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‘Thanks, but No Thanks’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Home Improvement: Thanks, but No Thanks

810. Thanks, but No Thanks

Aired November 24, 1998

Jill encourages Tim to be supportive after Marty and Nancy break up, but the family is surprised when Tim invites Marty and the girls to move in with them.

Quote from Jill

Jill: How was your day?
Tim: Not so good. Did you know that Marty is sleeping at the hardware store?
Jill: So you're jealous Harry didn't ask you first?

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Quote from Tim

Tim: Ah, but it must be great spending the night with all these tools, huh? Waking up with the fresh smell of solvents. A rack of ball cocks. But why dream, you know? Jill's never gonna toss me out.

Quote from Brad

Brad: Here you go, Mark. Until Dad puts in the bunk bed, I'm lending you my good sleeping bag.
Mark: In other words, you get the bed.
Brad: Yeah, of course. The older brother always gets the bed.
Mark: That's not fair.
Brad: Okay. Stronger brother, better looking brother. Hey, I've got a million of them.
Mark: Yeah? Well, I'm smarter.
Brad: Then how come you're sleeping on the floor?

Quote from Jill

Tim: I thought that was a children's book.
Jill: No. The Secret Garden is a children's book. You had My Secret Garden. I don't even want you to read that book.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Now let's talk about the inside of your house. Let's say you have an interior wall that you want to spruce up, make it a little more fun.
Al: That's right. If you want to cover a dull, unattractive surface, sponge painting is a great option.
Tim: Or you can grow a beard.

Quote from Tim

Jill: Sending a Thanksgiving meal to Randy in Costa Rica.
Tim: He can run, but he just can't hide.
Jill: I didn't cook it, I bought it.
Tim: Well, then, he really has something to be thankful for.

Quote from Jill

Jill: Guys, look, just let me talk to your dad for a minute, okay?
Brad: Yeah, this really sucks.
Jill: Don't talk to your father like that. [Brad & Mark exit] This really sucks! You know, I love those girls and I love Marty, but how could you invite three people to live here without even talking to me? Without talking to the boys?
Tim: I couldn't help it. It just happened. You said, "Bend over backwards."
Jill: Well, if I bend over any further backwards, I'm gonna be staring myself in the butt.

Quote from Harry

Tim: Why is he telling Benny this stuff and not me?
Harry: Because Marty feels like he's hit rock bottom. Then, when he sees Benny, he remembers what rock bottom really looks like.

Quote from Harry

Benny: Good morning, Mr. Taylor. How are you enjoying sleeping in Harry's back room?
Marty: No windows, no air, no heat...
Harry: No charge.
Marty: No complaints.
Harry: You know, that's where I sleep when I tell Delores I'm visiting my sister.
Benny: I didn't know you had a sister.
Harry: I don't.

Quote from Harry

Marty: I won't be staying long. I just need a little time to put some things together, then, I'm back on my feet. Oh, man. It's my brother. Hey, remember, not a word to him about me staying back there. [Marty & Harry look at Benny]
Benny: Why do you guys always act like I'm a moron?
Harry: I'll explain later when I have time to talk really slow.

Quote from Benny

Marty: Hey, Tim.Can't talk. New job. Gotta go! [exits]
Tim: Call me later! What's his new job?
Harry: He's working down at Stu's Fish Market deveining shrimp.
Tim: Why's his hair all wet?
Benny: Uh, sometimes they fight back.
Harry: No, no, no. He's helping me test out some of those new high-powered shower heads. The Binford 6100.
Tim: [grunts] Oh, yeah, yeah. It's a great thing. You switch it over to pulse, it'll blow the hair right off your legs.

Quote from Harry

Benny: Oh, by the way, Harry, when do you want me for Thanksgiving?
Harry: I don't want you at all, but if you have to be there, be there at 2:00.
Benny: Great. I'll bum a ride with Marty.
Tim: Marty? Marty's taking his family to your house for Thanksgiving?
Harry: No, just Marty. Delores frightens the children.

