Jill: Wow, Angela does good work!
Brad: Yeah. She does, doesn't she?
Jill: I want to talk about you two.
Brad: Mom, we've already had the sex talk.
Jill: This isn't the sex talk. This is the socks talk.

Jill: Thanks to your honesty, we've now not only lost Brad, we might as well write off Mark and Randy as well.
Tim: We haven't lost anybody. Let me ask you a question. Bottom line, what do you think would happen if the boys turned out just like me?
Jill: It would be the strongest argument yet against cloning.
Tim: Hey, don't bring sheep into this.

Wilson: So how does your garden grow?
Jill: Oh, it's a little heavy on the manure lately. Brad thinks it's OK to have Angela do his chores for him. Tim doesn't see anything wrong with that.
Wilson: Oh, men! No matter how much ground we feminists have gained, there is still so much work left to be done.
Jill: "We" feminists?
Wilson: Jill, I've always been a big proponent of the women's movement. You know, I spent most of the sixties with my face behind a protest sign.

Jill: The thing that really upsets me is to see Brad not respecting women.
Wilson: Well, Jill, Brad is new in his relationships with the opposite sex. I'm sure he's just testing the water.
Jill: Angela's using it to wash his clothes.
Wilson: [chuckles] Well, I'm sure that's gonna change.
Jill: So you think there's hope?
Wilson: Oh, sure I do. The English novelist, Jilly Cooper, would agree with me. She said, "The male is a domestic animal which, when treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do anything."
Jill: Who trained you?
Wilson: The English novelist, Jilly Cooper. We had a brief fling during my semester at Oxford. You know, I never realized I was becoming enlightened until one day I found myself wearing her apron and frosting her cupcakes.

Tim: No, I'm talking about you and Angela. The way you snap your fingers, she just jumps into action.
Brad: Yeah. It's great, isn't it?
Tim: I don't know. Do you ever wonder why she does stuff like that?
Brad: She enjoys it.
Tim: I'm not so sure. Sometimes girls do that cause they're afraid if they don't do stuff like that, men won't like them.
Brad: Where'd you hear that?
Tim: I read it. You know that book that's holding up the workbench? It's called, The Feminine Mistake. It's written by Betsy Freeloader.

Tim: It will be great. A visual feast. The audience will feel like they're right on the set with me.
Al: So they can feel the same terror I do.

Jill: Tell me something. Do you do anything for Angela?
Brad: I don't know. We don't keep score.
Jill: In other words, nothing? Look, honey, this sets a really bad precedent. It puts the female in a subservient position.
Brad: Mom, is this gonna be another one of your feminist lectures?
Jill: Brad, women have worked really hard to achieve equality.
Brad: I know. And the right to make their own choices.
Jill: Right. Exactly!
Brad: Yeah, well, Angela's choice is to do my laundry. And it's anti-feminist of you to judge her for that. You're destroying everything women have worked so hard to achieve.

Jill: How could you say that? [hits Tim with the trash bag] How could you say that men are beaten down by women? [hits him again]
Tim: Stop that, please, there are sharp chicken bones in there.
Jill: You promised you were going to set a good example for the boys.
Tim: Oh, come on. They saw right through me. They know me better than that.
Jill: Well, I guess they know you better than I do. I thought you were gonna back me up.
Tim: Well, if I have one flaw, it's that I'm honest.
Jill: If you have one flaw, I'm Cindy Crawford.

Al: I never liked 3-D, you know? When I was a kid, my favorite movie was The Sound of Music.
Tim: Now there's a movie that would've been better in 3-D. Can you imagine 50 nuns coming at you like ping-pong balls? Like a bad habit! [laughs]
Al: What place does 3-D have in a serious tool show?
Tim: None. That's why we're doing it on Tool Time.

Jill: OK, wait. Hold it! Hold it right there, both of you. I did not raise my sons to regard women as servants. I've taught you to be responsible and independent. Which means you do your own chores, you clean up your own messes. And under no circumstances do you ever treat the female sex as though they are housekeepers put here to wait on you hand and foot!
Tim: Honey, you want to pop that in the washer for me?
[After Tim throws his sweater towards Jill, she hurls it back at him]
Randy: I think I'll just pop on out of here.
Tim: I think maybe I'll pop on out of here.