Al: Boy, this is great! I'm telling you, the phones are ringing off the hook! I never thought this game would catch fire so soon.
Tim: Well, it did.
Al: What do you need to talk to me about?
Tim: Well, I think they might have put the wrong wire in it. It's defective. We played it last night and it caught fire.
Al: Caught fire? Everything you do catches fire.

Heidi: Good show, Al.
Al: Thank you.
Heidi: Tim, do you want the big ice pack or the small ice pack today?
Tim: Ow. I'll take the small one. It's just my head.

Jill: Oh, come on! We've been at this for 11 hours. I need a break.
Tim: What you need is some hot coffee. Look how fast Wilson's working.
Wilson: [speaks rapidly] You know, I never was much of a coffee drinker. In fact, this if the first time I've ever had one full cup, let alone eight cups. It was really quite invigorating. It reminds me of the Buddhist monks after Zen meditation.
Tim: No more coffee for Wilson.
Wilson: I need chocolate and I need it now!
Ilene: Al's gonna be so touched when he sees his friends have fixed all his games.
Wilson: Well, Euripides said, "True friendship is shown in times of trouble: prosperity is full of friends."

Heidi: How about you, Al? Got anything planned?
Al: Aw, just going up to my cabin, all by myself, thinking about how the best years of my life have slipped away.
Heidi: Well, have fun.
Al: [sighs] You hate seeing me like this, don't you?
Tim: Yes, I do. That's why I'm leaving.
Al: All right, all right. I know you're not going to be able to rest until you know what's bothering me. I'm depressed because I have that big birthday coming up. You know, the big three-seven.
Tim: "The big three-seven"? Generally, the big birthdays would be the big three-O, the big four-O.
Al: I've just always marched to the beat of a different drummer.
Tim: Maybe it's time you marched to the couch of a psychiatrist.

Tim: How does it feel to work on your first hot rod?
Mark: Dad, I worked on the last one.
Tim: You did? What did you do?
Mark: Tightened the radiator hose.
Tim: I remember the radiator hose, but I don't remember you. [grunts] Oh, yeah.
Mark: Thanks a lot, Dad.
Tim: Don't take it personally. When a man works on a hot rod, he tunes out all that doesn't have a motor in it.

Brad: Dad, what are you doing?
Tim: Fixing Al's motor. Took me 12 minutes.
Brad: Why are you timing yourself?
Tim: Well, I'm trying to figure out how I can redo all his motors in two days. I've got six people working on 500 motors. 12 minutes a piece. That means they can all be fixed in...
Brad: A lot less time than it'll take you to figure out the answer?

Wilson: [speaks rapidly] You know, that reminds me of French Madame de Staël, who said, "Love is above the law, above the opinion of men: the State, the flame, the ideal story of the modern world."
Tim: Give me the chocolate bar.
Wilson: Does anybody else feel like your heart is about to leap out of your chest?

Heidi: So, guys, enjoy your next two weeks off.
Tim: You doing something special?
Heidi: Only taking my dream vacation - island-hopping in the Caribbean. How about you?
Tim: "Only taking my dream vacation..." Me and the hot rod in the garage.

Al: Well, I guess you're wondering why I'm having all these extra lines put in.
Bob: Nope.
Al: You ever watch Tool Time?
Bob: Nope.
Al: You like board games?
Bob: Nope.

Tim: Hey, Al.
Al: Hey, Tim.
Bob: Hey, I know you!
Tim: You like Tool Time, huh?
Bob: Nope. My wife's head nurse on the emergency ward.
Tim: It's Marge. You must be Bob.
Bob: Yeah.
Tim: I've heard a lot about you. Say, did you ever get over that little gambling problem?
Bob: Oh, you bet! Anyway... well, you're all set. All three lines are working.
Tim: OK. When you see Marge, tell her I'll see her soon.
Bob: Hey, I'd put money on it!