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‘Arrivederci, Binford’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Home Improvement: Arrivederci, Binford

305. Arrivederci, Binford

Aired October 13, 1993

Tim doesn't know how to show his emotions after John Binford passes away.

Quote from Al

Tim: That brings us to the final segment here on Tool Time. You know, when men get done doing a real hard job, sometimes we don't look like we want to, right, Al?
Al: No, we don't, Tim.
Tim: I'm usually hot, greasy, sweaty...
Al: And bleeding.

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Quote from Tim

Tim: Al has just cleaned this window with Binford's standard-size squeegee, perfect for daily jobs. For the big job, you might want to turn to Binford's mega squeegee. This can clean the windshield of a big rig in one stroke.
Al: And a storefront in under a minute.
Tim: And Al's mother's back in less than an hour. Now remember, if it doesn't say "Binford" on it, somebody else probably makes it.

Quote from Wilson

Wilson: Well, Tim, maybe crying isn't your outlet. The shedding of tears is just one way that people mourn.
Tim: [grunts] Oh?
Wilson: Oh, yes. In parts of Mexico, the bereaved decorate the grave with smiling puppets, and then they eat chocolate coffins.
Tim: Melts in your mouth, but not in the ground.
Wilson: On the Solomon Islands, they hang the dead man's arms on his hut. And in feudal Japan, when a lord died, the ronin samurai would show their loyalty by disemboweling themselves.
Tim: Whew, talk about guts.
Wilson: Point is, Tim, when you lose somebody who's close to you, you have to find a way to mourn. It's what enables you to accept the fact that person is really, truly... gone.

Quote from Jill

Jill: You know that woman - Marilyn Sanders - who's always raising money for everything?
Tim: Cute blonde with the really big... eyes?
Jill: Those "eyes" are way bigger than they were six months ago. Anyway, she talked me into heading up this library fund-raiser. And I don't have time for this. You know, I got the job and the boys and... my inattentive husband.
Tim: Huh?
Jill: Tim, come on.
Tim: Tell you what you do.
Jill: What?
Tim: You call her up and you lie to her, tell her you gotta spend all this time with your husband 'cause he's got a severe mental problem.
Jill: Where's the lie?

Quote from Pete

Tim: But help is on the way. To give us some grooming tips from the job site, we've invited those boys from Bay City, Michigan, back - the guys from K&B Construction Company. Let's give 'em a big Tool Time welcome. Come on, everybody.
Dwayne: Timmy!
Tim: You all remember Pete and Dwayne. You got a new member - Gus. Gus, what'd you do before you joined up with K&B?
Gus: Well, Tim, I spent nine years teaching 12th-grade math.
Pete: Dwayne spent nine years taking 12th-grade math.

Quote from Dwayne

Tim: I've always said you can tell a man by the shine of his shoes.
Dwayne: And by how clean his nails are.
Tim: You need a little work on those nails. That's why we've got this line of Binford hand-care products in attractive packaging. Environmentally sound.
Dwayne: I know they're dirty now, Tim, but sometimes on the job site, when you ain't got no water, you can't get your nails clean. So before I step out to the discos, I take a ten-penny nail, and I scrunch out all that filth and crud. Here, Marv, you wanna come in for a closeup?
Tim: No, let's not do that now. Out of respect for people who might be having a meal, we'll forgo that demonstration, but thanks so much for showing us that.
Dwayne: Okay, okay.
Tim: Anything else you guys got for us?
Pete: Well, Tim, probably the biggest grooming problem out on the construction site is... well, helmet hair. [The K&B guys take off their hats]
Tim: Oh, yeah, hat head. [to Dwayne] Not a real big problem on your end, is it? Why don't I just buff that up to a high gloss?

Quote from Al

Al: Well, Mr. Binford's death was very traumatic for me. There was... there was something left unresolved between us.
Tim: Between you and John?
Al: Yes. Last week, I asked if we could have a hot-water spigot on the water cooler. He said he didn't think it was necessary. So the next morning, I was very curt to him when I said hello.
Tim: Yeah?
Al: Well, that's it. Now I have to live with that for the whole rest of my life.

Quote from Tim

Al: When was the last time you spoke with him?
Tim: Yesterday.
Al: You did? How'd he sound?
Tim: Alive!
Al: Did he say anything about my being curt to him?
Tim: Did he say...? As a matter of fact, that's... that's all we talked about. I'm convinced that that's what killed him, Al. [Al looks upset] Al, it was a joke.

Quote from Tim

Jill: Will you guys show a little respect?
Tim: Yeah, please, please. I got an idea. Why don't you guys get changed? Let's go play some basketball at the Y.
Kids: Yeah!
Jill: Honey, how can you play basketball? What about John Binford?
Tim: I don't think he can play in his condition.

