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‘Say Goodnight, Gracie’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Home Improvement: Say Goodnight, Gracie

715. Say Goodnight, Gracie

Aired February 10, 1998

After Tim looks after Marty's daughter Gracie for an afternoon, he wants Jill to consider having a daughter of their own.

Quote from Randy

Tim: [deep voice] No. Leave the girl alone. Give me my bamboo. My bamboo.
Gracie: Oh, Mr. Panda, thank you so much from saving me from Mr. Monkey.
Tim: Oh, don't thank me. Thank Mr. Tiger.
Gracie: That's Mr. Lion Cub.
Tim: Sorry. I've never been a lion cub before.
Randy: Well, I have. You know, I gotta tell you, it's a tough gig. Everyone expects you to be king.

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Quote from Randy

Jill: Hey, guys. Did, um, any of you see Tool Time today?
Randy: Unfortunately, yes.
Mark: Dad's lost it.
Brad: Yeah, it was his second girlie Tool Time in a row. I mean, what's next, a Pantyhose Week? Or a "Salute to Feminine Hygiene"?
Randy: I don't know about you, but I stop watching the day Dad turns to Al and says, "Do you feel fresh?"

Quote from Jill

Tim: I started thinking about what we missed by not having a daughter.
Jill: This from the man who used a magnifying glass on every one of my sonograms, praying for a prenatal winkie?

Quote from Tim

Jill: You went to an adoption agency?
Tim: No, no. I just called a few on my lunch hour. I wouldn't do that without you.
Jill: Well, that's good because I don't want to go to an adoption agency. I don't want to have another child.
Tim: If you need time to think about this, take all the time you want.
Jill: OK... no. And I want you to take this "no" seriously this time.
Tim: If I took it seriously every time you said no, we wouldn't have any kids.

Quote from Tim

Tim: This is great, though. You get to spend time with your niece. I get to spend time with mine. She's making me want to have a daughter.
Wilson: Well, Tim, I thought in your case, that was no longer an option.
Tim: Well, you can reverse a vasectomy.
Wilson: Well, what about Jill?
Tim: She's not reversible.

Quote from Marty

Marty: Here's the rundown. No candy.
Tim: No candy.
Marty: No soft drinks.
Tim: No soft drinks.
Marty: No bedtime stories until she's finished brushing her teeth.
Tim: Honey, are you getting this?
Jill: I got it.
Marty: And don't let her watch any more Tool Time. It gives her nightmares.
Jill: Me, too.

Quote from Jill

Tim: Oh, honey, this is gonna be a great day! The steering column showed up for the hot rod.
Jill: I'll pop open the champagne.
Tim: Am I ever gonna experience a wife who savors the thrill of a new auto part?
Jill: Not till you re-marry.

Quote from Tim

Marty: Before we start, can I ask you guys a favor?
Jill: Sure. What's up?
Marty: Well, it's our anniversary next week. Nancy and I want to spend the weekend at Houghton Lake.
Jill: Oh, it's so romantic there.
Tim: Oh, especially this time of year. Mmm, Houghton Lake. Walking hand-in-hand across a frozen lake, 30 below zero. Wind chill, 90 below zero. You can just admire each other's snot-sicles.
Jill: Could you get any grosser, do you think?
Tim: Give me some time.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Well, Auto Boy, ready to do some work?
Brad: Actually, something came up. I just talked to Samantha, I'm gonna go meet her at the mall.
Tim: What about the dash panels?
Brad: Well, let me see, a beautiful blonde goddess who loves me, or dash panels?
Tim: And gauges.
Brad: Adios.
Tim: What's that all about? He promised me he'd help me work on the car, and then he bails on me?
Jill: Oh, Tim, when you were his age, which did you want to be with? A girl, or... Oh, never mind.

Quote from Marty

Marty: She takes her nap between 2:00 and 4:00, but don't let her sleep more than two hours or she'll keep you up all night.
Jill: I got it under control. In fact, I've got all these fun activities planned for us. We're gonna have a tea party, play dress-up.
Tim: Dress-up? That'll be so much fun! 'cause I've got this darling off-the-shoulder number to die for.
Jill: Have a great time up at the lake.
Marty: OK, thanks. OK, honey. I'll see you in two sleeps. Be a good girl for your Aunt Tim and Uncle Jill.
Tim: I think he means Uncle Tim and Aunt Jill.
Marty: Oh, right. I was thinking of you playing dress-up.

