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‘Workin' Man Blues’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Home Improvement: Workin' Man Blues

611. Workin' Man Blues

Aired December 10, 1996

Brad is so excited by his first job that he neglects his school work, his relationship with Angela, and his work on the hot rod.

Quote from Wilson

Wilson: So, what brings you to this indoor amalgam of vendors, colloquially known as "the mall?"
Brad: I'm just killing time before my job interview at the Wiener Barn. What are you doing?
Wilson: Well, Brad, I'm on a quest for a new hobby. I've narrowed it down to either channeling Aztec spirits... ...or rollerblading. Brad, do you know anything about these skates?
Brad: Sure do. These softer ones are for indoor. These harder, faster ones are for outdoor. The bearings are rated by ABEC numbers that go from one to 12. Most use three.
Wilson: Well, I don't know, Brad. Maybe channeling Aztec spirits is a lot safer.
Brad: Aren't the Aztecs the ones that cut the hearts out of people that were still alive?
Wilson: [gulps] I'm gonna go for those Turbo Roller 2000s.

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Quote from Heidi

Tim: Well, that finishes our segment on home safety. I hope you learned something.
Al: I know I have. Next time, we'll use a fireproof sign.
Heidi: I'll call our insurance adjuster.
Tim: It's on the speed dial, number eight.
Heidi: Oh, really?

Quote from Brad

Brad: Coffee, anyone?
Mark: We don't drink coffee. We're kids.
Randy: And the word on the street is, so are you.
Brad: [adds heaps of sugar] Hey, as of today, I'm a working man. And a working man needs his morning coffee. [drinks]
Randy: A little more sugar, and the working man can fly to work.
Brad: Pass me the business section.
Tim: Well, there's the working stiff. You guys having a good day? Thanks for the coffee, buddy. [drinks] I'm not sure you put enough coffee in the sugar, did you?

Quote from Brad

Brad: Well, I'm out of here.
Tim: When you get home tonight, we're gonna block-sand some of the panels on the hot rod.
Brad: You got it.
Tim: Good luck, kid.
Brad: I'm not a kid anymore. I'm a working man. So long, boys. [exits and then returns] Dad, could I get some lunch money?

Quote from Tim

Jill: Hi. Where'd you go for lunch?
Tim: [groans]
Jill: Polish food.
Tim: [groans]
Jill: Polish food from Stan's in Hamtramck.
Tim: [belches, groans]

Quote from Brad

[Brad keeps reading his brochure as the phone rings]
Tim: Why don't I get that? [answers phone] Hello? Hello, Angela. You want to talk to Brad, huh? Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Brad: [takes the phone] Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh... Listen, Angela. I know I said I'd be free. But, uh, Rob asked me to do inventory tonight. I don't know. Maybe next weekend. Yeah. All right. Talk to you tomorrow. Bye. [hangs up]
Tim: Let me get this straight. Rather than going out with a beautiful girl, you would rather count shoes.
Brad: It's a chance to really bump up my paycheck. So, Dad, ballpark: How much are you pulling down?
Tim: That's a good question. And if you ever ask me again, you are out of the ballpark!

Quote from Al

Tim: Well, it's time to dip into the old mail bag, Al.
Al: That's right. And our first letter is from "Perplexed in Petoskey."
Tim: Ah, Petoskey. They have that beautiful tire parade and pickle festival. Gherkins and whitewalls. Love that.
Al: OK. "I tried to install some dowels in an oak shelf unit. They expanded and wouldn't fit in the holes. What can I do?"
Tim: Well, most people don't know this, but you can shrink an oak dowel if you put it in the microwave for two minutes.
Al: That's true. And then just sprinkle a little cheddar on top, you'll have a nice oak-aroni and cheese. [snorts]
Tim: You want to keep a lookout for Al's new book, Cooking with Lumber.

Quote from Tim

Al: OK. Uh, this is from "Flummoxed in Fenwick."
Tim: Fenwick. That's a great place. They have the National Earmuff Museum. It's open late July through early August because otherwise they're wearing them.
Al: "I'm getting my driver's license this year. I know a lot about cars. But I'd like to learn even more. I think if my parents bought me my own car, it would be a great educational experience. What do you think?"
Tim: Well, I think, uh, cars are expensive, especially for a teenager. So, I'd have to say...
Brad: [watching at home] Yes! Yes!
Tim: [to camera] ...Brad, if you want a car, you get a job. All right, pal?

Quote from Randy

Brad: I might not have much experience, sir, but I'm a fast learner. And if you hire me, I know you won't regret it.
Randy: Sorry, kid. You're not what we're looking for.
Brad: [sighs] What was wrong this time?
Randy: You just don't have the sophistication to work at the Wiener Barn.

Quote from Tim

Jill: Wow! His boss is taking him out to lunch. This job is really working out.
Tim: Maybe it's just me, but I think he's picking up a lot of bad habits down there. You noticed what he does first thing in the morning?
Jill: Couldn't be any worse than what you do.
Tim: He's reading the financial section.
Jill: What's wrong with that?
Tim: You don't do that. You read the sports section first. Then the comics. And then whatever that first section's called.
Jill: The news.

