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‘Fear of Flying’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Home Improvement: Fear of Flying

517. Fear of Flying

Aired February 13, 1996

Jill is afraid when Mark wants to take flying lessons. Meanwhile, Tool Time welcomes the astronauts of the space shuttle Columbia.

Quote from Jill

Mark: And they let us go up in one of those turboprops.
Jill: Ooh! One of those simulator things?
Tim: No. A little plane.
Jill: You took him up in a little plane?
Tim & Mark: Yeah.
Jill: Those things are disasters waiting to happen. They're like Tool Time with wings.

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Quote from Wilson

Wilson: Well, Jill, as an experienced pilot, I can assure you that learning with a licensed instructor is quite safe.
Jill: I didn't know you were a pilot.
Wilson: Oh, yes, indeedy. I've logged over a 1,000 hours since I flew spy planes during the war.
Jill: You were a spy?
Wilson: Mm-hmm.
Jill: Which war?
Wilson: I'm not at liberty to say.

Quote from Tim

Tim: You know what happens when a mother babies her son like this? He turns into Al.

Quote from Jill

Jill: I'd hate to think that I was passing my fears onto the kids, though. Thanks to their father, they're afraid of glues, hammers and anything in reverse.

Quote from Wilson

Wilson: Well, I'd be glad to take you up. It's just that there are a few countries I can't fly over.
Jill: Which ones?
Wilson: I'm not at liberty to say.

Quote from Wilson

Mark: So, Mom, can I take flying lessons?
Jill: Yeah. So long as you leave your father home. Wilson, can we land now?
Wilson: Land? I never learned how to do that.
Tim: He's kidding. You're kidding, right?
Wilson: I'm not at liberty to say.

Quote from Jill

Tim: These planes are perfectly safe. They're checked every 100 hours. They inspect the engine, the airframe.
Jill: Do they inspect the brains of the parents who sign their kids up for these classes?
Tim: Maybe. Read the brochure. I haven't read the whole thing.
Jill: Tim, there is no way that I'm gonna let Mark do this. No way.
Tim: He's finally found something he likes to do. He's got a hobby now.
Jill: No, no! Fishing is a hobby, building model planes, that's a hobby. Flying kamikaze missions over Detroit, not a hobby.
Tim: Kamikaze missions?
Jill: Yeah.

Quote from Wilson

Wilson: Well, Jill, from what you tell me of your family, I'm reminded of the behavior of baboons. The studies showed that the offspring of baboons pick up their parents' fears, whether those fears are justified or not.
Jill: So you're saying I'm afraid for Mark because my mother projected her fears onto me?
Wilson: Well, I can't say that for sure. Jill, have you ever been up in a small plane?
Jill: Of course. The Dumbo ride at Disney World.
Wilson: I think what would really help you is to take a ride in a small aircraft just to see how darn safe they really are.
Jill: I don't think so. I'd be too scared.
Wilson: Well, are you really scared, or are you just echoing your mother's fears?

Quote from Jill

Tim: Look, he'd be trained by a highly experienced instructor who's logged over 1000 hours in this plane.
Jill: I don't care if it's a million hours. It only takes ten seconds to crash.
Tim: Honey, honey, honey. We in the aviation business don't use the word "crash." It sounds so negative.
Jill: Well, honey... some of us think a plane going down in flames is kind of a negative thing.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Before the astronauts went up in space, I put a care package together for NASA - a special screwdriver I made and some classic episodes of Tool Time.
Al Sacco: And they came in very handy.
Tim: Who got to use the screwdriver?
Kathryn Thornton: That was me, Tim, and I brought along a videotape of me using it in space.
Tim: Thanks, Kathryn. Heidi, let's take a look at it.
[video of Kathryn Thornton spinning around as he holds onto a screwdriver in the International Space Station]
Al: Congratulations, Tim, on your first intergalactic screwup.

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