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‘Nothing More Than Feelings’ Quotes Page 1 of 3    

Home Improvement: Nothing More Than Feelings

107. Nothing More Than Feelings

Aired November 5, 1991

After Jill forgets to put oil in the car, Tim lands himself in hot water when he rants about her on Tool Time.

Quote from Mark

Mark: Mommy, I'm worried.
Jill: About what, honey?
Mark: If you drool and sleep on your back, won't you drown?
Jill: No, honey. Thank you for your concern. Eat a carrot.

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Quote from Tim

Tim: How long has the oil light been on, Jill?
Jill: Oil light...
Tim: The oil light. Next to the speedometer. A little red light with an oil can on it.
Jill: Oh, that thing. I don't know, two or three days.
Tim: Two or three days? It's a warning light. Didn't it occur to you there might be a little problem?
Jill: I thought if there was a problem with the car, that the light would get brighter or there would be a buzzer.
Tim: A buzzer?! It's a car, not a game show.

Quote from Tim

Jill: Tim, the car is running fine.
Tim: It used to be running fine. Inside of a car is an internal combustion engine. Composed of many precision parts running at a high RPM. High RPM produces friction. Friction produces heat. Heat is dissipated by lubrication - oil. When the car didn't get the oil that it needs, it tends to seize up into a rock.
Jill: Are you saying the car's not running?
Tim: We now own a 4,000 pound, four-door boulder.
Jill: You mean I can't drive it?
Tim: Not unless you're Wilma Flintstone.

Quote from Jill

Randy: Do you think I have girls' hands?
Jill: What?
Randy: Jason Loomis says I have hands like his sister, only smaller.
Jill: That is ridiculous. Look at these hands. They're strong, well-defined. With these hands, you could be a painter or a surgeon. A concert pianist... [Randy shakes his head] A football player, karate champ, lumberjack, test pilot, construction worker...
Randy: Thanks, Mom.

Quote from Tim

Jim: I do a lot of carving and I just bought myself a serious set of chisels.
Tim: Probably like the Binford 600 series. You used them last week, Al. [Al is silent]
Jim: Anyway, uh... The other day, I come home and there's my wife out in the garage...
Tim: Where she doesn't belong.
Jim: And she's... She's prying the lid off a gallon can of paint with my three-eighths-inch skew chisel.
Tim: Oh, jeez. And they wonder why we die first.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Wait a minute. I topped you both. My wife drools in her sleep.
Jim: Disgusting.
Tim: And I'm not talking about a little puddle. I'm talking about, "Hook up the hose. Let's water the lawn." No, no, no. "Man the lifeboats, she's drooling. Get in. [sings] She's drooling, drooling Drooling down the river Drooling, drooling. Drooling down the river..."
Al: Tim.
Tim: What is it, Al? Come on, join in.
Al: We only have a few minutes left, Tim.
Tim: Al, we're having an important discussion here.
Al: About drool, Tim?

Quote from Wilson

Tim: I was talking with the other guys and we were sharing silly stories about our wives. And I had a great one about Jill and it just came out.
Wilson: Well, Tim, it sounds to me like you're a victim of the hierarchical structure of male conversation.
Tim: Hi, har, harical... How do you spell that?
Wilson: Let's just say one-upmanship. See, Tim, men's relationships are based on status and power. [Tim grunts] Men feel compelled to outdo each other. If one man tells a story about his wife, the next man feels he's got to tell an even better story.
Tim: That was exactly what happened. I got caught up in that h-hi-hiarchal thing.
Wilson: Happens all the time, Tim.
Tim: Well, I don't want it to happen. How do you make it stop?
Wilson: Well, Tim, men have to learn to compete less and listen more. We have to learn to start sharing our feelings.

Quote from Al

Tim: Hey, that's a nice-looking shirt. Is it brand-new? [title: "Sorry I made you cry"]
Al: No, it's an old one. [title: "Tim must be feeling guilty"]
Tim: Well, it looks really good on you. [title: "I apologize"]
Al: Thanks. [title: "Thanks"]
Tim: Hey, maybe some girl will see you in that shirt and want to marry you. [title: "Fat chance"]
Al: Thanks, Tim. I appreciate that. [title: "I can't wait until I get my own show"]

Quote from Tim

Jim: Nice to meet ya. Love your show.
Tim: Thanks. What's your name?
Jim: Jim. Uh, my friends call me Jimbo.
Tim: I'm... I'm Tim. You can call me Timbo.

Quote from Tim

Al: OK, Tim. I've cut the molding to the proper length. And by using our miter box here...
Tim: It's no good.
Al: It's a very good cut, Tim.
Tim: Not talking about the cut or the miter. It's... Something's bugging me, man. I gotta get it off my chest. We don't normally do this. But I wanna talk to y'all about respect. Respect for the machines that power our lives. Yeah. I know this guy that found out his wife's been driving the car for three days with the oil light on. No respect - none. My wife, she... Not, not my wife. This guy's wife didn't even think about that engine.

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