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‘The Look’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Home Improvement: The Look

507. The Look

Aired November 7, 1995

When Tim buys Pistons season tickets from Bud without consulting Jill, he gets "the look".

Quote from Tim

Benny: What's the look?
Tim: Oh, come on. It's just the most potent weapon in a woman's arsenal. Her face will transform right in front of you. Her lips get really tight like this.
Marty: Yeah. And then her whole face shrivels up. It's like...
Harry: Yeah. And then her eyes get real small and meet right in the middle of her head like a Cyclops in a housecoat.
Tim: Just when you think you can't take anymore, she lines you up and finishes you off.
Benny: Ohh! I'm never getting married. And not just because women can't stand me.

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Quote from Al

Harry: Well, look, he's taking me to the game first because I'm his hardware guy.
Marty: No, no, no. If anyone deserves to go, it's me. I'm his brother.
Al: Excuse me. I'm the one that risks his life every day working next to him.
Marty: Uh, the man's got a point.
Al: All right, OK.

Quote from Wilson

Tim: Well, you got it made. Unattached guy like you... You don't need permission to go to 40 Pistons games.
Wilson: Uh-oh. I take it Jill was not too thrilled with your recent purchase.
Tim: That's putting it mildly. First, she gave me the look.
Wilson: The look!
Tim: You know about the look?
Wilson: Oh, Tim, every man knows about the look. Wives have been giving their husbands the look for untold centuries. As a matter of fact, the look was the reason brides started wearing veils. It was long believed that the penetrating stare of a bride could weaken her husband and render him impotent.
Tim: I thought that was caused by all the brown liquor at the reception.
Wilson: Well, that could do it too, Tim.

Quote from Jill

Tim: Let's not even worry about the play-offs. It's too far away. They'll never make it! What am I talking about? They're a lousy team this year.
Jill: You spent $4,000 on a lousy team?
Tim: Let me explain something about basketball.
Jill: All right.
Tim: You cannot get season tickets like this with a good team. You gotta ride out the bad years, hoping for a good one.
Jill: That's what you said 17 years ago when I married you and I'm still waiting for a good one.

Quote from Tim

Harry: Hey, Tim, you have to keep the tickets.
Tim: You know, I don't think I can. No, no, you know, I don't know if this is gonna be worth it. Every time I go to a Pistons game, I'll get the look.
Marty: Yeah. And what about the look you're going to get when you get home? [Tim shudders] That's two looks per game.
Tim: Times 40 games, that's 80 looks. And that doesn't count the looks I get for just doing normal bad things.

Quote from Delores

Delores: Harry, I'm telling you to go get her.
Harry: I'm telling you no.
Tim: Look out, guys. Here it comes.
[As Tim and Marty look away, Delores gives Harry the look. Harry tries to withstand it while Al and Benny freeze in terror.]
Benny: Oh, my God! I've never seen anything like it. Where's the podiatrist? I'll go get her myself.
Al: Listen, I'll drive you there.
Harry: I'll show you the way!

Quote from Wilson

Wilson: So what was your counteroffer?
Tim: I don't think that applies here.
Wilson: Because you didn't make one.
Tim: No, I did not.
Wilson: You know, Tim, I'm reminded of an old philosopher who once said: "You have to give a little, take a little..."
Tim: "Let your poor heart break a little."
Both: [sing] That's the story of That's the glory of love.

Quote from Harry

Jill: If the Pistons make the play-offs, can I buy some games?
Tim: What do you want with play-off games, honey?
Jill: I'm gonna take my husband.
Tim: Hey. Your husband's a very lucky man.
Delores: How come you never say anything nice like that to me?
Harry: Your husband isn't as lucky.

Quote from Tim

Jill: I can't believe that you made a decision like this without discussing it with me first.
Tim: Well, Bud needed an answer right away. And you buy a lot of stuff without asking me.
Jill: Like what?
Tim: This couch.
Jill: How can you compare the two? I bought the couch because we need a place to sit!
Tim: That's why I bought the tickets. I want to go to the game, I need a place to sit.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Thank goodness we shut our eyes at the right time, Marty.
Marty: Man, they're dropping like flies. Hey, Tim. You gotta stand up to Jill.
Tim: Oh.
Marty: No, no. 'Cause every time one of us gets beaten down by the look... a little piece of every man dies.
Tim: And I think we all know what that piece is.

