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‘Flying Sauces’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Home Improvement: Flying Sauces

108. Flying Sauces

Aired November 12, 1991

When Brad and Randy convince Mark that his family are aliens, Jill lets Tim work on a creative punishment. Meanwhile, Tim invites the guys from K&B Construction to give a culinary lesson for the job site on Tool Time.

Quote from Jill

Tim: "Touch Me in the Morning". Diana Ross.
Jill: I'll touch you in the afternoon if you think of the name of the song.
Tim: I remember the song that we heard in the back of my Corvair steaming the windows.
Jill: So do I. "The Minute Waltz."

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Quote from Rock

Tim: Rock, what have you got for us today?
Rock: Well, Tim, I'm a riveter. I work up on the high steel. And I'll tell you, it makes it darn hard to get a hot lunch up there. But I've come up with an easy way to make a delicious grilled-cheese sandwich.
Tim: You hear my stomach growling?
Rock: Oh, you're gonna love this one, Tim. The fellas call it "cheddar ȧ la Rock".
Tim: All right.
Rock: I use only sharp Wisconsin cheese. Because, after all, in Wisconsin, cheese is cheese.
Tim: American cheese from American cows. [moos] Look out!
Rock: I spread on a generous dollop of oleo with my trowel. Then I take the cheese and I stick it between the bread.
Tim: Good place for it.

Quote from Rock

Rock: And then I... Tim, I kind of hate to give this little secret away.
Tim: Come on, Rock, let it go. It's a Tool Time crowd. [grunts] [audience grunt]
Rock: All right, all right. Pete. I sprinkle on a little oregano for flavoring. And then I fire it up.
Tim: What do you use to heat that with?
Rock: Well, that's one of the secrets of cooking on the job site. I go straight for my blowtorch.
Tim: And that's no ordinary blowtorch. That's a Binford 3000 Turbo Ignition Switch torch.
Rock: Yeah, you betcha, Tim. See, the trick... you got to toast it nice and evenly on both sides so that you seal in that delicious Wisconsin flavor. Try that, Timmy.
Tim: [takes a bite] It's hot. [groans]
Rock: Might want to let that cheese cool down a little bit there.

Quote from Dwayne

Dwayne: You know, I'm out on the job site, way out. Nowhere close to your ordinary kitchen utensils. So I got to improvise. Now, this here, is the dipstick off my '87 two-ton pickup. With this, I make my southern specialty. Shish-ke-billy-bob. Now, the important thing to remember, Tim, before you start cooking is to get all that oil off your dipstick. Now, I like to alternate my meat and my vegetables.
Tim: How do you feel about that, Al?
Al: Well, I'm still thinking about that dipstick, Tim.
Dwayne: I prefer to use USDA Choice cube steak. Pearl onions, green peppers. And just a touch of summer squash for color. No need to make mealtime a drab affair, huh, Tim?
Tim: Perish that thought, Dwayne.
Dwayne: Now, for the seasoning. I turn to my assistant, Pete.
Pete: That would be me. I like to lightly dust the kebab with... just a hint of sage and some tarragon.
Dwayne: Well, I prefer rosemary, but...
Tim: Dwayne, rosemary's much too harsh...
Dwayne: Pete, this is neither the time nor the place. Now, ordinarily, Tim, I would wrap this in tinfoil and put it on a hot engine. But we don't have time for all that. Here, hold that, Al, will you? Thank you. Now. Pete's got one... Pete's got one all cooked up and ready for us to taste.
Pete: There you go, Tim. Give that a whirl. Yeah. How do you like that?
Tim: This is delicious. I detect a hint of 10W-30 on that thing, though.

Quote from Tim

Jill: What are we gonna do about Brad and Randy? They keep tormenting Mark.
Tim: That's why we had Mark. So they'd leave us alone.