Quote from Tim

Jill: Listen, this is all new and exciting to him now, but once he gets used to it, he'll calm down and then it'll be part of his routine.
Tim: Yeah. Kind of like marriage, huh? When you first get married, it's really exciting. Then it, you know... You know, it turns... It's not, you know, it's not... Well, it's not like that at all. It's more... It's not a job. It's more of an adventure.

Quote from Tim

Brad: [answers phone] Uh, Sports Universe. This is Brad.
Tim: Uh, you're busted. It's Dad.
Jill: [on the cordless phone] What are you doing there? You're supposed to be taking your PSATs!
Brad: Holly was supposed to take over for me at noon. But she had to go to the doctor because she had a tongue rash.
Tim: We told you you could take this job as long as it didn't interfere with your school work. You remember that?
Brad: Look, I can take the PSATs another day. Besides, Rob never even went to college and he's doing pretty well. I'm with a customer. I'll talk to you later. [hangs up]
Tim: [still on the phone] No, you'll.. He'll talk to us later.
Jill: Well, you're right. Rob is definitely a bad influence.
Tim: I told you he was gonna be trouble.
Jill: Well, what are we gonna do?
Tim: Well, since we're in the same house, I think the first step would be to stop talking on the phones.

Quote from Tim

Rob: Yeah, I'm doing pretty well now, but Brad doesn't know about the crummy jobs I had before I got here.
Tim: Well, maybe it'd be a good idea if you told him.
Rob: You know, I spent two years cleaning bathrooms at Stan's Polish Restaurant in Hamtramck? You wouldn't believe what goes on in there.
Tim: Yeah, I would.

Quote from Tim

Tim: I'm pretty damn proud of my education. Not that I flaunt it. I mean, there's a lot of people I've got convinced I have no education at all.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Working on that job interview? How's it going?
Brad: Ah, it's going all right. I mean, it's just a part-time job selling wieners.
Tim: Wait a minute. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You back that wiener wagon right back up. There's no such thing as "just a job." Someone's paying you for something, you take it seriously, you understand?
Randy: Dad, he'd be in charge of relish.
Tim: Here's a tip. Compliment them on their sauerkraut. You know, tell them it's right up there with the kraut burrito at Casa de Bratwurst.
Brad: Won't he see right through me if I kiss up?
Tim: [scoffs] Excuse me. The guy's the manager of a Wiener Barn. How sharp can the guy be?

Quote from Brad

Brad: Can you help me?
Holly: Can anybody really help anybody? We're all alone. And then we die. It's time for my break.
Rob: That's unbelievable. I've taken one ten-minute break in my life. The doctor put that plaster cast on me and I was back at work before the plaster dried.
Brad: Just like my dad.
Rob: I'm Rob. I own the place.
Brad: Brad. Nice to meet you.
Rob: What can I do for you, Brad?
Brad: Well, I'm a little early for my job interview across the mall, I thought I'd check out your snowboards.
Rob: Snowboarding. That's how I ended up in my second body cast. But hey, on the up side, I ended up selling the entire surgical team a fleet of kayaks. Excuse me, Brad. There's a beautiful woman there looking at a $1,500 bicycle. I love this job.

Quote from Brad

Rob: So you're also an expert on rollerblading.
Brad: Well, I wouldn't say I'm an expert.
Rob: You're doing a good job driving customers out of my store.
Brad: I'm sorry. That was my neighbor Wilson.
Rob: Brad, do you know what I do to people who do what you just did?
Brad: Cut out their hearts?

Quote from Brad

Brad: Well, it sounds a lot better than steaming wieners.
Rob: What do you say we go talk salary over at Java Joe's? You a coffee lover, Brad?
Brad: Yeah, and one day, I hope to be a coffee drinker.

Quote from Brad

Man: Hi. I'm looking for some new golf clubs.
Holly: [scoffs] Golf? Now there's a total waste of time. What, do you wear those silly clothes too? [laughs]
Brad: Actually, sir, our golf section's right over there. Our best clubs are probably our graphite. But if you want something a little less expensive, try steel. Go ahead, see what feels comfortable. I'll be back.
Rob: Nice work, Brad. I'm gonna help the golf guy. You haven't taken a break.
Brad: Hey, I don't need a break. I'm trying to make a sale. You know, it's kind of what I'm going for here.
Rob: You're doing a great job. You've made more sales in one day than Holly's made in... Actually, Holly's never made a sale.
Brad: Well, if you don't mind me asking, why did you hire her?
Rob: I've got a good heart. And she's my sister.
Brad: Well, maybe one day she'll finally wake up and take her job seriously, huh?
Holly: I need a two-hour lunch. I'm getting my tongue pierced.
Brad: Doesn't that hurt?
Holly: Yeah.

Quote from Brad

Tim: Hey, Brad. How was the first day at the new job?
Brad: Unbelievable! Rob said I took in the highest first-day gross of any salesman still living with his parents.

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