Tim: [deep voice] No. Leave the girl alone. Give me my bamboo. My bamboo.
Gracie: Oh, Mr. Panda, thank you so much from saving me from Mr. Monkey.
Tim: Oh, don't thank me. Thank Mr. Tiger.
Gracie: That's Mr. Lion Cub.
Tim: Sorry. I've never been a lion cub before.
Randy: Well, I have. You know, I gotta tell you, it's a tough gig. Everyone expects you to be king.

Jill: Hey, guys. Did, um, any of you see Tool Time today?
Randy: Unfortunately, yes.
Mark: Dad's lost it.
Brad: Yeah, it was his second girlie Tool Time in a row. I mean, what's next, a Pantyhose Week? Or a "Salute to Feminine Hygiene"?
Randy: I don't know about you, but I stop watching the day Dad turns to Al and says, "Do you feel fresh?"

Tim: I started thinking about what we missed by not having a daughter.
Jill: This from the man who used a magnifying glass on every one of my sonograms, praying for a prenatal winkie?

Jill: You went to an adoption agency?
Tim: No, no. I just called a few on my lunch hour. I wouldn't do that without you.
Jill: Well, that's good because I don't want to go to an adoption agency. I don't want to have another child.
Tim: If you need time to think about this, take all the time you want.
Jill: OK... no. And I want you to take this "no" seriously this time.
Tim: If I took it seriously every time you said no, we wouldn't have any kids.

Tim: This is great, though. You get to spend time with your niece. I get to spend time with mine. She's making me want to have a daughter.
Wilson: Well, Tim, I thought in your case, that was no longer an option.
Tim: Well, you can reverse a vasectomy.
Wilson: Well, what about Jill?
Tim: She's not reversible.

Marty: Here's the rundown. No candy.
Tim: No candy.
Marty: No soft drinks.
Tim: No soft drinks.
Marty: No bedtime stories until she's finished brushing her teeth.
Tim: Honey, are you getting this?
Jill: I got it.
Marty: And don't let her watch any more Tool Time. It gives her nightmares.
Jill: Me, too.

Tim: Oh, honey, this is gonna be a great day! The steering column showed up for the hot rod.
Jill: I'll pop open the champagne.
Tim: Am I ever gonna experience a wife who savors the thrill of a new auto part?
Jill: Not till you re-marry.

Marty: Before we start, can I ask you guys a favor?
Jill: Sure. What's up?
Marty: Well, it's our anniversary next week. Nancy and I want to spend the weekend at Houghton Lake.
Jill: Oh, it's so romantic there.
Tim: Oh, especially this time of year. Mmm, Houghton Lake. Walking hand-in-hand across a frozen lake, 30 below zero. Wind chill, 90 below zero. You can just admire each other's snot-sicles.
Jill: Could you get any grosser, do you think?
Tim: Give me some time.

Tim: Well, Auto Boy, ready to do some work?
Brad: Actually, something came up. I just talked to Samantha, I'm gonna go meet her at the mall.
Tim: What about the dash panels?
Brad: Well, let me see, a beautiful blonde goddess who loves me, or dash panels?
Tim: And gauges.
Brad: Adios.
Tim: What's that all about? He promised me he'd help me work on the car, and then he bails on me?
Jill: Oh, Tim, when you were his age, which did you want to be with? A girl, or... Oh, never mind.

Marty: She takes her nap between 2:00 and 4:00, but don't let her sleep more than two hours or she'll keep you up all night.
Jill: I got it under control. In fact, I've got all these fun activities planned for us. We're gonna have a tea party, play dress-up.
Tim: Dress-up? That'll be so much fun! 'cause I've got this darling off-the-shoulder number to die for.
Jill: Have a great time up at the lake.
Marty: OK, thanks. OK, honey. I'll see you in two sleeps. Be a good girl for your Aunt Tim and Uncle Jill.
Tim: I think he means Uncle Tim and Aunt Jill.
Marty: Oh, right. I was thinking of you playing dress-up.