Quote from Jill

Jill: Who sang "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" so people wanted to hear it?
Tim: You are an evil woman.
Jill: "Evil Woman", sung by Electric Light Orchestra, 1976.
Tim: Lucky guess.
Jill: Luck? Not luck, skill.
Tim: All right, brainiac. Who sang "Play That Funky Music"?
Jill: Wild Cherry. Also 1976. Released on the Epic label.
Tim: Come on.
Jill: "Come On". Tommy Roe, 1964.
Tim: Stop.
Jill: [sings] In the name of love [talks] Supremes, 1965. Let's face it when it comes to this song title stuff. I am the high priestess of pop.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Well, before we say goodbye. We get tons of cards and letters. And I'd like to share a real special one with you. Thank you, Al. Lisa?
Lisa: Here you go, Tim. Special delivery. This one's from from Rock Lannigan of Bay City.
Tim: OK, thank you, Lisa. Rock writes, "Dear Tim. I'm the foreman for K&B Construction Company in Bay City. My crew and I watch you all the time. We love your clothes, especially the Italian look with the triple-pleated slacks." Thanks, fellas. He goes on to say: "Anyway, my crew and I put in a damn hard American day's work. And we get tired of eating a cold lunch out of a metal pail." And who wouldn't? "So we did something about it. We started cooking hot gourmet meals right on the job site using the tools of the trade. Me and the boys call this 'cooking a meal with power and steel'." [grunts] This was an inspiring letter. A very inspiring letter. So inspiring. I invited these guys from K&B Construction down here to Tool Time to demonstrate cooking a gourmet meal on the job site. So don't miss us next time when we will do cooking with what?
Audience: More power!
Tim: You're right. See you next time. [grunts]

Quote from Tim

Randy: Hey, Dad, they just vaporised the whole building.
Tim: Did they get the general yet?
Randy: Yeah, just now.
Tim: I missed my favorite part. That's where they suck the blood out of his head.
Jill: [sighs] You're not watching Red Planet Death again?
Tim: No, honey, no. This is Madame Butterfly: the Backstage Look.

Quote from Jill

Jill: What are you looking for?
Tim: Jalapeño peppers. I'm going to make up some of that four-star Happy Trails rootin'-tootin' chilli of mine.
Jill: I don't know about the rootin'. But there'll be plenty of tootin'.
Tim: Just consider yourself lucky I'm not making my rip-roarin' chilli.

Quote from Tim

Tim: Boys, sit down. Your mom has something to say to you.
Jill: I believe that we have something that we both want to say to them.
Tim: Yeah, right. OK, whatever your mom is saying. I'm saying it. Just that she's the one saying it, which doesn't mean I'm not saying what she's saying. Say what I'm saying.

Quote from Tim

Jill: Name the first song that we ever slow-danced to. I'm waiting.
Tim: Give me a minute. Give me a minute. We were at the Glitter Ballroom.
Jill: Mm-hm.
Tim: We were dancing close. You had an angora sweater on. Doused in Shalimar or something.
Jill: Yeah. Yeah.
Tim: I had just the right amount of Jade East on. Our bodies were pressed close.
Jill: Tim, what was the name of the song?
Tim: Did it have the words "cold shower" in it?
Jill: [chuckles] No. But if you think of the song, I'll be upstairs.

Quote from Randy

Mark: Mom said you're supposed to be nice to me.
Randy: You see Mom anywhere in this back yard? Now get lost.
Mark: But you've got to play with me. We're brothers.
Randy: We're not your brothers.
Mark: Yes, you are.
Randy: I'm gonna let you in on a secret. We're aliens from outer space.
Mark: You're a big fat liar, Randy.
Randy: My name isn't Randy. It's Zelnot.
Brad: I'm Zorton.
Mark: No, you're not. You're Brad and Randy.

Quote from Randy

Randy: Brad and Randy are gone. We sucked the blood out of their brains and took over their bodies. We have many powers. We can read minds.
Mark: No, you can't.
Randy: I'll prove it. Zorton.
Brad: Talk to me, Zelnot.
Randy: I'm thinking of a number between one and ten. What is it?
Brad: Four.
Randy: That's right.
Mark: How'd you do that?
[Randy and Brad talk gibberish to each other]

Quote from Randy

Mark: I'm telling Mom and Dad. You're in big trouble.
Randy: Hey, they're not your mom and dad. They're aliens too.
Mark: Are not.
Randy: Are too. Our spaceship's coming to pick us up tonight.
Brad: Yeah. And we're gonna leave you here all alone for the rest of your life.
Mark: You don't scare me. [runs away]
Randy: Hold it. You better walk backwards until after we leave tonight.
Mark: Why?
Randy: Because aliens can't suck your blood if you're walking backwards.
Brad: Yeah. Our real lips are in the back of our heads.

Quote from Mark

Jill: Mark, what are you doing?
Mark: Nothing.
Tim: Why are you walking backwards? You could hurt yourself doing that.
Mark: Better than getting all my blood sucked out.
Tim: He's got a good point there.

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