Tim: I want to thank our special guest Brad Taylor, who filled Al's tool belt admirably. With a few notches left over, I might add. [Heidi stands next to Brad]
Heidi: Goodbye, everybody.
Brad: Nee you sex time. See you next time.
Tim: Bye, folks.

Tim: What we have here, honey, is a simple case of sibling rivalry.
Jill: Exactly.
Tim: Which just proves, Ms. Straight-A Student, that I might know just about as much about psychology as you do.
Jill: Oh, really? What causes sibling rivalry?
Tim: Having more than one kid.

Tim: What are we waiting for?
Randy: Well, it's gonna take a minute to boot up. I still have that old I30 chip in it. Not much power.
Tim: Are you saying this thing needs more power? Lemme open it up. I can make this thing go faster.
Randy: Well, why don't we just save you the trouble and throw it up against the wall?

Brad: Al won't be there. So I'm gonna be Dad's new assistant.
Randy: You?
Brad: Yeah. And not only that, I get to hang out with Heidi. I'll probably get her phone number.
Tim: Back the hormones up. I don't want to have to bring the fire department in to hose you down.
Randy: No big deal for them. They're usually there anyway.

Jill: You're always working on the hot rod together. You're always talking about what Brad's first car should be.
Tim: He'll be the first one to drive. He's the oldest.
Jill: Exactly my point. Randy is a middle child, just like I was.
Tim: We're not going through this middle-child thing again? Please.
Jill: It was very traumatic. I was constantly overlooked.
Tim: I know. Whenever you went to the zoo, you never got to see the animals you wanted to see.
Jill: Robin got to see the monkeys. Katie got to see the zebras.
Tim: I've heard this story over and over and over... [exits]
Jill: All I wanted to do was see the wallabies.

Tim: Truth is, Wilson, I'm not that interested in the things that Randy does. Playing with his computer. Listening to heavy metal music. Reading books without "illustrated" on the cover.
Wilson: Well, it sounds to me like it's just more difficult for you to connect with Randy.
Tim: I guess so.
Wilson: Well, Tim, I'm reminded of what the Chinese philosopher Chuang-tzu said. "You cannot speak of the ocean to a well frog. You cannot speak of ice to a summer insect."
Tim: You can't speak Chinese to a tool man. What are you talking about?
Wilson: Well, I'm saying is if Randy is feeling overlooked, maybe you have to try a little harder to find a way into his world.
Tim: [grunts] Yeah, gotta get into his world.

Brad: [to the mirror] We'll be using a number nine medium-tooth blade in our scroll saw. Oh, man. I'm gonna be awesome.
Heidi: Hi, Brad.
Brad: Oh, uh, hi, Hodi. Um... Ho, Heidi. I mean, hi, Heidi.
Heidi: You a little nervous about being on Tool Time?
Brad: Um... Tool Time? Oh! Oh, yeah. That's it.
Heidi: There's a little trick I use to calm myself down before a show. I just picture everybody in their underwear.
Brad: I don't think that's gonna work.

Brad: Now, I've already traced my design onto a piece of three-quarter-inch clear pine.
Tim: Right. Heidi, the clear pine, please.
Heidi: Here you go, Brad.
Brad: Hank you, Theidi. Um... I mean, thank you, Heidi. [watches her walk away]
Tim: Could we?
Brad: Sorry, Dad.

Tim: How was school?
Jill: Oh, it was great. I got my first A!
Brad: Cool!
Tim: Congratulations. Well, that goes on the refrigerator.
Jill: No. No, Tim. This is a paper on abnormal sexuality.
Tim: Put it up in the bedroom.
Jill: We don't need it.

Jill: What happened?
Tim: Al's favorite bingo caller died.
Jill: Oh, no.
Tim: Al said his last words were, "B-11 and G... I think I'm having a heart attack."
Jill: Oh, that's awful.
Tim: Yeah. Worse than that, Al was one away from bingo.