Tim: There's something very weird going on here. You spend your whole life raising kids. Just when they get to the age where they're kind of cool to hang around, they ditch you.
Jill: Which is what we want.
Tim: [inquisitive grunt]
Jill: Well, we want them to be more independent. I mean, you're the one who said that it was natural for them to pull away from us.
Tim: No, no, no, no. What I said was it's natural for them to pull away from you.
Jill: Now, we just gotta hope that they come back.
Tim: They'll come back... for money.

Wilson: Oh, Jill, while you're at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, make sure and look at the exhibit on my old friends The Beatles.
Jill: No. Like you really knew the Beatles?
Wilson: Mm-hmm.
Tim: Big deal. I knew Black & Decker.
Jill: Was Paul really that cute in person?
Wilson: Cuter.
Tim: You want to know cute? I'll introduce you to Sherwin Williams.

Jill: What's that?
Tim: Toilet brush.
Jill: No, that.
Tim: Oh. Sample pool skimmer.
Jill: We don't have a pool to skim.
Tim: I'm hoping it will work on your gravy.

Al: Tim! Guess what? The forklifts are right next to the plate glass window display. Just think of the possibilities there.
Tim: You guys do this segment if you want, I got a little errand to do. I'll be back in a little bit.
Heidi: Well, Al, feel like breaking some glass?
Al: [sighs] It's just not the same without Tim.

Tim: It seems like just yesterday that all they wanted to do was be around us.
Jill: It's going way too fast. You know, every year... l fill the attic with boxes of clothes they've outgrown that I just... can't bear to give away. It just breaks my heart.
Tim: Remember that cowboy outfit of Mark's?
Jill: Yeah. I used to have to sneak into his room at night and pry it off him so I could wash it. Do you remember those little racecar jammies of Randy's?
Tim: Remember? I looked for one in my size.
Jill: I recently found Brad's Cub Scout uniform up there. Did you know he got more merit badges than any of the other kids?
Tim: Sure he did. It didn't hurt that I was his pack leader.
Jill: You were great. On those camping trips, that was one place your fire-starting skills came in handy.

Jill: I just don't want this to be like my relationship with my parents, you know? Because I've worked so hard to be close to them.
Tim: Oh, cut it out. You're closer than any mom I know to your sons. They talk to you. Randy even talks about his girl problems with you, honey.
Jill: Yeah, he does. He does that. Brad even asks for my advice on clothes.
Tim: Mark hugs you.
Jill: Yeah. Aw, I guess they still like me some.
Tim: Oh, sure they do. You know, there's a... there's a benefit to them not being around all the time.
Jill: What?
Tim: I'll lock the door. You bring my nuts.

Wilson: Oh. Well, I remember spending quality time with my mother. We would bake cookies, and then we would astral project ourselves to an alternate universe.
Jill: Well, we're just driving to Cleveland.
Wilson: Also fun.

Tim: Hey, guys, I just put octane boost in the Nomad. Which means the car might arrive in Cleveland before we do.
Wilson: You know, Tim, I've got that extra suitcase you wanted for the show.
Tim: Outstanding.
Jill: Tim, that is six suitcases you're taking. Do you really need to bring home every single sample from the hardware show? [off Tim's look] Of course you do.

Jill: Well, boys, here we are in Cleveland. What do you want to do first?
Brad: I gotta go pee.
Mark: Me, too!
Jill: Tim, I know you were excited, but we could've made one rest stop.
Tim: You know the rule, don't you? No rest stops unless we change time zones.
Jill: Ten minutes more into this trip, we would've been changing more than time zones.

Jill: Come on, guys, I've got so many fun things planned for today. We've got the zoo, and Jacobs Field, and the Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame, and... [one of the boys throws a pillow at Jill from the bedroom] And as punishment for that, The Doll House and Thimble Museum.
Mark: [o.s.] Mom, it's Saturday. We want to sleep.
Jill: OK, look, ten more minutes and then I'm coming in with this bucket of ice.
Randy: [o.s.] Could you bring a couple sodas with that?
[Jill throws the pillow back at them]