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‘Satellite on a Hot Tim's Roof’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Home Improvement: Satellite on a Hot Tim's Roof

104. Satellite on a Hot Tim's Roof

Aired October 8, 1991

As Tim attempts to install a satellite on the roof, he is distracted by the guy who claims to be helping Jill with her resume.

Quote from Jill

Jill: Tim, what do you know about installing a satellite dish?
Tim: It's simple. Mount it, point it straight up. Any man can do that.
Jill: Yeah, but... But it has to stay up longer than ten seconds.

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Quote from Tim

Rondall: Oh, do that thing you do on the show. That barking sound. That... [barks]
Tim: Well, it's really not barking. It's more like a simian grunt. [grunts]
Rondall: Yeah, barking, grunting, whatever. It's a very funny show. You're very funny on it.
Tim: It's not all fun and games. It's a home improvement show. Basically what we do...
Rondall: Well, but you're very funny on it. Not like the other guy on the show. The guy who knows everything.
Tim: Al. Al's my assistant. He assists me.

Quote from Wilson

Tim: I was wondering, when you watch my show Tool Time, do you think I'm funny?
Wilson: Well, I've got to be honest with you, Tim. I've never seen the show.
Tim: You've never seen my show?
Wilson: No. But I don't have a television.
Tim: Everybody's got a TV.
Wilson: Not me. I just use my imagination. Watch the pictures inside my mind.
Tim: Cuts down on reruns then, doesn't it?
Wilson: Not really, Tim. There's always déjà vu.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Okay, now that we've finished clamping our stool and the glue is set. Let's move on to our table top. We're gonna show you how to do a dado head cut move today. Now, a dado is just a carpenter's term for a groove cut into wood. If you use the word "dado", your wife will think you're intelligent. Right, Al?
Al: I'm not married, Tim.
Tim: Well, if you use it in a conversation, maybe you'll get lucky.

Quote from Tim

Tim: This is the Binford Mach Three SuperPlunge Router. Oh, a thing of beauty, isn't it? Three horsepower motor. Variable electronic speed control and an adjustable depth-stop system. When using a router, you wanna use a real steady hand.
Al: Well, you might want to use the guide arm so it doesn't get away from you.
Tim: You don't always have to use the guide arm if you have a steady hand.
Al: Well, if you want a straight line, Tim.
Tim: Al, I've been doing this for years, all right? Just hold the table, all right?
Al: Okay.
Tim: Start our cut. Set your depth gauge and get going.
[As Tim starts the router, it veers across the wood creating a loop figure. Afterwards, Tim pulls out his rule and pretends to measure the cut]
Tim: Perfect, Al. Just... does a good job of scrolling. Uh, while Al cleans up this deliberate mess of mine. I'd like to welcome a new family member to Tool Time. Alpena, Michigan. Cold in the winter... Pretty cold in the summer too, isn't it, I tell you. Kidding around with you. It's channel 97 there on your cable box. I'd like to give the folks up there in Alpena - Al, there you are - a Tool Time greeting. What do you say, Al? [Tim grunts] Come on, guys. [audience grunts] Well, I'll tell ya... That's about all for Tool Time today. I'm Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor. Hoping... Hoping that all your fasteners stay tight. See you next time. [grunts]

Quote from Al

Tim: I was kind of hoping you could stop by Saturday, maybe have lunch, help me put it up.
Al: Oh, gee, I was hoping to have the weekend alone. Kind of a private man time.
Lisa: Al? Oh, good, Al.
Al: Yeah?
Lisa: What time did you say you wanted to come over tomorrow to help me put up my bookshelves?
Al: Oh... How about 9:00?
Lisa: That's perfect. I'll see you then. Bye, Tim.
Tim: See you, Lis. Kinda that private man time, huh?
Al: Well, she's a co-worker, Tim. I think of her as a man.
Tim: That's why you're still single, Al.

