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‘The Feminine Mistake’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Home Improvement: The Feminine Mistake

623. The Feminine Mistake

Aired May 6, 1997

Jill is alarmed when Brad's girlfriend Angela starts cleaning and doing his chores for him. Meanwhile, Tim and Al present a 3-D edition of Tool Time.

Quote from Jill

Jill: Wow, Angela does good work!
Brad: Yeah. She does, doesn't she?
Jill: I want to talk about you two.
Brad: Mom, we've already had the sex talk.
Jill: This isn't the sex talk. This is the socks talk.

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Quote from Tim

Jill: Thanks to your honesty, we've now not only lost Brad, we might as well write off Mark and Randy as well.
Tim: We haven't lost anybody. Let me ask you a question. Bottom line, what do you think would happen if the boys turned out just like me?
Jill: It would be the strongest argument yet against cloning.
Tim: Hey, don't bring sheep into this.

Quote from Wilson

Wilson: So how does your garden grow?
Jill: Oh, it's a little heavy on the manure lately. Brad thinks it's OK to have Angela do his chores for him. Tim doesn't see anything wrong with that.
Wilson: Oh, men! No matter how much ground we feminists have gained, there is still so much work left to be done.
Jill: "We" feminists?
Wilson: Jill, I've always been a big proponent of the women's movement. You know, I spent most of the sixties with my face behind a protest sign.

Quote from Wilson

Jill: The thing that really upsets me is to see Brad not respecting women.
Wilson: Well, Jill, Brad is new in his relationships with the opposite sex. I'm sure he's just testing the water.
Jill: Angela's using it to wash his clothes.
Wilson: [chuckles] Well, I'm sure that's gonna change.
Jill: So you think there's hope?
Wilson: Oh, sure I do. The English novelist, Jilly Cooper, would agree with me. She said, "The male is a domestic animal which, when treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do anything."
Jill: Who trained you?
Wilson: The English novelist, Jilly Cooper. We had a brief fling during my semester at Oxford. You know, I never realized I was becoming enlightened until one day I found myself wearing her apron and frosting her cupcakes.

Quote from Tim

Tim: No, I'm talking about you and Angela. The way you snap your fingers, she just jumps into action.
Brad: Yeah. It's great, isn't it?
Tim: I don't know. Do you ever wonder why she does stuff like that?
Brad: She enjoys it.
Tim: I'm not so sure. Sometimes girls do that cause they're afraid if they don't do stuff like that, men won't like them.
Brad: Where'd you hear that?
Tim: I read it. You know that book that's holding up the workbench? It's called, The Feminine Mistake. It's written by Betsy Freeloader.

Quote from Al

Tim: It will be great. A visual feast. The audience will feel like they're right on the set with me.
Al: So they can feel the same terror I do.

Quote from Brad

Jill: Tell me something. Do you do anything for Angela?
Brad: I don't know. We don't keep score.
Jill: In other words, nothing? Look, honey, this sets a really bad precedent. It puts the female in a subservient position.
Brad: Mom, is this gonna be another one of your feminist lectures?
Jill: Brad, women have worked really hard to achieve equality.
Brad: I know. And the right to make their own choices.
Jill: Right. Exactly!
Brad: Yeah, well, Angela's choice is to do my laundry. And it's anti-feminist of you to judge her for that. You're destroying everything women have worked so hard to achieve.

Quote from Jill

Jill: How could you say that? [hits Tim with the trash bag] How could you say that men are beaten down by women? [hits him again]
Tim: Stop that, please, there are sharp chicken bones in there.
Jill: You promised you were going to set a good example for the boys.
Tim: Oh, come on. They saw right through me. They know me better than that.
Jill: Well, I guess they know you better than I do. I thought you were gonna back me up.
Tim: Well, if I have one flaw, it's that I'm honest.
Jill: If you have one flaw, I'm Cindy Crawford.

Quote from Tim

Al: I never liked 3-D, you know? When I was a kid, my favorite movie was The Sound of Music.
Tim: Now there's a movie that would've been better in 3-D. Can you imagine 50 nuns coming at you like ping-pong balls? Like a bad habit! [laughs]
Al: What place does 3-D have in a serious tool show?
Tim: None. That's why we're doing it on Tool Time.

Quote from Jill

Jill: OK, wait. Hold it! Hold it right there, both of you. I did not raise my sons to regard women as servants. I've taught you to be responsible and independent. Which means you do your own chores, you clean up your own messes. And under no circumstances do you ever treat the female sex as though they are housekeepers put here to wait on you hand and foot!
Tim: Honey, you want to pop that in the washer for me?
[After Tim throws his sweater towards Jill, she hurls it back at him]
Randy: I think I'll just pop on out of here.
Tim: I think maybe I'll pop on out of here.

Quote from Jill

Jill: Well, here I am in this whole house full of men. And I'm just disgusted with myself because I've had absolutely no impact on any of them. Do you remember that time that I gave Tim Betty Friedan's book? You know, The Feminine Mystique?
Wilson: Mmm-hmm. I take it he didn't like it?
Jill: He loved it. He used it to level the legs of his workbench.
Wilson: [sighs] Oh, sister, sister, sister.

