Tim: And thus you have a beautifully decorated nameplate for your home. So when you come to my door, whose house is it, Al?
Al: Rolyat Mit.
Tim: All you got to do is read it, and it says... Rolyat Mit. How did I screw that up? Anyway, that's just one of the uses for a scrolling saber saw. Another way to make a scroll cut is use your coping saw. Say, Al, do you suppose they call these coping saws cos they're good at handling stress?
Al: I don't think so, Rolyat.
Tim: Thanks, Al. I mean, La.

Tim: To most people, saws just mean noise, wood chips. And maybe a missing finger or two. Not to me. [chuckles] To me, a saw says the sound of power, something a man can relate to. Yeah, this bad boy is raw power. [audience grunts] Ar-ar yourselves. Yeah. This is a 3.5-cubic-inch chain saw. Automatic oil, manual chain style. [runs at the audience with the saw] Yeah, you won't have this thing around too long before you hear the wife going: "Are you sure you're supposed to have that running in the bedroom?" You want to cut down on the noise, put some tape across her mouth. I'm kidding. Al, the women know I'm kidding, right?
Al: That's Tim "He's Not Kidding" Taylor... [Tim cuts Al's cardboard sign with the saw] Boy, I'm tired of that sign, Al. Besides, the women know I'm kidding. If not, they're probably too busy yapping to hear me anyway.
Al: [with a new sign] That's Tim Taylor, care of Tool Time, P.O. Box 3273...
Tim: Al, Al. Do the words "job search" mean anything to you at all? [Al rips up the sign]

Tim: All right. I'll buy sensible speakers, but we could upgrade the amp, boost the power...
Jill: No boosting. No rewiring. I just want something simple I can turn on.
Tim: Like me.
Jill: Not that simple.

Wilson: See, it's not unlike what the ancient Greeks felt during a dithyramb.
Tim: Dithyramb? How do you spell that?
Wilson: Well... Let's just say a poem with wild and irregular rhythms.
Tim: Let's just say that.
Wilson: Right. The dithyramb actually was a prelude to Greek theater. There was much stylized dancing and chanting as 50 naked men danced to the beat of a drum.
Tim: I think there's a place like that down by the airport.
Wilson: One of my favorite dithyrambs is similar to the chorus in a play by Aeschylus. "Give ear to my dithyramb. Ho! My flesh crawls while I listen to them pray. The day of doom has waited long. Oh, pain, grown into the race and blood-dripping stroke and grinding cry of disaster moaning and impossible weight to bear." [banging] Hmm. I am cleansed.
Tim: These guys would do that naked?

Mark: Dad, I found the instructions. You said there weren't any.
Tim: Real men don't use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer's opinion of how to put this together. We got a better way, don't we?
Mark: [grunts] Yeah.
Tim: [grunts] Yeah!

Randy: Yeah, we want to listen to the speakers.
Tim: Prepare to be amazed. I've got 500 watts running through this bad boy.
Jill: 500 watts? Is it safe for us to be sitting here?
Tim: It's as safe as any other job I've done.
Jill: OK, boys. Let's go.

Tim: Come on, think about it. They're great. I been reading a lot about speakers now. They're changing. Five-way bass reflex, right? Triple-crossover networks.
Jill: It excites me so much when you talk about conductors, high response.
Tim: Jill.
Jill: Megahertz, tweeters...
Tim: Jill, they got... You got a minute?
Jill: ..woofers.
Tim: You got a minute?
Tim: Can I speak for just one second?
Jill: All right.
Tim: They're new. Everything's got magnetic dampening and cooling, mini tweeters. They got aluminum diaphragms now in 'em. [Jill has a puzzled look on her face]

Jill: You stay here. I'll go buy the speakers.
Tim: Jill, please, please stay here. You go, you'll end up getting matching wood grain and a soft decor to go with carpets, chairs and linoleum. Men's speakers - that's what I'm after. Speakers with attitude. Speakers that haven't shaved in a couple of days, that's it.
Jill: Before you get all these hairy speakers. I want you to stop and think to yourself: "What would Jill want me to buy?"
Tim: I always do that.
Jill: Well, listen this time.

Mark: Dad, are these good speakers?
Tim: You bet. The best. Dual concentric design speaker elements with the tweeter inside the woofer.
Mark: Woof!

Wilson: Hi-de-ho, big neighbor and little neighbor.
Tim & Mark: Hi, Wilson.
Wilson: I see you got some stereo equipment.
Tim: Ah, state of the art, my friend. I was looking for speakers, but I ended up with a whole entertainment center.
Wilson: So you and Jill went shopping together.
Tim: Uh, she couldn't make it, so I'm hoping to surprise her.
Wilson: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Tim: Wait till she sees the CD player. Eight times oversampling. Holds 18 CDs. We could party all night, man. [dances] Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Wilson: Your lovely wife just came in, Tim, and I think you're right. She does look surprised.