Tim Quote #2153
Tim: I wanna talk about you and Angela.
Brad: Dad, there's nothing to talk about.
Tim: I want to talk about sex for a minute.
Brad: Dad, I don't want...
Tim: I want you to listen to me, please. Listen up. Sex is, um... It's like a car. The best idea is to keep the car in the garage for a long, long, long time. And then, somewhere in the future, the distant future, when that garage door opens... you gotta think, "car cover".
Quote from Her Cheatin' Mind
Chris: So the only character you liked was the handyman?
Tim: No. I think the hero of this fine novel would have to be the husband. [all laugh]
Chris: He was the quintessential dullard.
Tim: Well, dullard or mallard, I don't care. She was married and only her husband should be allowed near Madame's ovaries.
Quote from Chicago Hope
Tim: It's both of us, you know. I've been working so hard, you've been at school.
Jill: That's no excuse. I just read this survey. It said that that some couples, no matter how busy they are, still make love five times a week.
Tim: With each other?!
Jill: Yeah. Yeah, I'm serious.
Tim: Five nights a week? I'm surprised they have the energy for the survey.
Quote from The Look
Benny: What's the look?
Tim: Oh, come on. It's just the most potent weapon in a woman's arsenal. Her face will transform right in front of you. Her lips get really tight like this.
Marty: Yeah. And then her whole face shrivels up. It's like...
Harry: Yeah. And then her eyes get real small and meet right in the middle of her head like a Cyclops in a housecoat.
Tim: Just when you think you can't take anymore, she lines you up and finishes you off.
Benny: Ohh! I'm never getting married. And not just because women can't stand me.
Quote from Tim
Brad: Some guys I hang out with think that by having sex it makes you a man.
Tim: I used to think that, too. But I think the truth is, you should be a man first and then think about sex.
Brad: So, what do you think? How many years away am l?
Tim: Well... there's no set number of years.
Brad: When will I know when I'm a man?
Tim: Your mom and I will tell you.
Quote from Jill
Jill: Brad, what were you doing with a girl in your bedroom?
Brad: Um... nothing.
Jill: When I walked in the door it didn't look like nothing.
Brad: Well, Mom, you wouldn't have seen anything if you had knocked.
Jill: Don't get smart with me. You know you are not allowed to have a girl in your room when we're not home!
Brad: Yeah, well, it's not going to a problem anymore. She'll probably never come back, thanks to you!
Jill: Oh, excuse me. You have a girl on your bed, I catch you and I'm the bad guy?
Brad: Mom, I didn't do anything wrong.
Jill: Really? Really? Well, what would have happened if I hadn't come home just then?
Brad: It's none of your business. I mean, you think I'm gonna talk to you about my sex life? [exits]
Jill: [whispering] Sex life?
Quote from Tim
Jill: Look, I tried to talk to him. He would not talk to me. If he's gonna open up to anybody it's gonna be you.
Tim: What am I supposed to say to him?
Jill: Well, find out what's going on first of all. Then talk to him about maturity, responsibility and safety.
Tim: Maturity, responsibility, safety. Are you sure I'm the right person for this?