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Home Improvement: Jill's Passion

707. Jill's Passion

Aired November 11, 1997

Jill starts thinking about her relationship with Tim when a guy at the gym asks her out after mistaking them for brother and sister.

Quote from Tim

Jill: Tim, I feel like we're drifting apart.
Tim: We're not drifting apart.
Jill: You don't think so?
Tim: No. Our relationship is like any couple that's been married this long. It's comfortable. It's... It's like an old pair of shoes.
Jill: That's what our marriage has become to you? Worn-out footwear?
Tim: Not worn-out. Broken in. Stretched out. This isn't helping, is it?
Jill: No.

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Quote from Wilson

Heidi: Welcome to Tool Time on location. All this week we're gonna show you how to remodel and organize your garage.
Al: And as you can see, this garage is crammed full of every object imaginable.
Tim: There's one object missing. I think it's called an automobile.
Al: That's right. The owner of this garage has a classic Studebaker, but because it's so crowded in here, [bagpipes sound] he's got no place to put it.
Tim: First you want to do is start getting rid of the big objects, like this totem pole.
Wilson: No, no, no! I could never part with my pole!
Tim: This is my neighbor, Wilson. It's his garage we're trying to organize.
Wilson: Oh, my old bagpipes. [bagpipes sound]
Al: To clean out your garage, you have to part with stuff.
Tim: That's right. Let's start by getting rid of this old bathtub.
Wilson: No, no, no, no, no. That's my special tub right there. You know, in the Roaring Twenties, my father used this to make bathtub gin.
Tim: That would explain the duck without a liver and with a case of jaundice.

Quote from Wilson

Al: Well, how about dumping the tuba?
Tim: Yeah.
Wilson: No way!
Tim: How about the dog sled?
Wilson: Don't be ridiculous.
Al: The cannon?
Wilson: Never! [bagpipes drone]
Tim: How about something small?
Wilson: No, no, no, no. These are the gloves I wore in my exhibition bout with Sonny Liston.
Al: You were a boxer?
Wilson: Oh, yes, indeedy. Back then I was known as Sugar Wilson Wilson. [laughs]
Tim: To your corners, fellas. Get your own punching bag. This punching bag is mine.
Al: Well, sometimes to clear out your garage, the first thing you have to get rid of is the owner.

Quote from Randy

Jill: What is all that?
Brad: It's all the stuff Wilson's giving away.
Mark: He gave me his boar.
Randy: Yeah. We tried to give Wilson our bore, but Mark wouldn't stay.

Quote from Jill

Tim: It's been a long time.
Jill: I know. I know. But you know how hard it is for me when I don't feel close to you.
Tim: Well, it's hard for me to feel close to you if we don't have sex.
Jill: Well, then, what are we gonna do?
Tim: You said we were out of tune, so, uh, let's get a tune-up. What do you say I take you to Sorentino's on Saturday? A candlelight dinner, you and I?
Jill: That sounds pretty good. Although, you are on the rebound from Pee Wee.
Tim: [sighs] I think I can get over Pee Wee. Let me ask you a question. If there was one thing you could change about our relationship, what would it be?
Jill: I wish that we would talk more. And I wish sometimes, if I'm feeling down, that you would put your arms around me and just hold me.
Tim: That's two things.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Hi. Welcome back to Tool Time and our special segment, "Organizing Your Garage." Al has just installed the last of our cabinets.
Al: As before, we used wood screws on the rails that rung along the inside of the perimeter. And as you can see, we built the lower cabinets extra large so they can fit even the most odd-shaped objects.
Tim: Like Al. He fits right in there. You can barely even see him. [muffled] "I can't get out of here." But the best news is now we have room for the Studebaker.
Al: Mm-hm.
Tim: The cabinets are all finished now, Al.
Al: That's right. And it looks great.
Tim: Best of all, I think we did a good job of organizing Wilson's garage. What do you think?
Wilson: Save for one minor detail.
Tim: Yeah. Uh...
[Tim and Al follow Wilson out of the garage into the yard, which is full of Wilson's eclectic possesions]
Tim: Uh, tune in tomorrow for another special Tool Time: "Organizing a Yard Sale."

Quote from Jill

Tim: Good game, guys!
Jill: Well, hi!
Tim: Hi.
Jill: I didn't know you were gonna be here.
Tim: Oh, yeah. Important meeting I had this morning got pushed off. A little b-ball seemed like a good idea.
Jill: Who was the meeting with?
Tim: A guy named Pee Wee.
Jill: Ah. From the prestigious firm, Pee Wee, Pee Wee, Pee Wee and Pee Wee.
Tim: No. This guy Pee Wee's got this radio I want for the '46 rod. It's a one-of-a-kind. It's NOS.
Jill: NOS? What's that?
Tim: It's called "New Old Stock." Its solenoid operates right from a '46 Ford. It's got five-station pre-set.
Jill: SIA.
Tim: What?
Jill: "Sorry I Asked."

Quote from Tim

Jill: Oh, guess what? Patty got opera tickets. We're gonna go see Carmen tonight.
Tim: Oh, no! Carmen, the opera. Now, if they had an opera named Car Man, I'd be there.
Jill: Um, Mom called. She said that family reunion's gonna be in January now.
Tim: [sighs] I'm beginning to hate those reunions, you know. All these weird relatives picking at me. Aunt Sally pinching my cheek. "Give me a little lippy, lippy." I gotta go. See you later.
Jill: See ya.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! What have I told you a thousand times?
Brad: I know. No medieval combat in the house.

Quote from Tim

Jill: Tim, we gotta talk. I would have talked last night when I got home. But I could tell you were doing that thing where you pretend you're sleeping so you wouldn't have to talk to me about the opera.
Tim: If you knew I was pretending, why didn't you say something?
Jill: Because you go to that much trouble to tune me out, what would be the point?
Tim: You're right. If the system works, why mess with it?

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