Quote from Tim

Jill: One of the therapists didn't show up for her group at 11:00. Can you cover for me?
Tim: I've never done therapy before. But how hard can it be?
Jill: I mean, can you cover for me with Gracie?
Tim: By myself?
Jill: Tim, you raised three kids.
Tim: I raised three boys. This is a little girl. I don't know about girls.
Jill: Everything is the same as with boys. You read to them. You feed them.
Tim: Is she potty trained?
Jill: She's four years old.
Tim: Well, Marty wasn't potty trained until he was, like, nine. And I still think he's wearing something at night.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Hey, Cousin Randy, how about you play with Cousin Gracie, so Uncle Tim can go play with Mr. Hot Rod?
Randy: Well, uh, Cousin Randy would love to, but unfortunately I gotta spend a couple hours with Uncle Chemistry and Aunt Algebra. See you later.
Tim: OK.
Gracie: What do you want to do now, Uncle Tim?
Tim: Hmm. Hey, I got an idea! Why don't we ask Mr. Gorilla what he wants to do?
Gracie: OK.
Tim: [holds up the gorilla to his ear] No! Really? Mr. Gorilla wants to play hot rod.
Gracie: He does?
Tim: Tell her. [gruff voice] Oh, yeah, love the hot rod. Love the hot rod. [grunts]

Quote from Tim

Gracie: I'll be the princess and you be the queen.
Tim: You want me to be the queen? OK... but if I take you to the hardware store, this never happened, OK?
Gracie: Here's your crown.
Tim: My crown, huh? [female British accent] All right, Princess Gracie, we'll have ourselves a spot of tea. It's very hot. Now, don't burn yourself. After our tea, maybe we'll take the Corgis out for a walk and a wee-wee. Now, Princess Gracie, is there something you'd like to eat with your tea?
Gracie: A cookie.
Tim: You want a cookie? We only have muffins. Hold on a minute. Squire, the good princess wants a cookie! Now, what would Her Royal Figidness like to have?
Randy: How about a lobotomy?
Tim: Well, look who's here. It's the village idiot. Off with his head! Now go! Run! Get his head! Go! Go! Run!

Quote from Tim

Tim: "'Rabbit, let's bounce together.' Rabbit couldn't believe his ears. 'Me, bounce?' he said. 'Well, sure,' said Tigger. 'You got the feet for it."' I wouldn't call those "feet." I would've called those "gunboats." Those are big feet. No wonder he can bounce them. I mean, these feet are gigantic. These are... [notices Gracie is asleep] Looks like somebody else lost their bounce, huh? Let's lie down.
[After Tim lays Gracie down to sleep, he sits back down on the couch and continues reading the book]

Quote from Tim

Jill: There is no possibility. You had a vasectomy.
Tim: They can be reversed. Or better yet, what if we had sex every day? If we had sex every day, then maybe one of my little guys who's been hiding is ready to make his move.
Jill: Tim, you obviously haven't thought this through.
Tim: I want us to think it through. You and me.
Jill: OK. OK, we will. All right. Suppose one of these guys-
Tim: Let's call him, uh, "Bob."
Jill: What is gonna guarantee that "Bob" is gonna get us a girl?
Tim: Bob won't let us down.
Jill: Bob let us down three times!
Tim: That wasn't Bob. That was Steve.

Quote from Tim

Jill: Tim, just listen to yourself. You spend one afternoon with a niece and all of a sudden you want another baby?
Tim: Because I thought it would be fun.
Jill: Fun?
Tim: Yeah. Fun, we'd build a room to keep her.
Jill: Think. This is a child, not a Corvette.
Tim: Yeah. But I wouldn't love her any less, I tell you that.

Quote from Tim

Heidi: Welcome back to Hobby Week.
Tim: Yesterday we showed you how to build this doll house I built for my nieces, Gracie and Claire.
Heidi: And today the focus is on furniture.
Al: That's right. And to build tiny furniture, you need a tiny tool.
Tim: And who knows more about a tiny tool..? [chuckles]
Al: Tim.

Quote from Tim

Brad: Hey, Dad. So tell us, how many more shows are you planning on doing about dolls?
Tim: Oh, two. Doll Patio Furniture and The Best of Hot Rod Barbie, huh?

Quote from Tim

Jill: I can't believe you're still on this. You know, you gotta get a grip. You're obsessed with this daughter stuff.
Tim: You know, that's what the lady at the adoption agency said. I should be open to a boy. But then I explained about the boys we have, she understood.

Quote from Tim

Wilson: Tim, are you really serious about having another child at this point in your life?
Tim: I don't know what's come over me. I really don't. Things started changed the moment I started spending time with Gracie.
Wilson: Ah, mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Tim: Instead of wanting to play G.I. Joes and cap guns, I feel like making cute things, you know? We had a... We had a tea party.
Wilson: [British accent] Oh, a tea party, you say? How delightful!
Tim: [British accent] Quite, quite. Yes, it was. [normal voice] I used to think boys were the ticket! But, boy, Gracie's so different. She's got such an imagination, you know? She brought out the queen in me.
Wilson: No, no, no, no... That's a whole other direction right there. Whoa!

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