Quote from Jill

Tim: Okay, once we get that satellite dish put up on the roof there, run that co-ax cable down the wall there, Mark, run it through the house, attach it to that TV set, we are equipped to get 200 stations.
Jill: 200 stations?
Tim: Yeah.
Jill: Great. Now it's going to take you 45 minutes to find out there's nothing on you wanna watch.
Tim: Yeah.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Hey! [sniffles] Can you smell that? That's diesel fumes. That's a turbo diesel. That's 16 speeds. Tandem axle. That's a delivery truck. [grunts]
Mark: You can smell all that?
Tim: I sure can. Come on, help me out. Go out on the front porch and see if that delivery truck's on the way because I think our satellite dish is coming. Let me know when it's in.

Quote from Jill

Jill: Yeah, you know, the teacher from that job search seminar I've been taking.
Tim: Why is he coming over here?
Jill: Well, last Monday after class, we were having coffee, and he said that anybody that needed...
Tim: [whistles] Time out, flag that play. You had coffee with Rondall?
Jill: Yeah.
Tim: You didn't tell- You didn't tell me about this coffee.
Jill: Oh, I'm sorry. It was cream, two sugars.

Quote from Jill

Tim: Was it... Was it coffee? Or coffee and dancing?
Jill: Tim, don't be silly. It was a few of us went out for coffee after class...
Tim: Oh, safety in numbers thing.
Jill: Then Rondall said that if anybody needed any extra help, maybe we should give him a call.
Tim: So you sprinted right over to the phone and called him?
Jill: Yes. He's gonna help me get my resume in order for that job interview I have Monday.
Tim: Giving up his whole day Saturday, that guy must have a pretty understanding wife.
Jill: He's not married.
Tim: How'd you find that out? During coffee?
Jill: No, while we were dancing.

Quote from Jill

Jill: Tim, what is the matter with you? Don't you trust me?
Tim: No, it's not trust. I'm just... I'm just not sure a man would give up a Saturday for a woman unless he wanted something in return.
Jill: Tim, he's just a good guy. He's helping me out.
Tim: Don't I recall you telling me that he was this big, strapping, cute, big hunk kinda guy?
Jill: You know I never said that.
Tim: Is he kinda cute?
Jill: I don't know. Some people would say so.
Tim: Cuter than me?
Jill: Some people would say so.

Quote from Tim

Randy: How does this thing work, Dad?
Tim: Well, use your imagination, if you will. When you look up there, there are satellites orbiting the planet. Sucking up information from every corner of the globe and spitting it back down here in this parabolic dish. You know, this is very dangerous, though, satellite dishes, 'cause they have a pulse of their own... And if you don't watch out, they can suck you into them. [all yelling]

Quote from Tim

Rondall: Your husband's putting up a satellite dish?
Tim: Yeah, this afternoon.
Rondall: I hope you have some help.
Tim: [to himself] Don't need any help, Bondo. [to Rondall] No, I'm gonna do it all by myself.
Jill: Tim, maybe you should call Al, 'cause, you know, he really knows about all that stuff.
Tim: Al is my assistant. He assists me.

Quote from Tim

Rondall: Yeah, I think you should listen to Jill. You know, when I had mine put in, I had a couple of guys from Global View Satellites install it.
Tim: Did ya? That must have cost you a pretty penny, huh?
Rondall: Well, you know, it was worth it when you consider that the installation requires a precise calculation of the declination angle of the dish in relation to the equator.
Tim: Yeah.
Rondall: The slightest deviation and the dish is useless. Of course, you know that.
Tim: It goes without saying.

Quote from Tim

Wilson: Tim, I got the feeling you got something more on your mind than television.
Tim: Eh, not really, Wilson. It's just Jill is working on her resume with this guy, a know-it-all type. He's trying to impress her.
Wilson: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. That worries you?
Tim: Well, I'm not jealous. I'm the least jealous guy on earth, really.
Wilson: Curious thing about jealousy. Usually it stems from insecurity.
Tim: There's no insecurity here, I can tell you that. However much I'm not jealous. I'm twice as much not insecure.
Wilson: Well, you should be secure, Tim. You've got what every man dreams of.
Tim: Yeah, a satellite dish.
Wilson: No, Tim. Three strapping boys, a nice home, a loving wife.
Tim: You're so right, you know. Jill and I share so many great things. Memories, great food - we love eating. You know - laughter. Nobody makes her laugh like I do. [Jill laughs in the living room with Rondall] [Tim grunts]

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