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Home Improvement: Tim's First Car

808. Tim's First Car

Aired November 10, 1998

Tim is shocked to find the frame of first car, a '66 Corvair, in a junkyard. Meanwhile, Mark films a college application interview for Brad.

Quote from Al

Tim: Here at Binford, we're not just tool people. Darn it, we're educators!
Al: That's right. Each week Tim teaches you what not to do. [Al & Heidi laugh]

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Quote from Wilson

Jill: What is the deal with men and their first cars?
Wilson: Well, Jill, sometimes in our society, a young man's self-image is defined by his first automobile.
Jill: No. You're saying that men define who they are as human beings by four wheels and an engine? Don't you think that's kind of shallow?
Wilson: No, I don't think so.
Jill: No, of course, you don't. You're one of them.
Wilson: [chuckles] No. The first car represents freedom and independence. I tell you, there's nothing more exhilarating for a young man than getting behind the wheel of the car, revving up that engine, racing off to his first Mozart festival. Well, maybe that's just me.

Quote from Tim

Tim: All the way home in the car, I was trying to figure out a way to blame you. Truth is, it's my fault. I should never have sold that Corvair in the first place.
Jill: You can't blame yourself for selling a car 25 years ago.
Tim: Oh, watch me. So what if it had 130,000 well-earned miles on it? So what if the defroster never worked in the wintertime? So what if the muffler sounded like Al's mom after a whole day of Beano? Huh?
Jill: Honey, you want a nice cup of tea?
Tim: A cup of tea's not gonna cut it!
Jill: Bratwurst?
Tim: You know the sad irony, the cruel irony here? The car crusher? It was a Binford.

Quote from Tim

Heidi: Welcome to Tool Time on location. Today we're coming to you from Hernando's Junkyard.
Tim: Thank you, Heidi. Well, right now I'm standing next to a pile of old, useless debris. [looks at Al] And of course there's the rest of the stuff in the junkyard.
Al: Now, most of us will probably go through our entire lives without ever visiting an auto-salvage yard.
Tim: I, for one, as a child spent hours frolicking through this junkyard next to all these old, rusted hulks. The noxious chemicals, the pools of Freon and oil. [grunts]
Al: That explains so much.
Tim: But not anymore. The revered junkyard's no longer a hip, happening place to be. Kids today have malls to go to. Do you suppose they call it a junkyard because this is where the Chinese people keep their old vessels? "That one's got a big hole in it! Move it to the back!"
Al: I don't think so, Tim.

Quote from Tim

Tim: All right, now it's time to take a look at the big daddy of junkyard equipment. Car crusher. All right, Larry. Why don't you tell our crowd something about this?
Larry: I'll be glad to, Tim. This portable car crusher is powered by a 120-horsepower Detroit Diesel. It will crush a two-ton car down to 12 inches.
Tim: And my guess is, these are the gallant road warriors awaiting their final fate. Ah. Sweet Galaxie, noble Skylark. And look at this, a Corvair convertible. My first car was a Corvair. Just like this. Same color, actually. Even the same Western Michigan parking sticker on the windshield. Wait a minute. I think this is my car. When did this come in?
Larry: It came in about a year ago. It's been picked pretty clean.
Tim: No kidding. I should've never sold this car.
Al: Tim, we're still rolling.
Larry: Well, she's here if you want her. [crusher sounds] For now. [dog yowls]

Quote from Mark

Mark: Week four. The everyday existence of a typical suburban family.
Jill: This is good. This is good.
Mark: You can get me studying. A middle-aged mom goes back to school to recapture her youth. Pathetic? You be the judge.
Jill: You want pathetic? Why don't you take some shots of a 14-year-old who never gets an allowance?
Mark: And cut.

Quote from Tim

Jill: You smell good. Where have you been?
Tim: The junkyard. On the way home, I picked you up something real special.
Jill: You did? "The Gabor Sisters Beauty Sampler." Well, this is so thoughtful. [interrupts Tim] You're not getting another car.
Tim: Well, it's not really a car car. It's more of a shell of a car. You know, I want to buy it from the junkyard. $165, come on! And eventually it'll become my next project. What do you think?
Jill: Until then that hunk of junk just sits, what? Out in the front yard?
Tim: Actually, in the driveway.
Jill: Oh, man!
Tim: Just for a couple of months till I find a place to store it. You know? It'll start snowing soon. You won't even see it.
Jill: And then once the snow melts, then we have a rusted hunk of junk.
Tim: It's already a rusted hunk of junk.

Quote from Jill

Tim: But this is, get this, my first car.
Jill: Your first car, your third car, your 20-third car...
Tim: No, no, no. You don't understand. This is the first car I ever owned. It's that old Corvair.
Jill: Honey, you don't have the time to work on this car. And we don't have the space to store it until you have the time. We certainly don't have the money. I mean, it'll cost a fortune to restore it. And we gotta save that money for the kids' college funds.
Tim: Okay, okay. I understand all that. But this is fate. I mean, what are the odds of me crossing paths with my old Corvair?
Jill: Better than the odds of me letting you bring it home.

Quote from Brad

Brad: Look, I just don't want my video looking like everybody else's.
Mark: All right, you ready?
Brad: Yeah.
Mark: And action.
Brad: Yo, yo, yo, what's up? I'm Brad, I'm bad. This is my pad. This is where I kick back when I'm not kicking in all those goals. Oh, oh, look at who just walked in. Folks, this is the number-one lady in my life. Hey, Mom, say hi.
Jill: Hi.
Brad: No matter how many goals I score or how many tests I ace, I always make time for my main mom.
Jill: No, honey, no. You're laying it on real thick.
Brad: What am I supposed to say? Hi, my name is Brad. I really love to play soccer. And I'd love to come play for your school.
Jill: That's better.

Quote from Wilson

Wilson: So, how are things over in Taylorville?
Jill: Ah, well, for starters, Tim got me a Gabor Sisters Beauty Sampler.
Wilson: Ah, he bought another car, huh?
Jill: He's pushing for it. He found a shell in the junkyard. And he doesn't have the time or the money to spend on it. And we have no place to store it. But just because it's his first car, he thinks it's this really big deal...
Wilson: Now, wait... Whoa, whoa, whoa, just a second. Tim found his first car?
Jill: Apparently, you think it's a big deal, too?
Wilson: I would kill for my first car. You know, it was a little Morris Minor. I'll never forget it. Gosh, I miss it!
Jill: You keep a picture of it in your wallet?
Wilson: Hmm.

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