Quote from Tim

Al: Hey, Tim. What's up?
Tim: Hey, daddy-o! You know, in 3-D, you got 16 chins.
Al: Oh, no. Don't tell me they bought your idea to do Tool Time in 3-D.
Tim: Not just Tool Time. For one night, every show on the station is gonna be 3-D, right? Knitting With Norm.
Al: No!
Tim: Cooking With Irma.
Al: Oh, that'll be a great ratings grabber. What, we have Irma's fish kabobs flying at the camera?
Tim: All right, so it sounds a little cheesy.
Al: Sounds cheesy?
Tim: All right, it is cheesy! That's what makes it fun. We'll follow in the footsteps of 3-D horror classics, Doctor Fong's House of Chain Gang Cheerleaders. [grunting] Oh, yeah. [Asian accent] Love Doctor Fong!

Quote from Tim

Jill: Tim... we have a terrible situation here.
Tim: What?
Jill: Brad is letting Angela do his laundry.
Tim: Oh, my God! Whites or colors?
Jill: Do you really not get what's wrong with this picture?
Tim: Same old story, isn't it? Boy meets girl, girl does boy's laundry, and I get yelled at.

Quote from Tim

Jill: So you agree that Brad shouldn't let Angela do his chores?
Tim: The truth, honey? I think you're making kind of a big deal out of this.
Jill: Learning to treat women as equals is a very big deal.
Tim: The kid's 16-years-old. He's got plenty of time to develop a mature relationship and learn how to play the game.
Jill: "The game."
Tim: I mean, Brad's going to figure out pretty soon that in order to make peace with women, you have to pitch in now and then.
Jill: "To make peace." So that's the only reason that you do anything around here?
Tim: And because I really like it.
Jill: You do not. You're just playing "the game." The important thing is that I help you out.
Jill: "Help me out?"
Tim: Yeah.
Jill: Do you have any idea how demeaning that sounds?
Tim: I used to be a lot better at playing this game.

Quote from Tim

Jill: You're implying that all the housework is... is my responsibility! Except, occasionally, when you grace me with your help!
Tim: I didn't say that. You may do more housework, but I do yard work to help you out. I work on the cars to help you out.
Jill: You work on the cars to help me out?
Tim: Yeah.
Jill: Well, thank you. Because, you know, my life is gonna be so much easier when the hot rod has six-to-one compression.
Tim: Actually, it'll have eight-to-one.

Quote from Tim

Jill: Look, Tim, if you don't set a good example for the boys, how are they gonna have healthy relationships with women?
Tim: 'Cause we have a healthy relationship.
Jill: Only if I "force" you to.
Tim: I can't help how I am. Men have a chromosome you women don't have. The "Y" chromosome. As in "Y" do I have to talk about the relationship?
Jill: And "Y" do I have to put up with this?
Tim: You know why? Because men are men. No matter how much you want to do it, you can't turn men into women, it can't be done. Well, it can be. But it's very expensive. And you still end up with an Adam's apple and big hands.

Quote from Tim

Tim: I am Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor. And you all know my assistant, Al Borland! [audience cheers, applauds]
Al: Thank you. We have a very special Tool Time for you... [shouting] presented in 3-D!
Tim: Just because it's in 3-D doesn't mean you have to yell at them, Al.
Al: [quietly] Sorry.
Tim: Al is actually a pro at this. You probably remember his old 3-D movies: Beard Man from Alcatraz, Creature from the Flannel Lagoon. In that movie, I cried until I stopped. And, who could forget, It Came from Baskin-Robbins.
Al: Remember, 3-D is just an illusion. In reality, Tim has no depth.

Quote from Tim

Al: All right, we've already miter-cut our legs, we're ready to bolt them together. Remember, the secret to a tight fit is good notches.
Tim: And for our Tool Time fans south of the border, that's "Buenas notches."

Quote from Wilson

Wilson: Well, neighborette, I have outdone myself. This year my tulips are more gorgeous than ever.
Jill: They are gorgeous. What's your secret?
Wilson: A very good florist.

Quote from Tim

Brad: So now you're a feminist, too?
Tim: I don't know what I am, but there's stuff in there about relationships that makes a lot sense. When the girl does all the work, it's not a good relationship.
Brad: You're just saying this because you ended up marrying somebody like Mom.
Tim: Excuse me?
Brad: Well, don't get me wrong. I love Mom.
Tim: I didn't "end up" with Mom. I love her. I love her because she's a strong woman.
Brad: You like that she gives you a hard time?
Tim: Yeah. That's what makes it exciting. I keep trying to think of new ways to slip stuff by her... and she's always coming up with new ways to nail me. We're equal partners.
Brad: And you think that's good?
Tim: Well, I don't know. It works for me. But maybe having Angela as your "sandwich girl" works for you. Her whole life is sandwiches. "Make me another sandwich. Sandwich, sandwich! Make another sandwich!"

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