Jill: If the Pistons make the play-offs, can I buy some games?
Tim: What do you want with play-off games, honey?
Jill: I'm gonna take my husband.
Tim: Hey. Your husband's a very lucky man.
Delores: How come you never say anything nice like that to me?
Harry: Your husband isn't as lucky.

Benny: So, Tim, we haven't seen much of you lately. Should I take that personally?
Tim: Yes. I've been working really hard on my hot rod. I was trying to get this thing done by Friday.
Harry: Well, you must have been busy. You haven't spent any money here in weeks. I had to cancel my trip to Hawaii.
Al: I just talked to Delores. She didn't say anything about a trip.
Harry: Delores wasn't invited. Besides, she's on her own vacation. She's scaring the bulls in Pamplona.

Harry: How's it going?
Tim: Well, I'm numb. I just spent three of the most boring hours of my life at the library.
Eddie: Three hours?
Harry: You know, I think if you put together all the time I've ever spent in a library, it wouldn't come out to be three hours.
Tim: God, who would have guessed?

Tim: You know, this is amazing. Really amazing. You know a guy all your life and you don't know what's going on under his pants. [puts his hand on Harry's shoulder]
Harry: You know, just between you and me, there's nothing to it. You feel exactly the same as you did before. The only difference is your sex life.
Tim: What happens to it?
Harry: Any time, any place.
Tim: [laughs] Any time, any place.
Harry: You got it.
Tim: So this helped your relationship?
Harry: Well, nothing could help our relationship. But our sex life is a lot better. Well, just this morning I was getting ready to go to work, and Delores came in with curlers in her hair, and nothing else...
Tim: Harry, you've helped enough.

Tim: Harry, why all of a sudden?
Harry: Delores.
Tim: Oh, her asthma's acting up again?
Harry: Oh, yeah. She wants to move to a warmer climate.
Benny: Yeah. They're moving to Tucson. That's in Arizona.
Harry: Tucson is Plan A. Plan B is we stop at a gas station, she goes in to powder her nose, and I burn rubber for Vegas.
Al: You can't just leave your wife in the middle of nowhere.
Harry: If we're meant to be together, she'll find me.

Al: Come on! Doesn't somebody have something good to say about marriage?
Harry: Be good if mine ended.

Harry: But I want the Bulls on January 21st.
Delores: January 21st is our anniversary.
Harry: Well, guess where we're going.
Delores: Over my dead body.
Harry: Well, at least for once it'll be nice and quiet in the car.

Tim: Hey, guys. Talk to Harry? Is he here?
Al: No. He overslept. Said it was the first time in 25 years he didn't have Delores's face to shock him awake.
Tim: Guys, this means they really split up. He must feel terrible.
Harry: [enters, singing] Oh, what a beautiful morning Oh, what a beautiful day I've got a beautiful feeling. [talks] Hi, guys. Hey, how are you doing here? Oh, man! I feel like a million bucks!
Marty: Yeah, Harry's pain's really overwhelming him.

Benny: Is it my imagination or is Wilson more annoying than me?
Harry: It's close.
Tim: Be patient, OK? He's just trying to be one of the guys, all right?
Harry: Well, if he doesn't stop yapping, the guys are gonna go over to my house and watch the game.
Tim: Listen to you. Rather than drink beer here and burp up nachos, you want to be home with your wife?
Harry: Well, if I said that, I didn't mean it.

Al: Hey, Harry. How are you feeling?
Harry: Good as new. My doctor said the best thing to do after a heart attack is to surround yourself with loved ones.
Tim: So you left your wife at home and came down to the hardware store.
Harry: [chuckles] You got it.