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‘Dollars and Sense’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Home Improvement: Dollars and Sense

309. Dollars and Sense

Aired November 17, 1993

When the boys receive some money from their grandmother, they decide to invest in baseball cards. Meanwhile, Tim and Al visit the guys from K&B on the construction site.

Quote from Randy

Tim: Guess what's coming back to the house in two weeks. I'll give you a hint. It goes vroom, vroom, vroom.
Randy: Ha. Usually everything around here goes vroom, vroom, boom.


Quote from Tim

Tim: I always wonder what you do up here when nature calls. What do you do, just let it fly and hope you don't hit the foreman? Look out!
Pete: Well, actually, that is the way Dwayne does it, Tim. The rest of us, we just take the elevator down to the Porta-Potti below.
Tim: Hey, wait a minute. Get this rope here, just attach it here to my 'biner, and you can just head down towards that Porta-Potti right down there.
Al: Tim, be careful.
Tim: Well, I don't know, Al... [slips] Oh! Whoa... aah! [crashes through the wooden Porta-Potti]
Al: Tim, are you all right?
Tim: Oh, yeah, I'm fine. Whoo! Long as I'm down here... Could somebody send me a magazine?

Quote from Al

Al: Working on the high steel takes courage and intestinal fortitude, a lot like working with Tim.
Tim: That's right, A... That's right, Al.

Quote from Jill

Jill: I can't believe you let them do this.
Tim: Before the steam starts coming out of your nose, let me explain.
Jill: You don't have to explain what happened. I know what happened. You all went to the store, you saw the car, you started drooling, the drooling led to grunting, the grunting led to buying.
Tim: You are so far off, it's not even funny. We grunted, drooled, bought.

Quote from Wilson

Tim: Whatever you're cooking sure smells good.
Wilson: Why, thank you, neighbor. I'd offer you some, but this is my homemade shoe polish.
Wilson: So how was your day?
Tim: Oh, same old, same old. Went to work, made fun of Al, crashed through a Porta-Potti.
Wilson: Hmm. Sounds full.
Tim: Oh, that wasn't it. Supposed to teach the boys something about investment, went to buy some one-of-a-kind baseball cards. I let them buy a remote-control car instead.
Wilson: So Jack was sent out to sell the cow, and instead he returns with a handful of magic beans.
Tim: What? Beans? Jack? What are you talkin' about? I think you been sniffin' the fumes in that shoe polish too long.

Quote from Tim

Tim: I went into that store with the kids. When I saw that car, I just turned into a big kid. You know, I wanted it myself.
Wilson: [chuckles] Well, Tim, I've always believed the spirit of the child lives on in the man. However, in your case, I think the spirit has completely taken over.
Tim: I've always been a toy freak. I loved them when I was a kid. Even when I couldn't afford cool ones, I made my own toys. Tim Taylor toys.
Wilson: They must have been the talk of the neighborhood.
Tim: Oh, yeah, especially when they caught fire and exploded.

Quote from Wilson

Wilson: It must have been difficult, not being able to afford the things you love so much.
Tim: [grunts] Yeah, no toys for Tim. It was tragic, yeah.
Wilson: But nowadays, when you see something that you wanted when you were a boy, you get pretty excited.
Tim: Yeah, I guess I do get pretty excited, and that excitement probably rubbed off on the boys when we walked into that store. [goes back inside]
Wilson: Well, Tim, it's not uncommon. We all try to grasp the pieces of our youth that never were. You didn't have toys. My mother wouldn't let me talk to my neighbors. Tim? Tim?

Quote from Brad

Jill: What did you decide on? College fund, savings account, another bond?
Mark: Baseball cards.
Jill: Baseball cards?
Randy: Well, look at this card. Honus Wagner. It originally sold for a penny. Now it's worth $450,000.
Brad: So we figured if we put our money together and we buy a card for $150, someday it could be worth six billion.
Jill: Brad, I'm not sure that every card gives you a 40 million percent return.

Quote from Jill

Tim: This toy? This toy...
Jill: Oh, man.
Tim: an autographed one-of-a-kind. They keep this in mint condition, it'll double its price.
Jill: You said mint condition?
Tim: Yeah.
Jill: Was that spearmint or peppermint?
Tim: Why is there gum on this?
Jill: It's holding this paper clip in place here. Ugh. What is "...ick Mea..."?

Quote from Al

Pete: Tim, remember, one foot directly in front of the other.
Tim: Thanks, Pete. I'm right behind you. Whoo! Like it up here. We're finally up here on the high steel, where men belong. I call this "iron country safari." [grunts]
Al: I've been cooped up in the studio too long. I've forgotten what it's like to be outside, working next to men who know what they're doing.

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