Wilson: So, what brings you to this indoor amalgam of vendors, colloquially known as "the mall?"
Brad: I'm just killing time before my job interview at the Wiener Barn. What are you doing?
Wilson: Well, Brad, I'm on a quest for a new hobby. I've narrowed it down to either channeling Aztec spirits... ...or rollerblading. Brad, do you know anything about these skates?
Brad: Sure do. These softer ones are for indoor. These harder, faster ones are for outdoor. The bearings are rated by ABEC numbers that go from one to 12. Most use three.
Wilson: Well, I don't know, Brad. Maybe channeling Aztec spirits is a lot safer.
Brad: Aren't the Aztecs the ones that cut the hearts out of people that were still alive?
Wilson: [gulps] I'm gonna go for those Turbo Roller 2000s.

Tim: Well, that finishes our segment on home safety. I hope you learned something.
Al: I know I have. Next time, we'll use a fireproof sign.
Heidi: I'll call our insurance adjuster.
Tim: It's on the speed dial, number eight.
Heidi: Oh, really?

Brad: Coffee, anyone?
Mark: We don't drink coffee. We're kids.
Randy: And the word on the street is, so are you.
Brad: [adds heaps of sugar] Hey, as of today, I'm a working man. And a working man needs his morning coffee. [drinks]
Randy: A little more sugar, and the working man can fly to work.
Brad: Pass me the business section.
Tim: Well, there's the working stiff. You guys having a good day? Thanks for the coffee, buddy. [drinks] I'm not sure you put enough coffee in the sugar, did you?

Brad: Well, I'm out of here.
Tim: When you get home tonight, we're gonna block-sand some of the panels on the hot rod.
Brad: You got it.
Tim: Good luck, kid.
Brad: I'm not a kid anymore. I'm a working man. So long, boys. [exits and then returns] Dad, could I get some lunch money?

Jill: Hi. Where'd you go for lunch?
Tim: [groans]
Jill: Polish food.
Tim: [groans]
Jill: Polish food from Stan's in Hamtramck.
Tim: [belches, groans]

[Brad keeps reading his brochure as the phone rings]
Tim: Why don't I get that? [answers phone] Hello? Hello, Angela. You want to talk to Brad, huh? Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Brad: [takes the phone] Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh... Listen, Angela. I know I said I'd be free. But, uh, Rob asked me to do inventory tonight. I don't know. Maybe next weekend. Yeah. All right. Talk to you tomorrow. Bye. [hangs up]
Tim: Let me get this straight. Rather than going out with a beautiful girl, you would rather count shoes.
Brad: It's a chance to really bump up my paycheck. So, Dad, ballpark: How much are you pulling down?
Tim: That's a good question. And if you ever ask me again, you are out of the ballpark!

Tim: Well, it's time to dip into the old mail bag, Al.
Al: That's right. And our first letter is from "Perplexed in Petoskey."
Tim: Ah, Petoskey. They have that beautiful tire parade and pickle festival. Gherkins and whitewalls. Love that.
Al: OK. "I tried to install some dowels in an oak shelf unit. They expanded and wouldn't fit in the holes. What can I do?"
Tim: Well, most people don't know this, but you can shrink an oak dowel if you put it in the microwave for two minutes.
Al: That's true. And then just sprinkle a little cheddar on top, you'll have a nice oak-aroni and cheese. [snorts]
Tim: You want to keep a lookout for Al's new book, Cooking with Lumber.

Al: OK. Uh, this is from "Flummoxed in Fenwick."
Tim: Fenwick. That's a great place. They have the National Earmuff Museum. It's open late July through early August because otherwise they're wearing them.
Al: "I'm getting my driver's license this year. I know a lot about cars. But I'd like to learn even more. I think if my parents bought me my own car, it would be a great educational experience. What do you think?"
Tim: Well, I think, uh, cars are expensive, especially for a teenager. So, I'd have to say...
Brad: [watching at home] Yes! Yes!
Tim: [to camera] ...Brad, if you want a car, you get a job. All right, pal?

Brad: I might not have much experience, sir, but I'm a fast learner. And if you hire me, I know you won't regret it.
Randy: Sorry, kid. You're not what we're looking for.
Brad: [sighs] What was wrong this time?
Randy: You just don't have the sophistication to work at the Wiener Barn.

Jill: Wow! His boss is taking him out to lunch. This job is really working out.
Tim: Maybe it's just me, but I think he's picking up a lot of bad habits down there. You noticed what he does first thing in the morning?
Jill: Couldn't be any worse than what you do.
Tim: He's reading the financial section.
Jill: What's wrong with that?
Tim: You don't do that. You read the sports section first. Then the comics. And then whatever that first section's called.
Jill: The news.