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‘Home for the Holidays’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Home Improvement: Home for the Holidays

811. Home for the Holidays

Aired December 8, 1998

When Randy returns from Costa Rica for the holidays, he feels out of step with the family given all that has changed since he left. Meanwhile, Tim has a new competitor in the Christmas lighting contest: Al.

Quote from Tim

Heidi: Merry Christmas and welcome to Tool Time. We're live on Al's rooftop. Now, here's the star of the show, Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor.
Tim: Thank you, Heidi. I am Tim... Well, "The Yule Man" Taylor. And, of course, you all know my assistant, Al "Be Home for Christmas Just Like Every Other Night" Borland.

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Quote from Tim

Randy: You know, I miss my friends. I miss writing for the school paper. I miss Arnold Schwarzenegger movies in English.
Tim: How do they say "Hasta la vista, baby" in Spanish?

Quote from Tim

Jill: I guess since your dad and I are living here in the middle of all these changes, we haven't even noticed half of them.
[Tim falls off the roof with one of his decorations]
Tim: It's okay. The ground seems to have broken my fall.
Randy: Then again, some things never change.

Quote from Al

Brad: Wow, what an awesome lighting display.
Randy: Yeah. Those figures look so lifelike.
Marty: At least now we know why Al won.
Tim: Yeah, it's amazing what a little blood, sweat and 10 grand will do.
Jill: Maybe next year, honey.
[on the roof:]
Trudy: They're gone. Now can we get down from here?
Al: Yeah, I think so.
Trudy: Oh, no. My feet are frozen to the roof. Help me, Al.
Al: I can't. I'm stuck in the chimney.
Trudy: What are we gonna do?
Both: Help! Help! Help! Help! Over here!

Quote from Tim

Al: Well, today, we're gonna show you the proper way of putting up Christmas lights on your roof. Heidi here's installing a GFI outlet.
Tim: A GFI is a ground fault interrupter. It prevents people from being shocked, something I know an awful lot about.
Al: Now, I've already done the wiring. I brought the conduit in from the attic. Make sure that the lighting strands and the extension cords are heavy-duty UL-approved and marked for outdoor use.
Tim: That prevents electrical fires, something else I know an awful lot about.
Heidi: That's right. And Al and I have taken the ultimate safety precaution.
Al: We're not allowing Tim to do any of the work. [Al & Heidi laugh]

Quote from Mark

Mark: So how's Puerto Rico?
Randy: Costa Rica.
Mark: Then, I guess you didn't get my letters.

Quote from Wilson

Randy: I mean, why did I think time would just stand still?
Wilson: You know, I've often wondered the same thing. I've got a machine down in my basement that can slow it down, but I just can't make it stop! [chuckles]
Randy: Wilson, why did I even want things to stay the same?
Wilson: Well, Randy, as you venture out on your own, it's only natural for you to want home to be the same secure place that you left behind.
Randy: Wilson, I just want someone to notice that I'm here. You know, I could go all the way back to Costa Rica without ever getting a chance to talk to my mom and dad.
Wilson: Well, you can't let that happen, now. You have to find an opening. Let your voice be heard. Sing, "Hallelujah!" Go Tell It on the Mountain! Blow your Trumpet, Gabriel! Remember the Alamo!
Randy: Wilson?
Wilson: I get the point.
Randy: Thanks.

Quote from Tim

Al: Anyway, I'm especially excited about decorating this year. This is my first Christmas in my new house.
Tim: Actually, it isn't your house. He rents it from me, so it would be my house.
Al: Well, technically, I...
Tim: Technically, the windows are mine, the roof is mine, the house is mine.
Al: Getting into the holiday spirit early, I see.
Tim: Ah, yes. Windows, bathtub, sinks, faucets. Mine, mine, mine, mine. Aren't they, Al? Mine, mine, mine...
Al: Well, this actually is my first Christmas...
Tim: Mine, mine, mine!

Quote from Tim

Tim: Ooh, I'm shaking in my Sorels! But in the spirit of healthy competition, I've decided to give Al some of my cool decorations from last year.
Al: Well, thank you, Tim.
Tim: It's nothing.
Al: I'll say. We got some tangled lights and a melted elf.
Tim: Well, actually, he prefers melted little person.
Al: Speaking of melted things, we'll be right back after these words from Saginaw Cheese.
All: Cheese, it's good!

Quote from Tim

Trudy: The rest of the decorations have arrived and they're really cute.
Tim: In this competition, cute doesn't cut it, sister.
Trudy: I think we'll be fine.
Heidi: Wow. What is that?
[A giant Santa inflates behind the house, poking above the roof]
Tim: Hey, Mrs. Borland. That red's so slimming on you.

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