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‘Clash of the Taylors’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Home Improvement: Clash of the Taylors

702. Clash of the Taylors

Aired September 30, 1997

Tim is upset when Randy questions Binford's environmental record in an article for the school player.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Hey, how was your bus ride?
Randy: Mom, I'm going to write my article.
Tim: You're not writing anything until you get the facts straight!
Randy: So, now you're telling me what I can and can't write? You're acting like some tyrannical fascist.
Tim: Did he just call me a dinosaur?

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Quote from Wilson

Tim: Randy wrote an article in there exposing Binford's poor environmental record. I'm real angry about it.
Wilson: Well, Tim, why are you angry? Because Randy wrote the article or because of Binford's poor record?
Tim: Both. Not to mention the fact that he called me a sell-out. The information caused a riot on Tool Time. I don't know what to believe.
Wilson: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. You know, I'm reminded of something the Polish linguist Alfred Korzybski once said.
Tim: "Why can't my name be Johnson?"
Wilson: Korzybski said, "There are two ways to slide easily through life: To believe everything or to doubt everything. Both ways save you from thinking."

Quote from Jill

Jill: Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Hansen. I'm Jill Taylor, your counseling intern.
Lou Hansen: Nice to meet you.
Jill: Well. Before we begin, I'd like to talk a little bit about my methodology. I am an avid proponent of emotionally-focused couples therapy, which is founded on the belief that couples hide their primary emotions and instead exhibit secondary reactive emotions, which result in negative interactions, such as pursue/distance, or blame/withdraw. Serving as a defense against the more vulnerable primary emotions. Any questions?
Lou Hansen: Are you the only therapist or can we get someone else?

Quote from Tim

Jill: Look, Randy is young and idealistic. It's natural that he's gonna get carried away with things that are important to him.
Tim: What if this is just the beginning? What if he tells us we can't wear leather or eat meat? Or he starts falling in love with dolphins and he says we've got to throw out all our tuna? I'll only say this once. I love my kids. But I will never, ever give up my tuna.
Jill: [momentarily speechless] Later.

Quote from Tim

Jill: Great news. I got accepted in a special program at school. I'm gonna be counseling families.
Tim: Well, congratulations, Jill.
Jill: I am so excited. I finally get to implement some of these techniques I've been studying.
Tim: If you get stuck, try my counseling technique. "People, people, get over it!"

Quote from Tim

Randy: Well, I finally got my next topic for the school paper. I'm gonna write about what local companies are doing to protect the environment.
Jill: That's a fantastic idea.
Tim: Why don't you write about Binford? They've got all sorts of programs. Recycling, water conservation...
Jill: They even tried to get your dad to carpool with Al.
Tim: You can only love your planet so much, honey.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Hey! I not only have principles, I'm your ride home.
Randy: I'll take public transportation.
Tim: Hey, don't use your fancy words with me. It's called a bus!

Quote from Jill

Jill: Tim, as helpful as that is...
Brad: Mom?
Jill: ...I think kindness is a more effective approach.
Mark: Mom, there's no food.
Jill: I use compassion and sensitivity...
Brad: Mom
Jill: ...to nurture people, you know, like a flower.
Brad: Mom, Mom!
Jill: What?!
Brad: When are you gonna go to the store?
Jill: I'll go when I'm good and ready to go to the store! And if you don't like the food that's in the house, you can go to the store yourself or starve!
Tim: Now, that flower you were talking about... Did you say "nurture" or "torture"?

Quote from Tim

Jill: You know, Randy, I was a social activist in high school. I was very involved in the feminist movement. Went to rallies where hundreds of women burned their bras.
Tim: I cheered those women on.
Randy: Well, Dad, you always have been known for your great social conscience.
Tim: Hey, pal, I'll have you know that in high school I spent eight months trying to save an endangered species.
Randy: Really? Which one?
Jill: The muscle car.

Quote from Tim

Bud: Wait, Tim. See, he doesn't understand how business works. You see, rushing a plan like this could affect jobs, and Binford's financial well-being.
Randy: Well, what about the well-being of the environment? Without clean air to breathe, you don't have customers to buy your tools. I mean, besides, do people really need fourteen different types of hacksaws?
Tim: People do!

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