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‘Sisters and Brothers’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Home Improvement: Sisters and Brothers

424. Sisters and Brothers

Aired May 2, 1995

After traveling around the world, Jill's photographer sister Carrie (Tudi Roche) visits to see what suburban life is like. Marty and Nancy have to stay at the Taylor house after Tim screws up moving day. Meanwhile, Al's brother, Cal, visits Tool Time.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Just great. Look at the time, huh? Now it's off to work I go without my "hi-de-ho."

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Quote from Wilson

Tim: Could I talk to Wilson for a minute? I got a couple of minutes before I go to work.
Jill: You'll have to wait.
Tim: I can't wait.
Jill: I'm sorry, we only have one Wilson and I'm using him.
Wilson: You know, neighbors, I am a friend. I'm not a rest room.
Jill: I'm sorry, Wilson. Tim, come on, I know you wanna talk to Wilson about me, but I was here first.
Tim: Well, hurry up. I don't know how long I can hold it.

Quote from Al

Tim: All right. Let's give a big, warm Tool Time welcome for Cal "He's gotta be better-looking than Al" Borland. I don't see any family resemblance, do you?
Al: Well, actually, I take after Father and Cal looks like Mother.
Tim: And a fine-looking woman she is. Come on, Cal. You wanna tell us about growing up with Al?
Cal: I don't think so, Tim. [Al and Cal snort]
Al: [laughs] He's got that Borland humor.
Tim: Yeah, the kind that isn't funny.

Quote from Wilson

Wilson: So Jill, what did you want to talk about?
Jill: Carrie. You know, when we were kids we were so close. We used to share a room, we told each other everything. Now we get together, all we do is fight.
Wilson: Why do you think that is?
Jill: I don't know. Ever since high school, we've been going in different directions.
Wilson: Well, sometimes it is difficult to find a way back to each other.
Jill: You know, maybe I just need to face the fact that we're never gonna be close again.
Wilson: Well, Jill, I wouldn't give up hope just yet. You know, I'm reminded of the 19th century English poet, Christina Rossetti, who wrote, "There is no friend like a sister in calm or stormy weather. To cheer one on the tedious way, To fetch one if one goes astray."
Jill: Hmm. Wait, which one of us is going astray?
Wilson: Well, if you lose the relationship, maybe both of you.

Quote from Al

Al: As I said, we always resolved our differences with a nice cup of tea.
Tim: What are you - the Queen Mother?
Al: No. But nothing like a cup of Earl Grey to soothe sibling rivalry.
Cal: Of course, I would have preferred chamomile.
Al: Chamomile? You never said anything.
Cal: Well, you never asked.
Al: Cal, I can't believe this. You hold back on your tea preferences and then blurt it out on my television show?
Tim: Your television show?
Cal: For another thing, I'm getting sick and tired of you always flaunting your success.
Al: Well, you're just jealous because I have a prestigious career and you're just a lowly physicist!
Tim: Boys, television show. Live audience.

Quote from Al

Tim: It's springtime on Tool Time. Al, you know what that means?
Al: Yes, I do, Tim. It means you're having me clean your patio furniture again.
Tim: And boy, it's a mess this year. Now, there are simple solutions for taking old paint and rust off right off that chair.
Al: Although one solution would be not to leave your furniture out all winter.
Tim: Then we wouldn't have any rust, we wouldn't have a show and you wouldn't have what, Al?
Al: A very small paycheck.

Quote from Tim

Tim: But I got a method that'll outshine your wire brushes, your flosses, your ointments, your salves. Put them all to shame. Heidi, my hot-air gun, please.
Heidi: Here you go, Tim.
Tim: Thank you, Heidi.
Heidi: You're welcome.
Al: A hot-air gun does not remove rust, it removes paint.
Tim: Well, this one does both. I made a few adjustments here. This'll take the paint off a battleship.
Al: Something a lot of our viewers have on their patio.
Tim: Just back off. [turns on the hot-air gun] Maybe they use battleships, Al.
Al: I know.
Tim: Huh? No rust. No paint.
Al: No chair.

Quote from Tim

Tim: All right. Bolts off?
Brad: Ugh, mine's rusted on.
Tim: All right, we need the pneumatic wrench. Or I'll get a hot-air gun.
Boys: Oh, no. No way! [all wheel out from under the hot rod]
Tim: Just making sure you guys still watch Tool Time.

Quote from Tim

Jill: Tim, do you have to groan every time Carrie's coming to town?
Tim: Yes. Because I know what will happen. She'll make some remarks. You'll think she's criticizing you. Then you'll get real upset and you'll end up criticizing me.
Jill: I don't need my sister to come to town to criticize you. Besides, I love Carrie. I'm just not gonna let her push my buttons.
Tim: Oh, I've heard this before. The same thing you said when your sister Robin came for Easter, when your parents came for Christmas and weird Aunt Betty came for Thanksgiving.
Jill: And your point would be what?
Tim: You have a problem with relatives or holidays.

Quote from Jill

Jill: Carrie and I are gonna be just fine. I haven't seen her in so long. I'm really looking forward to Saturday.
Tim: Saturday? Perfect. I won't be here all day. I'm helping Marty and Nancy move into their new house.
Jill: That's happening Saturday? You can't leave me with Carrie. She drives me crazy.

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