Quote from Tim

Jill: I know how important they are to you. So I think I've come up with a really good compromise. How about you keep the tickets for five games, and you sell off the rest?
Tim: Five out of 40? You call that a compromise?
Jill: That's $500. I think that's fair.
Tim: Maybe you don't understand the concept here. These are season tickets, not whenever-your-wife-wants-you-to-go tickets.
Jill: So what are you saying, you're not willing to budge at all on this?
Tim: If I give up my tickets because of my wife, other wives are going to pick up on this. Pretty soon, wives everywhere are gonna be going, [feminine voice] "You know, "The Tool Man" gave up his season tickets. You should too." Attendance starts dropping at stadiums. Next thing we know, it's the end of professional sports worldwide.
Jill: You are just completely unwilling to compromise!
Tim: Yeah. I don't even know the meaning of the word "compromise."
Jill: You don't know the meaning to a lot of words.
Tim: And don't you forget it.
[Jill gives the look to the back of Tim's head]

Quote from Delores

Delores: I want the Knicks on February 21st.
Harry: Oh, I hate the Knicks.
Benny: I'll go with you.
Tim: Oh, sorry, Delores. That's one of my eight.
Delores: I'm from New York, and I want the Knicks.
Tim: Well, tweedle-dee-dee, I'm from Detroit, and I like the Knicks. I bought them. I'm not selling them.
Delores: Oh, really? [gives Tim the look]
Tim: She is good. Really good.

Quote from Tim

Mark: Why can't I get contact lenses?
Jill: I didn't say that you couldn't. I said that we have to check with your father first. That's how our marriage works. We don't make decisions without checking with each other. [to Tim] Hi.
Tim: Well, unless the decision had to be made in under a minute, 'cause if both partners agree on principle... You know, autonomous decisions are not a bad thing between... It's not unusual for a partner to make a decision without... It does happen in a marriage that you can make those... It does... You can... [clears throat]
Jill: Boys, will you excuse us for a moment, please?
Brad: Good luck, Dad.
Randy: Think bonding.

Quote from Al

Al: I hate the look.
Marty: What do you know about the look? You're not even married.
Al: I get the look when I'm snippy to Mother.
Tim: But in your mom's case, the look's actually an improvement.

Quote from Mark

Mark: My contact lens has to be around here somewhere.
Brad: Way to go, Mark. The contact has spent more time on the floor than it has in your eyes.
Tim: Anybody home? Hey, guys.
Boys: Hey, Dad.
Tim: Well... I don't care what you're playing, but I'm in. [drops to the floor]
Randy: It's called "Looking for Mark's Contact."
Tim: How do you play?
Randy: You look for Mark's contact.
Tim: OK. Whose turn?
Brad: OK, Dad. It's yours. OK, one, two three... go!
Mark: Wait, I found it! It was in my eye the whole time.
Tim: Well, if you're gonna cheat...

Quote from Harry

Harry: But I want the Bulls on January 21st.
Delores: January 21st is our anniversary.
Harry: Well, guess where we're going.
Delores: Over my dead body.
Harry: Well, at least for once it'll be nice and quiet in the car.

Quote from Al

Al: Wow! She's speedy with a spatula.
Tim: I don't want to brag, but I'm speedier.
Nick: Is he for real?
Al: It's a question I often ask myself.

Quote from Tim

Jill: OK, Tim. What did you buy and how little do we need it?
Tim: It's no big deal. Bud offered me some Pistons tickets, so I bought them.
Jill: How much were they?
Tim: $50 apiece.
Jill: Well, that's not so bad.
Tim: No, it's not. Here we go.
Jill: How many games?
Tim: All of them.
Jill: What?
Tim: All of them.
Jill: How many games is that?
Tim: Well, more than none and less than 41.

Quote from Tim

Jill: This money is supposed to be for education. For my graduate school, the kids' college fund...
Tim: I'm not going to dip into the college fund. We'll get the money someplace else.
Jill: Where?
Tim: Well, you know, I wouldn't... I wouldn't mind giving up that vacation we had planned.
Jill: Oh, that's big of you. You didn't care about going to New York anyway.
Tim: We don't have to now, 'cause the New York Knicks are coming to town. And the Washington Bullets, the Celtics - the entire Eastern seaboard'll be right here in the Motor City.
[Jill gives Tim the look]
Tim: Don't look at me like that.
Jill: Then put the money back in the bank account.
Tim: Did I explain that, from where these seats are, you can actually reach out, and touch the mascot, Sir... [Jill slams the door] Slam-A-Lot?

Quote from Tim

Tim: Welcome to a special Tool Time on location. I am Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor. And you all know my assistant, Al "La Carte" Borland.
Al: We're here on location to introduce to you another one of our unsung heroes of the job site.
Tim: That's right. Heidi, my unsung heroes theme music, please. [Heidi is chatting to a group of work men] Heidi. Heidi! Guys, back to work, please.
Heidi: Here you go, Tim.
Tim, Al & Heidi: [sing with jingle] He gets no thanks and that ain't right He's the unsung hero of the job site.
Tim: All right, today we're gonna meet the man who drives this great-looking lunch wagon. Hi, there. This is Nick Cantalupo. The man, the melon.
Nick: Thanks, Tim. Uh... Your food service vehicle doesn't get much respect in the culinary community. People call it the "roach coach," the "barf bus," the "upchuck wagon," the "vomit van."
Tim: Well, Nick, you're really whetting my appetite.
Nick: Good. Because today we're serving up some really savory selections.
Tim: Chili and onions, chili cheese dogs, three-cheese chili omelets. [whistles] I think I've died and gone to heaven.
Al: I know what killed ya.

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