Heidi Keppert Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Quote from The Naked Truth

Heidi: Welcome to a very special Tool Time, live from Tim's bathroom. Now here they are, those princes of porcelain, those titans of the toilet, those jokers of the john, those bad boys of the bowl, those...
Tim: [o.s.] Heidi!
Heidi: Sorry. Tim Taylor and Al Borland.


Quote from The Naked Truth

Stage Manager: Hey, where are you guys going? We're on! We're on in five, four, three, two...
Heidi: Welcome back to Tool Time, with those kings of the can, those lords of the loo, those thrill-seekers of the throne, those heroes of the head, those...
Tim: [o.s.] Heidi!

Quote from Let Them Eat Cake

Heidi: I got the expense report. You might wanna look at this before it goes to the boss.
Tim: Why do I want to look at it?
Heidi: Well, check out page two, under the heading, "Things Tim Broke."
Tim: Porta-Potti, 500 bucks. Mm, not bad. Plate-glass window, 275. Fuse and circuit breakers, 150 bucks? Look, do me a big favor. You know that Binford paper shredder?
Heidi: Mm-hmm.
Tim: Why don't you be a good friend and run this through that?
Heidi: Well, I can't. You broke it. 800 bucks.
Tim: Well, why don't you help me out here and find something that I haven't broken and hide it in there.

Quote from Taking Jill for Granite

Heidi: Welcome to Tool Time on location from Al's living room. Today we're gonna show you how to conserve energy. Now, a good place to start would be replacing all your old insulation. I would recommend that you-
Tim: Heidi?
Heidi: Yes?
Tim: Do tell us when the camera is rolling.
Heidi: Okay... [exits]

Quote from Dead Weight

Tim: Thanks for filling in for Al, Heidi.
Heidi: Oh, sure. Anything to help. But, you know, I'm a little nervous. You and Al work so well off each other.
Tim: Oh, come on. You're gonna do just fine. Hey, tell you what. Do you have any quirks or physical abnormalities I can make fun of?
Heidi: Uh... Yeah. I twitch when I get nervous.
Tim: Your eye or something?
Heidi: Not exactly. [Heidi's breasts twitch]
Tim: I don't know if I can work with that.

Quote from Too Many Cooks

Heidi: Does everybody know who's in the kitchen?
Audience: Irma!
Heidi: That's right, it's Cooking With Irma... with special guest chef Al Borland!

Quote from A Hardware Habit to Break

Heidi: Does everybody know what time it is?
Audience: Tool Time!
Heidi: That's right. Binford Tools is proud to present Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor! [theme music plays] Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor! [theme music plays] Tim? Al? Where are you guys?
Tim: [on the phone] At Harry's hot line, we'd recommend some oil or grease on that.
Al: [on the phone] Well, how'd you get it in there?
Heidi: Tim!

Quote from The Eyes Don't Have It

Tim: Wake up, wake up, wake up.
Heidi: I'm awake, I'm awake. Great show, Al. Really learned a lot.
Al: Why, thank you, Heidi. At least someone appreciates the work I put into this linoleum show.
Heidi: I really do.
Al: Well, what was your favorite part?
Tim: Yes, Miss Keppert, what was your favorite part?
Heidi: Well, I found every part equally fascinating.
Al: Really? Well, why don't we go have some lunch? I'll fill you in on my lecture tomorrow on vinyl.
Heidi: Oh, OK.
Tim: Which is Latin for "snooze."

Quote from Let's Go to the Videotape

Heidi: Does everybody know what time it is?
Audience: Tool Time!
Heidi: That's right, it's Rock-'n'-Roll day on Tool Time, with those rocking tool men, Tim Taylor and Al Borland. Whoo! [dances]
Tim: Heidi. Heidi. Heidi! [Heidi finally walks off]

Quote from Games, Flames and Automobiles

Heidi: Good show, Al.
Al: Thank you.
Heidi: Tim, do you want the big ice pack or the small ice pack today?
Tim: Ow. I'll take the small one. It's just my head.

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