quote from Tim

Tim: Let me ask you something. Do you ever use the term, "hi-de-ho"?
Fred: Yeah. When it's off to work I go.
Tim: Wait, wait, wait, wait. Can you do a horny possum call?
Fred: What are you? Some kind of pervert?
Tim: No. Do you own an African circumcision mask?
Fred: No. I rent. Francine!
Tim: Jill!

Quote from Wilson

Wilson: You know, we would have been married this month for 25 years. You see, Tim, I met Kathryn in Mindo-Nambillo. We fell in love and made a vow to return there on our silver wedding anniversary.
Tim: So that's why you wanna move back there?
Wilson: Yeah, in part. You see, Tim, I feel like my memories of Kathryn are starting to fade. And it's just like I'm losing her all over again, and I can't let that happen.
Tim: Jeez. She sounds like she's real special, Wilson.
Wilson: Oh. Yes, indeedy. Kathryn was one of a kind. She was the kindest, gentlest person you ever met.
Tim: How did you meet her?
Wilson: Well, it was one of those chance encounters in the forest. Kathryn was a botany buff. I had a flare for flying mammalia. And one night, in a clearing, our paths crossed while waiting for the night-blooming orchids to be pollinated by nocturnal bats.
Tim: That's pretty romantic stuff.
Wilson: Oh, yes. There were many breathtaking images in that forest under the moonlight, but they all pale next to Kathryn.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Wilson, when you talk about her like this, doesn't it seem like she's here?
Wilson: Yeah, it does to me. Boy, I don't know. I guess it's been a long time since I spoke to anyone about her.
Tim: Mm-hm. Mm-hm. Mm-hm. Wilson, I'm reminded of what one of the great thinkers of our time said.
Wilson: Really? Who was that?
Tim: Mario Andretti. Just as he retired from racing, he told a group of people that you don't need the ignition in the car to keep the thrill of the race alive. You just gotta keep in touch with your pit crew.
Wilson: Well, that is very beautiful. But how does it apply to me?
Tim: Do I have to spell out everything for you? You don't need to move to keep the memory alive. You just gotta share it with people that are here.
Wilson: Like you?
Tim: I might not understand every word, but I'm here and I listen.
Wilson: You know, Tim, I think I know what you're saying. I may take you up on that offer.

Quote from Wilson

Wilson: You know, I've got some leftovers. You guys wanna come over tomorrow for lunch? I'll make you ELT sandwiches.
Jill: ELT?
Wilson: Eel, lettuce and tomato.
Jill: I'd love to, Wilson, but I've discovered that I'm allergic to eel.
Wilson: I think Kathryn was too. Either that or she didn't like it and she was just being polite.
Jill: I think I would have had a lot in common with Kathryn.
Wilson: I think you would have too. You know, I started going through some things after I talked to Tim. Would you like to see a wedding photograph?
Jill: I'd love to.
[Wilson shows Jill a picture of him and a woman with the lower half of their faces obscured by the wedding cake]

Quote from Al

Al: Over the years, we've received mail from astute viewers that have noticed that both Tim and I are left-handed.
Tim: I'm left-handed?
Al: That is right. That is why we're doing our Tool Time salute... to lefties.
Tim: Only ten percent of the population in left-handed.
Al: That's true. Perhaps that is why there are so many derogatory terms about us. Such as "left-back." "Left-out."
Tim: Yeah. And when someone's real clumsy, what do you call that?
Al: Tim.

Quote from Tim

Wilson: You know, Tim, it's a funny thing how we let things go when we're living in a place, then we decide to move and we fix it up for somebody else.
Tim: Somebody else. Boy, it's gonna be hard living next-door to somebody else.
Wilson: Tim, would you mind listening while I ruminate?
Tim: No. Go ahead. Use the bush over by the gazebo.
Wilson: No, I mean can I use you as a sounding board?
Tim: [grunts] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sound away.

Quote from Wilson

Tim: What do you got in the tropical room?
Wilson: Myna bird.
Bird: [squawks] Hi-de-ho, good neighbor. [squawks]
Tim: Why, it's got a beak on it, doesn't it? Wilson!
Wilson: Mozart, let him go.

Quote from Wilson

Jill: Uh, Wilson, these hors d'oeuvres look really interesting.
Wilson: Those are authentic Pilgrim foretastes.
Jill: Mm.
Wilson: That's eel pie.
Tim: Mm.

Quote from Tim

Jill: Well, I am really gonna miss him.
Tim: I'm really gonna miss him.
Jill: He's always been there whenever we needed him. I mean, you can be totally honest with him and he never judges you. I always felt like he was a member of the family.
Tim: I like him better than most of your family.

Quote from Wilson

Tim: I'm sorry I never met Kathryn.
Wilson: Oh, you would have liked her, Tim. You would have liked her. We were like two dicotyledons in a Phaseolus.
Tim: What?
Wilson: Two peas in a pod. You like to see a picture of Kathryn?
Wilson: I'd love to.
Tim: What else don't I know about you, Wilson? Were you ever a spy?
Wilson: Well, I could tell you, Tim, but then I'd have to kill you.

Quote from Tim

Tim: It still smells in here. What is that smell?
Jill: I don't know.
Tim: It smells like that fish that Wilson cooks at Christmas.
Jill: You mean lutefisk?
Tim: Remember last year? There were skunks picketing the neighborhood. "Stop it!"
Jill: This is way worse than lutefisk.
Tim: Nothing is worse than lutefisk.

Quote from Tim

Tim: It's here. Ugh! There it is. Probably a dead rodent. Rat.
Jill: A dead rat! Ew!
Tim: Don't say "ew." Something good will come out of this.
Jill: What good could possibly come out of a dead rodent in your wall?
Tim: I get to knock a big hole in there.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Why would Wilson have his house appraised?
Jill: I don't know. Well, people do it all the time. Maybe he's refinancing.
Tim: Or maybe he wants to know what it's worth so he can sell it.
Jill: Oh, I don't think he'd sell the house without telling us about it. Gosh, I hope he's not having financial problems.
Tim: Well, he has been wearing that hat for an awful long time.
Tim: I bet he wants to sell his house.
Jill: No. I think you're jumping to conclusions.
Tim: Hm. I smell a rat.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Hey, Wilson. Speaking of trains - you know, trains move people, people move. [Jill elbows Tim] I think my rib just moved.

Quote from Tim

Tim: I can't stand that smell anymore. I'm gonna get that rat.
Jill: I just can't believe that he's leaving. Why would he pick up and go like that?
Tim: He told you why. He's going down to Kumbaya-Gumbah... to rekindle his spirit and fillet his soul.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Hi there, Wilson.
Wilson: Hi-ho, elevated neighbor. So what are you doing?
Tim: Patching the hole I think that rat got in. What are you up to?
Wilson: Well, while it's warm enough, I'm trying to patch up some cracks in my driveway, but the cement seems too lumpy.
Tim: My rule with cement: If it's got less lumps than Jill's gravy, it's probably all right.

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