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Home Improvement: Arrivederci, Binford

305. Arrivederci, Binford

Aired October 13, 1993

Tim doesn't know how to show his emotions after John Binford passes away.

Quote from Al

Tim: That brings us to the final segment here on Tool Time. You know, when men get done doing a real hard job, sometimes we don't look like we want to, right, Al?
Al: No, we don't, Tim.
Tim: I'm usually hot, greasy, sweaty...
Al: And bleeding.

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Quote from Tim

Tim: Al has just cleaned this window with Binford's standard-size squeegee, perfect for daily jobs. For the big job, you might want to turn to Binford's mega squeegee. This can clean the windshield of a big rig in one stroke.
Al: And a storefront in under a minute.
Tim: And Al's mother's back in less than an hour. Now remember, if it doesn't say "Binford" on it, somebody else probably makes it.

Quote from Wilson

Wilson: Well, Tim, maybe crying isn't your outlet. The shedding of tears is just one way that people mourn.
Tim: [grunts] Oh?
Wilson: Oh, yes. In parts of Mexico, the bereaved decorate the grave with smiling puppets, and then they eat chocolate coffins.
Tim: Melts in your mouth, but not in the ground.
Wilson: On the Solomon Islands, they hang the dead man's arms on his hut. And in feudal Japan, when a lord died, the ronin samurai would show their loyalty by disemboweling themselves.
Tim: Whew, talk about guts.
Wilson: Point is, Tim, when you lose somebody who's close to you, you have to find a way to mourn. It's what enables you to accept the fact that person is really, truly... gone.

Quote from Jill

Jill: You know that woman - Marilyn Sanders - who's always raising money for everything?
Tim: Cute blonde with the really big... eyes?
Jill: Those "eyes" are way bigger than they were six months ago. Anyway, she talked me into heading up this library fund-raiser. And I don't have time for this. You know, I got the job and the boys and... my inattentive husband.
Tim: Huh?
Jill: Tim, come on.
Tim: Tell you what you do.
Jill: What?
Tim: You call her up and you lie to her, tell her you gotta spend all this time with your husband 'cause he's got a severe mental problem.
Jill: Where's the lie?

Quote from Pete

Tim: But help is on the way. To give us some grooming tips from the job site, we've invited those boys from Bay City, Michigan, back - the guys from K&B Construction Company. Let's give 'em a big Tool Time welcome. Come on, everybody.
Dwayne: Timmy!
Tim: You all remember Pete and Dwayne. You got a new member - Gus. Gus, what'd you do before you joined up with K&B?
Gus: Well, Tim, I spent nine years teaching 12th-grade math.
Pete: Dwayne spent nine years taking 12th-grade math.

Quote from Dwayne

Tim: I've always said you can tell a man by the shine of his shoes.
Dwayne: And by how clean his nails are.
Tim: You need a little work on those nails. That's why we've got this line of Binford hand-care products in attractive packaging. Environmentally sound.
Dwayne: I know they're dirty now, Tim, but sometimes on the job site, when you ain't got no water, you can't get your nails clean. So before I step out to the discos, I take a ten-penny nail, and I scrunch out all that filth and crud. Here, Marv, you wanna come in for a closeup?
Tim: No, let's not do that now. Out of respect for people who might be having a meal, we'll forgo that demonstration, but thanks so much for showing us that.
Dwayne: Okay, okay.
Tim: Anything else you guys got for us?
Pete: Well, Tim, probably the biggest grooming problem out on the construction site is... well, helmet hair. [The K&B guys take off their hats]
Tim: Oh, yeah, hat head. [to Dwayne] Not a real big problem on your end, is it? Why don't I just buff that up to a high gloss?

Quote from Al

Al: Well, Mr. Binford's death was very traumatic for me. There was... there was something left unresolved between us.
Tim: Between you and John?
Al: Yes. Last week, I asked if we could have a hot-water spigot on the water cooler. He said he didn't think it was necessary. So the next morning, I was very curt to him when I said hello.
Tim: Yeah?
Al: Well, that's it. Now I have to live with that for the whole rest of my life.

Quote from Tim

Al: When was the last time you spoke with him?
Tim: Yesterday.
Al: You did? How'd he sound?
Tim: Alive!
Al: Did he say anything about my being curt to him?
Tim: Did he say...? As a matter of fact, that's... that's all we talked about. I'm convinced that that's what killed him, Al. [Al looks upset] Al, it was a joke.

Quote from Tim

Jill: Will you guys show a little respect?
Tim: Yeah, please, please. I got an idea. Why don't you guys get changed? Let's go play some basketball at the Y.
Kids: Yeah!
Jill: Honey, how can you play basketball? What about John Binford?
Tim: I don't think he can play in his condition.

Quote from Wilson

Tim: Hey, Wilson.
Wilson: Hi-ho, Tim.
Tim: What are you doing?
Wilson: I'm aerating my lawn with my new steel-tipped aerator sandals.
Tim: Do you ever cry, Wilson?
Wilson: Anytime I step on my foot with one of these silly sandals.
Tim: [grunts] Yeah, I can understand that.

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