Quote from Wilson

Tim: Hey, Wilson.
Wilson: Hi-ho, Tim.
Tim: What are you doing?
Wilson: I'm aerating my lawn with my new steel-tipped aerator sandals.
Tim: Do you ever cry, Wilson?
Wilson: Anytime I step on my foot with one of these silly sandals.
Tim: [grunts] Yeah, I can understand that.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Hey, where have you been?
Jill: Well, let's see. After I ate dinner alone, then I went to the mailbox and mailed the 250 flyers which I stuffed, stamped and addressed myself because you took the boys to play basketball.
Tim: I guess I should have stuck around and talked to you.
Jill: I would have preferred that, yeah.
Tim: I'm sorry, Jill, but, you know, I didn't know really how to talk about any of this stuff. I'm really uncomfortable with this death thing. Which is why we have kids instead of pets, 'cause they last longer.

Quote from Tim

Jill: Honey, I knew that you were upset about it.
Tim: But, you know, you didn't know why. John Binford was the greatest guy in the world to me. And you know what the first thing I thought about when I heard he was dead? Are they gonna cancel the show? Am I out of a job? That is so selfish.
Jill: I don't think that's selfish. You were thinking about the welfare of your family. It's not selfish.
Tim: What if I told you I was worried if the show went off the air, no one would recognize me at the mall?
Jill: That would be a selfish thing, yeah.

Quote from Tim

Tim: I just don't know how to mourn for John Binford.
Jill: Is there anything I can do to help you?
Tim: No. I'm pretty sure that people have to learn how to mourn for themselves. You know, people mourn in different cultures in different ways. I know in some cultures, they put chocolate puppets in coffins. And in the Chinoogie Islands, or someplace, they actually hang arms on aluminum siding as a way to do this. And Ronny the samurai - you don't even wanna know what he does.
Jill: I don't know, Tim. It may take a while, but I think that you're gonna find a way to grieve. You know, I just hope that you don't cut anything off.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Anyway, today, we're gonna talk about John Binford.
Al: Founder of Binford Tools.
Tim: Uh, John Binford passed away this Thursday. And, um... John Binford was a heck of a guy. He was the kind of guy you could call 24 hours a day if anything as bothering you. He was always there for you.
Al: The kind of guy who would forgive someone for being curt.
Tim: Or Russell or whatever your name might be. Uh... John Binford believed in me when I was just a tool salesman many years ago. And he handpicked me to host what has now become... Michigan's fourth-highest-rated cable tool show. I owe a lot to John Binford. And in his honor, I've made him a special tombstone. Al. This is outta one piece of Michigan limestone.
Al: I'm very impressed, Tim.
Tim: Thanks, Al. I chiseled this out of limestone in the shape of a claw hammer, which is the first hammer that Binford designed.
Al: Yes, it was.
Tim: Uh, John once told me that... with the right tool, you can fix anything. Huh. Unfortunately, um... there's no tool that can fix how I'm feeling right now. I'm gonna miss you, John.

Quote from Tim

Jill: Tim, you know what my problem is? [Tim is focused on the TV] Tim! You know what my problem is?
Tim: Huh?
Jill: You know what my problem is?
Tim: You repeat yourself.
Jill: No. I am just too nice.
Tim: That's what I was gonna say.
Tim: Can I watch this fight, please?
Jill: No. Here. Wait.
Tim: Why are you turning the sound down?
Jill: Because I need your help. Here...
Tim: What's the point of listening to the fight if I can't hear their skulls being batted around?

Quote from Tim

Tim: What kind of grooming tips you got for us?
Pete: Well, Tim, probably the biggest concern in construction today is when you've got to go somewhere really fancy straight from the job site.
Dwayne: That's right, buddy. You can't show up looking like this to Vegas Night at the Kiwanis.
Tim: So... what's a guy to do?
Gus: Well, Tim, we like to use the tools of our trade to clean up our act. Let me show you. Tim, I want you to take a look at my boot and tell me what you see.
Tim: All right. Marv, move in and let's take a look at this. Oh. Good golly, Molly. I see a little bit of concrete shavings, maybe some tar... something maybe you should have wiped off before you came in.
Gus: Well, it's not gonna look like that for long, 'cause all I have to do is take an ordinary sock, roll it around my screwdriver like this, stick the screwdriver in my drill... All right. And voilà, I've got myself a nifty boot buffer.

Quote from Pete

Pete: Tim, I've found that a good, strong air compressor... works beautifully to add bounce to a lifeless hairdo.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Oh, that was a fun show. Thanks, guys. A lot of fun.
Al: Brace yourself, Tim. Something awful has happened.
Tim: You saw your mom in the shower?

Quote from Tim

Al: How can you play darts at a time like this?
Tim: Because the foosball table's broken.
Al: Mr. Binford passed away. Don't you think we should talk about this?
Tim: He's dead. Now get outta my way.
Al: I think you need to grieve.
Tim: I think you need to get outta my way, Al.

Quote from Al

Al: Sorry, Tim, but I... I don't have my usual sense of humor. And frankly, I find your attempt at levity a little inappropriate.
Tim: What am I gonna do, cry in my beer?
Al: Well, if you did, I wouldn't look down on you.
Tim: It's not gonna bring him back. All right?
Al: That's not the point. You suffered a big loss. We all did. [sobs]
Tim: Pull it together, will you, Al?
Al: I just... I didn't really need that spigot! I just thought maybe it would be nice to have some hot chocolate once in a while.
Tim: [to the other patrons] It devastates him when they run out of corn nuts.

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