Trending Home Improvement Quotes

Quote from Tim in Birds of a Feather Flock to Taylor

Tim: It must've been a great day, watching that first T-Bird roll off that line.
Eddie: Oh, great day. But they were all good days back then. You know, we used to knock out about 100 cars a day. And after work, Hick and me, we'd go down and have a stinky.
Tim: Stinky?
Eddie: Yeah, it's a sandwich.
Hick: My own invention - Limburger cheese, sauerkraut, big slice of Bermuda onion, and some hot mustard.
Eddie: Whoo-hoo.
Tim: Why don't you just lick a skunk?
Eddie: And, Tim, they still make a great stinky at... [to camera] down at Big Mike's Tavern at fourth and Jefferson! Hey, that ought to take care of our tab.
Hick: Yeah, right.
Tim: Big Mike's Tavern. Boy, that sounds like a man's bar there.
Hick: You know it, junior. Pool tables, dark wood, American beer.
Eddie: We go there all the time, fourth and Jefferson!


Quote from Jill in Fifth Anniversary

Jill: Oh, you guys are doing so great. This is gonna raise a lot of money for the library.
Brad: I hate to break this to you, Mom, but you forgot to put the date on the invitations.
Jill: It's not supposed to have a date. It's a "no dinner" dinner.
Mark: What's that?
Jill: Well, it's a dinner party with no dinner and no party.
Brad: Sounds great, Mom. Put me down for five "no tickets."
Jill: I know it sounds a little confusing, but this way, the library doesn't have to buy food or rent a hall. They get to keep all the money they raise.
Brad: Well, then why do you send an invitation? Why don't you just ask for money?
Jill: 'Cause it's fun. You know, people get into it.
Randy: Cool. Tonight, I think I'll throw myself a "no homework" homework party.
Jill: Yeah, right.

Quote from Tim in Home for the Holidays

Randy: You know what I also miss? Is that Chinese-food place we used to go to. What was that?
Jill: Fu Wong's?
Randy: Yeah. Fu Wong's.
Jill: Fu Wong's closed.
Tim: That's right. What's it now? It's Tanaka's Sushi and Live Bait.

Quote from Wilson in What About Bob?

Wilson: Tim, Tim, Tim. The first step for greatness is humbling yourself. [Tim grunts] Maybe you shouldn't try to have all the answers, and instead ask more questions. You see, Tim, a truly wise man always has more questions than answers.
Tim: So... would that make me wiser than you, Wilson?
Wilson: Well, what do you think, Tim?

Quote from Tim in Talk to Me

Tim: But I also should learn to listen to your feelings and understand what you're going through. You helped me when I changed careers into Tool Time. And, you know, I want to do the same for you, 'cause, with your talent, you might have your own show. Your own psychology show, can you imagine? "Is everyone cognizant of what time it's become?" "It's Psycho Time."

Quote from Tim in Chicago Hope

Tim: It's both of us, you know. I've been working so hard, you've been at school.
Jill: That's no excuse. I just read this survey. It said that that some couples, no matter how busy they are, still make love five times a week.
Tim: With each other?!
Jill: Yeah. Yeah, I'm serious.
Tim: Five nights a week? I'm surprised they have the energy for the survey.