Tim: Well, I wrote you a little poem. [Jill snickers] Maybe... maybe you'd like to listen to it before you start laughing at me.
Jill: I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Tim: "I was going to buy you jewelry, and maybe some flowers. Instead, I stayed up till the wee morning hours, thinking about how lucky I am. Boy, I'm hungry. I feel like ham. My selfishness I will try to conquer. I'm sorry I bopped you on your honker. I'll love you forever, even when you're old. If you don't like this poem, I've got the florist on hold."

Tim: I'm really sorry I wasn't looking where I was going in the boat, OK?
Jill: I cannot believe that I let you talk me into water-skiing.
Tim: I didn't talk you into it. You wanted to go. If you'd let go of the rope, you wouldn't be hurt right now.
Jill: You actually think this is my fault?
Tim: Not if you don't. Honey, you can't let some nicks and cuts and contusions stop you from going. Heck, if I did that, I wouldn't go anywhere.

Tim: Honey, you've gotta go to this wedding.
Jill: Why do I have to go?
Tim: I have a... I have a million reasons. It's your favorite cousin. And... And you'd hate yourself forever if you didn't go.
Jill: Actually, I'd hate you.
Tim: I thought of that, too.

Jill: Well, I picked up my suit for the wedding. Now I just have to figure out what you guys will be wearing.
Brad: We'd be wearing a big smile if we didn't have to go.
Jill: I'm the only one of my sisters who can make it. We have to represent the Patterson girls.
Randy: A lifelong dream of mine.
Jill: Oh, come on. It's gonna be fun.
Brad: It's gonna be torture. We'll be near one of the best water-skiing lakes in Michigan, and we'll be stuck with our boring relatives the whole time.
Jill: My relatives aren't boring! They're odd. But that's what makes them fun.
Randy: Mom, what sounds like more fun? Water skiing or watching Aunt Edna take out her teeth?
Jill: They're both fun.

Jill: Look, if we can fit in any vacation while we're up in Traverse City, that's great. But your father and I have already agreed that this trip is about my cousin's wedding.
Tim: [enters] Hey! Hey, guys!
Randy: All right!
Brad: Cool, Boogie Boards!
Jill: What is all that?
Tim: Stuff I borrowed for the wedding.
Jill: And do you plan to use the Boogie Board for the ceremony or the reception?
Tim: I'll just wait to see what everyone else is doing.

Al: Ah, Wilson, this is the life, huh?
Wilson: Mm-hmm.
Al: Guys communing with nature.
Wilson: Mm-hmm.
Al: Getting away from the city... and the clutches of a suffocating, domineering mother who won't allow her son to grow up!
Wilson: Let it go, Al. Forget Mother. Immerse yourself in the tranquility of the river.
Al: You're right, Wilson. It's so peaceful out here. Why spoil it?
Tim: All right, all right! Hey! We're finally here! All right, boys. Fish fast. We got 53 minutes, all right? [whistles] Look, it's Al Al Bean.

Al: Well, Tim, I see you're as adept at fly-fishing as you were at ice fishing.
Tim: I'll bet you 20 bucks I can catch more fish than you.
Al: You're on.
Wilson: Tim, Al, we're not here to compete. We're here to achieve a higher consciousness.
Al: He's right, Tim. By creating a competition, we insult the spirit of the river.
Tim: I'm so sorry, river. But you can help me out by burping up a couple of them fish, OK?

Jill: Tim, why are you getting up so early? Come back to bed.
Tim: I got a lot of fun stuff to squeeze in today, and I can't waste time in bed with you. [Jill throws a pillow at Tim]

Tim: I borrowed my buddy Tony's boat. It's got that inboard big block V-8.
Jill: Tony's boat. That's the one with the roller rockers and the supercharged 454?
Tim: How did you know that?
Jill: You cry it out in your sleep at least once a week.

Mark: Are you sure Mom's well enough to go?
Tim: She's fine, OK?
Jill: I can't believe this. I have a bandage on my nose, a sprained wrist, my knee is sore and my butt is completely black and blue!
Tim: You got some color.
Jill: Do you think that's funny?
Tim: Not if you don't.