Wilson: You know, it was Robert Ingersoll, a 19th-century lawyer, who said: "It is a blessed thing that in every age somebody has had the courage to stand by their convictions."
Tim: A lawyer said that?!
Wilson: On the other hand, I'm reminded of a general named Pyrrhus.
Tim: That's right.
Wilson: It was a Greek general who fought the Romans. His army won the war, but he lost so many men, it might just as well have been a defeat. Today we call that a Pyrrhic victory.
Tim: What are you saying? That this might not be worth the fight?
Wilson: It wasn't for Pyrrhus. It may be for you. You see, Tim, when it's a question of integrity, there are no easy answers.
Tim: I could come back. You're right, Wilson. This is really a pickle. And I don't mean that dill.

Tim: "Whoa" is right. Look at this. The new Binford 6100 reciprocating saw. [audience gasps] Phew! Huh? Every tool Binford makes goes through a rigorous quality-control system to make sure it's top of the line. And the Binford 6100... [Wes Davidson gives Tim a thumbs up]... bombed out big-time. Al, if you wanna walk away, I'll understand.
Al: I never walk away from a tool in need. That's right. The Binford 6100 bombed out of every single test we threw at her.
Tim: And... and I bet you're wondering who's responsible for making a tool like this. It's the new president of Binford Tools, Wes Davidson. He's right over there. A man who doesn't mind a bad tool. As long as it's made by somebody else. 'Cause if it says Binford on it, it's gotta be the best. I think Wes Davidson deserves a big round of applause. Wes. Come on over here, Wes. Come on! It's because of this man you'll only see quality products in your hardware store. Wes, tell us a little bit about the problem you had developing the 6100.
Al: Please, tell us.
Wes Davidson: I'd be glad to, guys. Uh, we found that the motor was a little underpowered.
Al: And the casing?
Wes Davidson: And the casing would have been a little stronger had we used metal.

Tim: What are you gonna do with it?
Wes Davidson: Well, in the interests of the consumer, I've decided to hold off production.
Tim: [dramatic gasp] Isn't this the kind of guy you want selling you tools?
Audience: Yeah!
Tim: Uh, I got an idea. Heidi, would you bring out the Binford Big Boy ZX?
Heidi: Sure, Tim.
Tim: Here on Tool Time, when we have a tool or product that doesn't measure up to our standards, we give it an... Ooh! interesting farewell. Heidi? The Binford tool masher. Al, you wanna take the honors here?
Al: I don't think so, Tim. But perhaps Wes would like to. How about it, Mr. President?
Tim: All right! Just shove it right in there. Watch your hands! [machine whirring and clunking] And what we end up with... is the new Binford 6100... paperweight.

Jill: Oh, I'm so sorry I'm late. What a day! The computers all went down at work, and then I had a library fundraiser meeting, and I got this headache - I thought my head was going to explode.
Brad: Mom, we're completely out of food.
Jill: Thank you for caring. You father and I just went to the grocery store two days ago. How can there be no food? [looks in the fridge] There's no food! Gosh! You guys are just like piranhas in blue jeans. OK, um, I'll order a pizza for tonight. Tomorrow I'll go to the grocery store.
Brad: Well, can you make sure the food is here by the time we get home from school?
Jill: Why don't I just meet you at the bus stop and I can serve you as you get off.
Randy: You're always thinking, Mom.

Al: So? What are you gonna do about the reciprocating saw?
Tim: I'm gonna do my job, Al.
Al: You're not gonna promote it on the show, are you? What about your principles?
Tim: I don't wanna end up in a Pyrex victory, all right?
Al: What?

Wes Davidson: Super episode. Right up there with Vila.
Tim: Thanks, Wes.
Al: Thank you, President Davidson.
Tim: He's president of Binford Tools, not the United States, Al.

Brad: There's nothing to eat in this house.
Mark: Hey, Randy. What's in the pantry?
Randy: We got some garlic powder, nutmeg and fennel.
Brad: What's fennel?
Mark: That's what Al's shirts are made of.

Jill: Here's what I'm thinking: tomorrow I'm gonna give you boys some money.
Brad: Yeah! Money!
Jill: And then I'm gonna send you to the grocery store, and you're gonna buy everything I tell you to and nothing else.
Randy: Oh, man!
Jill: And when I say potatoes I don't mean potato chips. And milk does not mean Milk Duds, OK?
Brad: Well, can we at least get something sweet?
Jill: You could buy me some flowers - that'd be sweet.

Tim: Binford's coming out with a new saw. I get to promote it on the show. Tonight I get to try it out in the garage - if you'll help move the hot rod chassis out.
Brad: Is it a power saw?
Tim: You bet.
Randy: I'll get the candles.
Mark: I'll get the Band-Aids.

Jill: Honey, are you still here? It's two in the morning.
Tim: Come over here, Jill. Look at this. Know what I found out when I took this apart?
Jill: That you couldn't put it back together?
Tim: This is an inferior tool. I'm embarrassed to have it in the garage breathing the same air as the rest of my stuff.
Jill: Honey, I know they're like little people to you, but get a grip.