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‘Luck Be a Taylor Tonight’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Home Improvement: Luck Be a Taylor Tonight

122. Luck Be a Taylor Tonight

Aired April 7, 1992

Tim's poker night with the guys doesn't go to plan when Jill's sister, Robin (Amy Ryan), gets into an argument with her new husband Charlie (Tom Verica).

Quote from Jill

Jill: Robbie, can I give you just a little piece of advice?
Robin: No.
Jill: Well, you're gonna hear it anyway. Marriage is about one thing - compromise. And guess who gets to do most of that?
Both: We do.
Jill: It's 70-30. Unless you count childbirth, and then it's 97-3.

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Quote from Jill

Jill: Now, listen, you need to learn to let some things go, because you know you make everything such a big deal. Just eliminate the things that drive you the craziest.
Robin: Well, that would be Charlie. He is such a slob, Jill. He leaves his clothes on the floor, his wet towels on the bed. I wish he was more like Tim.
Jill: Hah!
Robin: At least Tim helps you out around the house.
Jill: Well, of course he does. I trained him. Without me he'd still be in the backyard eating out of a trough.
Robin: How did you train him?
Jill: Well, first I got rid of the trough.

Quote from Wilson

Tim: How do women and men even stay together?
Wilson: It has to do with barbed wire, Tim.
Tim: [inquisitive grunt]
Wilson: As a boy I used to spend summers at my Uncle Leonard's farm and at the edge of his property he had a huge oak tree. Running through the middle of that tree was an old barbed-wire fence.
Tim: It went right through the tree?
Wilson: Right through the middle of the tree. When a tree is planted close to a fence it has nowhere to grow. As it expands and grows bigger it extends over the fence and slowly envelops the wire. The two separate entities gradually become one.
Tim: Am I the tree or the barbed wire?
Wilson: Well, I don't think you're the tree, Tim. [Tim laughs] Ah, the point is, the two were joined without destroying the tree or losing the integrity of the fence. It's almost as if they belong together.
Tim: Like Jill and me.

Quote from Tim

Al: OK, well, what should I wear?
Tim: Well, Al, I can't speak for Fred or Charlie, but I'd like to see you in something simple yet revealing.
Al: What you're saying is it doesn't matter.
Tim: That's what I'm saying, Al. Unless you get an evening dress...
Al: I'll see you at 7:30.

Quote from Tim

Tim: I got everything I need. Chips, soda, all ready for that poker game. Whoa! Looks like your mom made some dip.
Jill: [o.s.] Don't eat that!
Tim: I know. It's for the company. [licks dip off finger] Is that your mother's recipe?
Jill: No. It's not a dip. It's an organic face mask. [Tim retches]

Quote from Tim

Jill: Well, Tim, if the boys don't want to go, maybe we should just all stay home.
Tim: No! When your sister gets here, she goes, Charlie stays. It's a man's night tonight.
Jill: "Man's night."
Tim: Yeah. Man's night. Cigars, smoke, scratching parts of you, burping, body noises without any kind of apology. "Oh, excuse me. I'm sorry. I fluffed."
Jill: How is that different from any other night?
Tim: Well, there'll be other men doing it with me.

Quote from Tim

Charlie: Well, I've only been married 23 days, and every day it's been the same thing. Nag, nag, nag. "Pick up your socks, pick up your underwear, pick up your dishes."
Tim: Charlie, pick up your keys. [chuckles] Let me tell you something about women. Women are a product of their mothers. And their mothers before that, and their mothers before that. This nagging is a genetic thing. It goes way back, you know? Maybe to caveman days. The Serengeti's quiet. You could hear a pin drop. But out of a cave hole: "Hey. Grog, get your hairy butt out of that bed. Did you drag this wildebeest across this floor? I've been down on my knuckles and knees all day. I washed your loincloth this morning. Use some leaves, will ya?" Why do you think man invented the wheel? So he could leave home now and then.

Quote from Tim

Tim: All right, my deal. Seven card stud. Everybody antes.
Al: Why do they call it "stud"?
Tim: Well, I think it's because you're here, Al.

Quote from Tim

Fred: Charlie, you should have seen this '40 Chevy project I was working on.
Tim: Oh, that pick-up down at your shop.
Fred: Beauty.
Tim: It's lime green. It's metal flake. About a mile deep paint job. This thing is just unbelievable. It's got a...
Both: ..454, big Chevy V-8, tunnel rams... dual quads, polished heads...
Fred: ..350 turbo trans. Ten-inch torque converter. I mean a sweet piece of metal.
Tim: Ooh! This is it, right here. Men talking. Cigar smoke. Cars. [grunts]

Quote from Tim

Tim: Let me jump in here, if I could. Charlie, Jill and I have been married 12 years. Good marriage for one reason. Every day I get up early morning. Look her right in the eyes and say. "Jill, I'm sorry."
Charlie: For what?
Tim: For everything. Just being a man, having an Adam's apple, just breathing. That's it.

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