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‘Nothing More Than Feelings’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Home Improvement: Nothing More Than Feelings

107. Nothing More Than Feelings

Aired November 5, 1991

After Jill forgets to put oil in the car, Tim lands himself in hot water when he rants about her on Tool Time.

Quote from Mark

Mark: Mommy, I'm worried.
Jill: About what, honey?
Mark: If you drool and sleep on your back, won't you drown?
Jill: No, honey. Thank you for your concern. Eat a carrot.

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Quote from Tim

Tim: How long has the oil light been on, Jill?
Jill: Oil light...
Tim: The oil light. Next to the speedometer. A little red light with an oil can on it.
Jill: Oh, that thing. I don't know, two or three days.
Tim: Two or three days? It's a warning light. Didn't it occur to you there might be a little problem?
Jill: I thought if there was a problem with the car. That the light would get brighter or there would be a buzzer.
Tim: A buzzer?! It's a car, not a game show.

Quote from Tim

Jill: Tim, the car is running fine.
Tim: It used to be running fine. Inside of a car is an internal combustion engine. Composed of many precision parts running at a high RPM. High RPM produces friction. Friction produces heat. Heat is dissipated by lubrication - oil. When the car didn't get the oil that it needs, it tends to seize up into a rock.
Jill: Are you saying the car's not running?
Tim: We now own a 4,000 pound, four-door boulder.
Jill: You mean I can't drive it?
Tim: Not unless you're Wilma Flintstone.

Quote from Jill

Randy: Do you think I have girls' hands?
Jill: What?
Randy: Jason Loomis says I have hands like his sister, only smaller.
Jill: That is ridiculous. Look at these hands. They're strong, well-defined. With these hands, you could be a painter or a surgeon. A concert pianist... [Randy shakes his head] A football player, karate champ, lumberjack, test pilot, construction worker...
Randy: Thanks, Mom.

Quote from Tim

Jim: I do a lot of carving and I just bought myself a serious set of chisels.
Tim: Probably like the Binford 600 series. You used them last week, Al. [Al is silent]
Jim: Anyway, uh... The other day, I come home and there's my wife out in the garage...
Tim: Where she doesn't belong.
Jim: And she's... She's prying the lid off a gallon can of paint with my three-eighths-inch skew chisel.
Tim: Oh, jeez. And they wonder why we die first.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Wait a minute. I topped you both. My wife drools in her sleep.
Jim: Disgusting.
Tim: And I'm not talking about a little puddle. I'm talking about, "Hook up the hose. Let's water the lawn." No, no, no. "Man the lifeboats, she's drooling. Get in. [sings] She's drooling, drooling Drooling down the river Drooling, drooling. Drooling down the river..."
Al: Tim.
Tim: What is it, Al? Come on, join in.
Al: We only have a few minutes left, Tim.
Tim: Al, we're having an important discussion here.
Al: About drool, Tim?

Quote from Wilson

Tim: I was talking with the other guys and we were sharing silly stories about our wives. And I had a great one about Jill and it just came out.
Wilson: Well, Tim, it sounds to me like you're a victim of the hierarchical structure of male conversation.
Tim: Hi, har, harical... How do you spell that?
Wilson: Let's just say one-upmanship. See, Tim, men's relationships are based on status and power. [Tim grunts] Men feel compelled to outdo each other. If one man tells a story about his wife, the next man feels he's got to tell an even better story.
Tim: That was exactly what happened. I got caught up in that h-hi-hiarchal thing.
Wilson: Happens all the time, Tim.
Tim: Well, I don't want it to happen. How do you make it stop?
Wilson: Well, Tim, men have to learn to compete less and listen more. We have to learn to start sharing our feelings.

Quote from Al

Tim: Hey, that's a nice-looking shirt. Is it brand-new? [title: "Sorry I made you cry"]
Al: No, it's an old one. [title: "Tim must be feeling guilty"]
Tim: Well, it looks really good on you. [title: "I apologize"]
Al: Thanks. [title: "Thanks"]
Tim: Hey, maybe some girl will see you in that shirt and want to marry you. [title: "Fat chance"]
Al: Thanks, Tim. I appreciate that. [title: "I can't wait until I get my own show"]

Quote from Tim

Jim: Nice to meet ya. Love your show.
Tim: Thanks. What's your name?
Jim: Jim. Uh, my friends call me Jimbo.
Tim: I'm... I'm Tim. You can call me Timbo.

Quote from Tim

Al: OK, Tim. I've cut the molding to the proper length. And by using our miter box here...
Tim: It's no good.
Al: It's a very good cut, Tim.
Tim: Not talking about the cut or the miter. It's... Something's bugging me, man. I gotta get it off my chest. We don't normally do this. But I wanna talk to y'all about respect. Respect for the machines that power our lives. Yeah. I know this guy that found out his wife's been driving the car for three days with the oil light on. No respect - none. My wife, she... Not, not my wife. This guy's wife didn't even think about that engine.

Quote from Tim

Kyle: Can I say something, Tim?
Tim: Shop floor's open, buddy.
Kyle: Pardon me.
Tim: Oh, heck, we hooked a big one.
Kyle: Excuse me.
Tim: Hey.
Kyle: Name's Kyle.
Tim: Hi, Kyle. Timbo, Jimbo.

Quote from Tim

Tim: What's on your mind?
Kyle: Well, Tim, I enjoy gardening. I like to grow my own vegetables.
Tim: Well... Can't be all vegetables, man. Looks like you've socked a couple dozen donuts away or something.
Kyle: You know it, Tim. Love my donuts. Anyway, my wife uses my good gardening tools and she leaves them in the yard. Tim, every tool I own has suffered some degree of rust damage.
Tim: Oh. If your wife was here right now, what would you say to her?
Kyle: I don't know. I'd probably say... [points up] "Ginger, when you don't respect my tools, you don't respect me." "So, stop it." [shields his face]

Quote from Tim

Tim: I know what you're gonna say. I've already decided I'm not gonna say another word about the oil light. You made a mistake, anybody can make a mistake and I forgive you.
Jill: [sings] She's drooling, she's drooling. She's drooling down the river.
Tim: You saw the show, huh?
Jill: Tim, how could you do that?
Tim: You and I joke about it all the time. We laugh about your...
Jill: No, you and I joke about it all the time in the privacy of our bedroom, not on television. What, you have rocks in your head? Don't you think?
Tim: Let's talk about who didn't think for a minute. Who drove around for two days with the oil light on?
Jill: Wait. I thought you said you weren't going to bring up the oil light?
Tim: With all those rocks in my head, sometimes I don't know what I'm saying.

Quote from Jill

Jill: Look, my mistake involved a car. Your mistake involved a human being. Me. There's a big difference here. Of course I don't expect you to understand that, since you're completely insensitive.
Tim: Insensitive?
Jill: You didn't even think about how I would feel.
Tim: Why... I didn't tell them everything.
Jill: Everything?
Tim: You know when you roll on your side, you gurgle?
Jill: What, are you saving that for the Christmas special? [As Jill slams the garage door, Tim's tools fall off the rack]

Quote from Brad

Brad: It's all over school about what Jason Loomis said about your girl hands.
Randy: Oh, no.
Brad: But I stood up for you.
Jill: Good for you, Brad.
Brad: And I got you a little something to make you feel better.
Randy: What is it?
Brad: Passion Pink fingernail polish. [laughs]

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