Wilson: Well, maybe you can remind Brad of the famous Hindustan proverb: "True nobility lies not in being superior to another man, but in being superior to one's previous self."
Tim: Ooh, yeah!
Jill: That is so perfect.
Tim: Like it. Where do you keep coming up with these things?
Wilson: Oh, neighbor, neighbor. I've spent my entire life studying the wisdom of intelligent thinkers and philosophers. However, this one I read in a fortune cookie.

Tim: Welcome, ladies and gentleman, to the Binford 6100 man's bedroom. [fanfare] Yeah, this is no babe's boudoir.
Al: No honey's hideaway.
Tim: No wench's way station. Men, you've had lace in your face for far too long. Now it's time to come home... [knocks] to chrome.
Al: That's why we built the Man's Bedroom. So he feels as comfortable here as he does in his neighborhood bar.
Tim: As a matter of fact, in the Man's Bedroom, we have the neighborhood bar. Well, Milton, how's business?
Milton: Slow. What will it be?
Tim: Oh, a perfect Manhattan for me and a Shirley Temple for Al.

Tim: While Milton's mixing up my highball, let's look at the carpet.
Al: Marv, if you wanna come in here, we have 100% astroturf. It's good for Saturday golf and Monday Night Football. Milton, I'm open!
Tim: Ooh. [catches football] Ha-ha. Looks like it's gonna be my day. [scoreboard: "Tim 97 Al 0"] All right, let's take a look at the nightstands. On my side... a mesquite barbecue grill. On your side...
Al: You have a phone, place for your beer and a virtual reality system.
Tim: This way, when your wife's reading about Fabio, you could be racing Indy with Mario. In this case, guys, a fast finishing bed is not a bad thing. And if you do make your wife happy, she's got the little red button. Press this. [cheers and applause] Thank you, honey. I do what I can.

Jill: Tim, I just got a call from the school about Brad.
Tim: Another A?
Jill: No. They said he flunked his last two tests and he hasn't been turning in his homework.
Tim: What's that about? He's been doing so well.
Jill: Well, you know what's going on, don't you?
Tim: Well, it doesn't take a genius to figure it out, no. He can't concentrate 'cause all the other kids are asking him about the Man's Bedroom. [Jill and Wilson stare blankly at Tim] Well, what's your theory?

Brad: He finishes his homework before I can put my name on mine.
Jill: This is not about who finishes first. It's about getting the work done and absorbing what you've learned.
Brad: Yeah? Well, he's better at that, too. Everything comes easier to him.
Jill: Honey, you shouldn't compare yourself to Randy or anybody else.
Tim: That's right. Um... This famous man Hindu Stan... He never compared himself to his brother Hindu Bob.
Jill: Hindu Bob?

Randy: He's also my guidance counselor. He says I've been goofing off in class.
Jill: Randy, this isn't like you at all. What's going on?
Randy: Nothing.
Brad: Bad answer. I would have gone with, "It wasn't my fault. It was the kid next to me."
Tim: That never worked for me. I was the kid next to me.

Jill: You're getting detention in high school now?
Randy: It wasn't my fault.
Tim: Well, who's fault was it?
Randy: Look, I was trying to concentrate on my work, and all these kids kept on bugging me about the Man's Bedroom.
Tim: Really?
Randy: In your dreams, Pop.

Al: Today we show you how to build a man's bed.
Tim: We'll be using materials that make a man feel all warm and toasty inside. Cold, hard steel.
Al: That's right. We'll be cutting that steel with the Binford 6100 chop saw.
Tim: She's a beauty, isn't she? 14-inch cut-off blade. Now, make sure your steel is fastened securely. Use a smooth pull, makes for a smooth cut. Now, this is the steel for our headboard and frame.
Al: And this is the backup steel for when Tim screws up.

Tim: Now, we finished our frame and we're gonna attach it to the headboard.
Al: And to form our design, we'll be using the Binford 6100 bender.
Tim: Al, do you suppose you call this a bender because it's been partying all weekend? Party! Ow! Ow!
Al: I don't think so, Tim. The bender allows us to form our headboard into any manly pattern that we choose.
Tim: A moose, a beer mug, jockstrap. A moose holding a beer mug, wearing a jockstrap.
Al: We've chosen...
Tim: Doesn't matter what we've chosen. Let's face it, men - no matter what design we put on the bed, once your wife gets a hold of it, it will look like this... Men, it's time we fight back. We've got to de-frill, de-lace, de-froufrou de bedroom.
Al: That's why, next time on Tool Time, we'll show you how a man designs his sleeping quarters and why it's called...
Both: The master bedroom.

Jill: Hi, sweetie. How was your day?
Brad: Unbelievably excellent.
Tim: You were welding?
Brad: No. I got an A on my English test.
Tim: All right!
Jill: That's great! I told you, you could do it.
Tim: I'm real proud of you. See, all your hard work pays off. This is the second A. This is really good news.
Brad: Yeah, last year the only A I got stood for "absent."