Quote from Benny

Tim: Wait a minute. Our family always spends Thanksgiving together. Now Marty's going to your house for Thanksgiving. He's taking a shower in the hardware store. Guys, what's up?
Benny: I'm not at liberty to say.
Tim: There's a donut in it for you.
Benny: Marty and Nancy split up and Marty's sleeping at the store. [eats donut]
Tim: I knew they were having trouble, but how did it come to this?
Benny: Well, in my view, Nancy projected repressed paternal conflicts onto the relationship, while Marty was still grappling with intimacy issues.
Tim: You watch too much Oprah.

Quote from Tim

Tim: I'm serious. He and Nancy have split up.
Jill: Oh, no. What did he say?
Tim: I had to learn this from Benny. Why wouldn't Marty bring this information to me?
Jill: Well, he's afraid you're gonna criticize him. Remember the last time when Marty and Nancy were fighting?
Tim: I was totally supportive.
Jill: You called him a gutless loser.
Tim: In a very supportive way.
Jill: Honey, if you want to help your brother, you're gonna have to realize this is gonna be a very tough time for him. You have to bend over backwards. You have to be supportive. You have to be non-judgmental.
Tim: I gotta be supportive and non-judgmental, but he gets to stay in a hardware store. Where's the justice in that?

Quote from Marty

Tim: Is there any way you guys can work this out?
Marty: I don't think so. You know, we went into counseling to try to fix the marriage, but, well, we both realized we were just looking for a way out.
Tim: This is gonna be really hard on you and the kids.
Marty: Marriage hasn't worked for a long time. She thought I didn't make enough money. She said I wasn't ambitious enough.
Tim: Come on, Marty. That's ridiculous.
Marty: I know. I mean, I think I do pretty good for myself. Don't you?
Tim: Yeah. Well, you're young, you're smart, you're talented, you're...
Marty: Eating peanut butter with a putty knife.
Tim: But you got great legs.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Well, I'll have you know, I talked to Marty. I was very supportive. I told him we'd do anything we could to help him.
Jill: I knew you had it in you.
Tim: You'd be real proud of me. I reminded him that he's family and he might as well just stay at our house.
Jill: You told Marty that he could live here?
Brad: With us?
Tim: Well, just until he gets steady work and gets back on his feet.
Mark: When was the last time Uncle Marty had a steady job?
Brad: [chuckles] I don't even think we were born yet.
Tim: Hey, hey. He's got a great job now. He's gonna be huge in shrimp.

Quote from Brad

Brad: Okay. Where am I supposed to sleep?
Tim: Randy's room.
Mark: And where am I supposed to sleep?
Tim: Randy's room.
Brad: Wait, wait, wait. Don't we get any say in this?
Tim: Brad, Marty is family. When family's in trouble, we gotta pull together.
Brad: Dad, I'm family. Okay? And I don't like the thought of sleeping in a room with Mark.
Mark: You think you got it bad, I gotta stay with you.
Brad: Yeah!

Quote from Tim

Jill: I can't agree to this until we work out the details.
Tim: I've worked out all the details.
Jill: Really? Really? Okay, who is gonna watch those girls when Marty is working?
Tim: Don't know.
Jill: Are the boys gonna get to move back in their rooms when the girls aren't here?
Tim: Don't know.
Jill: Do you even know when they're gonna be moving in? [doorbell rings] No way.

Quote from Tim

Marty: Oh, man. I forgot to make their lunch.
Tim: Got up early. I made it myself. I knew just what they wanted. You got the Spam and squid sandwiches, right?
Marty: You guys are unbelievable. I mean, how am I gonna repay you?
Tim: Your watch.

Quote from Tim

Marty: Sorry I'm late. I was working overtime. Girls give you any trouble?
Jill: No. No. They were angels.
Tim: I helped them with their homework.
Jill: Then I corrected it.

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