Jill: Brad, do you think maybe you're moving a little fast in this relationship?
Brad: We're moving fast because we really like each other.
Tim: Brad, I think the point is she is three years older than you. And, um, we're just worried that maybe you're getting in too deep.
Brad: You're three years older than Mom.
Tim: Look how deep I'm in.

Wilson: The 19th century English novelist Elizabeth Gaskell said, "The wise parent nurtures the desire for independence in order to become a friend and advisor when his absolute power ceases."
Tim: If an English novelist said that, how come it's not in English?
Jill: What he means is if we expect Brad to listen to us we've got to be on his side.
Tim: But we're not on his side, honey.
Jill: Yeah, but it's reverse psychology. We have to pretend we are.
Wilson: Well, that isn't the most honest interpretation of Miss Gaskell's words.
Jill: I don't think she'll complain. She's been dead 100 years.
Tim: Show a little respect. That's Eddie Haskell's mom, right?

Jill: Brad?
Brad: Listen, before you guys say anything, there's something I want to tell you.
Tim: You want to register at Toys 'R' Us?

Tim: Hi, Brad.
Brad: I'll be up in my room studying.
Tim: Fair enough.
Jill: [quietly to Tim] That was good. That was calm. That was good. [yells at Brad] Are you insane? What is the matter with you? You're acting like a crazy person! How could you even think about getting married at your age?

Jill: Dinner at 9:00. Just a couple of years ago he was going to bed at 9:00.
Tim: A couple years from now we'll be going to bed at 9:00.

Mark: OK. A buck says Brad goes to the party.
Randy: All righty. Then another dollar says Brad's been feeling like a loser since Angela dumped him. And there's no way he's going to that party.
Mark: Well, we all know Brad's a loser. But I still say he's going to the party.
Jill: You're betting on Brad's social life?
Randy: Actually, I'm betting against it.

Jill: Brad, you have to go to this party.
Brad: You think so?
Jill: You can't stay locked in your room forever just cause you got dumped by that dingbat, motormouth Angela, who, by the way, I really liked in case you get back together.

Jill: He met somebody. Isn't that adorable? What's her name?
Brad: Samantha.
Jill: Samantha. Adorable.
Tim: What is she like?
Brad: Well, she's really cute, she loves sports, and she drives a '68 Camaro.
Tim: Camaro? Adorable.
Jill: So, when are you gonna see her again? [doorbell rings]
Brad: Soon as I open the door. She's taking me to the Red Wings game.
Tim: Red Wings? Adorable!

Tim: Before we let you go out with our son, there's a few things we need to know aboyt you.
Brad: Uh, Dad?
Tim: Brad, hold on, I'm doing this for your own good. Samantha, that Camaro is it a big block?
Jill: You'll have to excuse my husband. You know, he gets very concerned about his son getting mixed up with the wrong car.

Jill: Are you OK with this?
Tim: Yeah. She seems like she's very nice.
Jill: Brad's just a boy.
Randy: Oh, come on, Mom! I mean, younger girls date older guys all the time. No one says anything about it. You have a double standard.
Tim: He's right, honey. Honey- I love you. But sometimes you can be a bit sexist.