How I Met Your Mother Quotes
- Episodes
- Season 1
- Season 2
- Season 3
- 301 Wait For It...
- 302 We're Not From Here
- 303 Third Wheel
- 304 Little Boys
- 305 How I Met Everyone Else
- 306 I'm Not That Guy
- 307 Dowisetrepla
- 308 Spoiler Alert
- 309 Slapsgiving
- 310 The Yips
- 311 The Platinum Rule
- 312 No Tomorrow
- 313 Ten Sessions
- 314 The Bracket
- 315 The Chain Of Screaming
- 316 Sandcastles in the Sand
- 317 The Goat
- 318 Rebound Bro
- 319 Everything Must Go
- 320 Miracles
- Season 4
- Season 5
- Season 6
- Season 7
- Season 8
- Season 9
How I Met Your Mother
In 2030, a father tells his children the story of his time in New York City before he met their mother.
Starring:
Josh Radnor, Jason Segel, Cobie Smulders, Neil Patrick Harris, Alyson Hannigan, Bob Saget.
Recurring Actors:
Cristin Milioti, Marshall Manesh, Wayne Brady, Frances Conroy, Chris Elliot, Kyle MacLachlan.
Original Run: 2005-2014.
Quote of the Day
Quote from Barney in The Stinson Missile Crisis
Robin: But hey, you know what? We're almost through our checklist. Okay? Okay?
Barney: Okay.
Robin: Which reminds me, why am I calling a hair salon and saying, "Jack Fantastic is quitting"?
[flashback to a camp Barney cutting a woman's hair at a salon:]
Barney: [Southern accent] Sweetheart, it's like Maya Angelou keeps telling Oprah, and I keep telling you: When you know better, you do better.
Woman: Wow, you are so wise. I wish you were straight so I could date you.
Barney: Well, as a matter of fact, I have an extremely attractive straight twin brother!
Popular Quotes
Quote from Barney in How I Met Everyone Else
Barney: There's no way she's above the line on the hot-crazy scale.
Ted: She's not even on the hot-crazy scale. She's just hot.
Robin: Wait, hot-crazy scale?
Barney: Let me illustrate. A girl is allowed to be crazy, as long as she is equally hot. Thus, if she's this crazy, she has to be this hot. If she's this crazy, she has to be this hot. You want the girl to be above this line, also known as the Vicky Mendoza diagonal. This girl I dated, she played jump rope with that line. She'd shave her head, then lose ten pounds. She'd stab me with a fork, then get a boob job. I should give her a call.
Robin: Okay, fine, I'll watch it with you.
Barney: Yeah!
Robin: But if either of you makes even one peep about the show being dirty, I'm turning it off. I'm serious.
[on Space Teens:]
Robin Sparkles: Hey Jessica, how's your beaver?
[in the apartment, Ted and Barney spit take]
Jessica Glitter: Great. How's your beaver?
Robin Sparkles: Busy as ever!
[Ted and Barney stifle laughter]
Robin: Our characters had pet beavers.
Ted: [giggles] Sure.
Robin: The beaver is the official animal of Canada. It's our national mascot.
Barney: It's a noble creature.
Robin: Well, I guess you just got to move on. I mean, it's not like you have a shot with Ready McGee over there, right? Ted?
Future Ted: [v.o.] Then I remembered. Cindy had a roommate. A roommate I only caught a glimpse of... But a roommate who, by every indication, was something very special. Was it possible? Could this be the girl attached to that ankle?
Ted: I got to see her ankles.
Robin: You're one of those? God, I swear, one in five guys...
Quote Collections
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Suit up is Barney's catchphrase to implore his friends to step up their sartorial game to match his.
16 quotes
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Have you met... is a line the gang use to start conversations with potential mates for their friends. It's most commonly used by wingman Barney to introduce Ted to women.
21 quotes
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“Barney Stinson and The Karate Kid”
Barney Stinson is the only one awesome enough to see that the true hero of the Karate Kid movie is Johnny Lawrence (William Zabka) from the Cobra Kai dojo.
8 quotes
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The story of Robin's time as a teen pop star and actress in Canada. As Robin Sparkles, she was known for songs including "Let's Go to the Mall", "Sandcastles in the Sand", and "P.S. I Love You". She also starred in a children's show, "Space Teens", with Alan Thicke.
21 quotes
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All the times Robin got angry at her colleague Patrice. "Sisters fight, Ted!"
12 quotes
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A collection of quotes featuring Barney Stinson's most notable catchphrase, "Legendary!"
27 quotes
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“Barney Stinson: Challenge Accepted”
All the times Barney Stinson accepted a ridiculous challenge, usually one which he himself proposed.
18 quotes
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Wait for it is one of Barney's many catchphrases, often interjected into "Legendary". At Barney's suggestion, Marshall and Lily's son, Marvin, has the middle name "Wait-for-it".
16 quotes
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The totally true stories of Barney Stinson.
14 quotes
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“Songs of How I Met Your Mother”
A collection of quotes featuring musical moments from How I Met Your Mother.
17 quotes
Trending Quotes
Quote from Barney in Twelve Horny Women
Barney: It is super-weird between us, and I don't want it to be.
Robin: Me, neither.
Barney: So let me just say this. I'm done. You don't have to worry anymore.
Robin: What do you mean?
Barney: I'm done trying to get you. I can't do it anymore. I'm sorry it's taken me this long to figure it out, but I promise... I'm done making a fool of myself.
Robin: Barney, you haven't been making a fool out of yourself.
Barney: It's okay. It's okay. I want it to be okay. So here's what's gonna happen. I'm gonna get us two drinks, come back and comment on the likely size and color of the nipples on that redhead at the bar, with the big, dark nipples. And you're gonna be grossed out, but you're gonna laugh a little anyway, and then you'll tell a funny story about "that bitch Patrice" at work, but neither one of us are gonna say, "Hey, how's it going?" or "Good to see you!" Because it really will be good to see you. Think we can swing that?
Robin: Yeah, I do.
Barney: Badass.
Robin: [smiles] Huh.