Home Improvement Quotes

Home Improvement

Home Improvement

Tim Allen stars as Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor, host of a local tool show, who is always looking to add "more power", whether he's at work, in his garage, or raising his three boys with his wife Jill.

Starring: Tim Allen, Patricia Richardson, Earl Hindman, Zachery Ty Bryan, Jonathan Taylor Thomas, Taran Noah Smith, Richard Karn, Debbe Dunning.
Recurring Actors: William O'Leary, Blake Clark, Jimmy Labriola, Charles Robinson, Mickey Jones, Gary McGurk, Casey Sander, Shirley Prestia.
Original Run: 1991-1999.

Quote of the Day

Quote from Jill in Bell Bottom Blues

Jill: All right, all right, all right. I'll clean the closet out.
Tim: There's got to be something in here you can get rid of.
Jill: Yeah, but I stayed married to it because of the kids.


Popular Quotes

Quote from Al in Dead Weight

Al: I was just thinking about my mother, all the great times we used to have. When I was a kid, she used to take us to the park. We'd fly kites, she'd push us on the swing. We'd spend hours on the teeter-totter.
Tim: I used to love the teeter-totter. Up and down. Up and down.
Al: Down?
Tim: Well, they play it differently in different parts of the country.

Quote from Jill in Back in the Saddle Shoes Again

Tim: Well, let me ask you a question. Have you ever wished that you'd married somebody as smart as you?
Jill: You think I'm smarter than you?
Tim: Yeah.
Jill: Well, that just shows how smart you are.
Tim: You didn't answer the question.
Jill: Do I ever wish that I married somebody else? Why would I wanna marry anybody else? You're funny, you're sexy, creative, you take chances, and you're definitely not afraid to be wrong. I'm perfectly happy being married to a man who thinks that PBS is something that women get once a month.
Tim: What I said was, "Once a month is enough for PBS." And way too much for the other thing.

Quote from Tim in At Sea

Tim: I wanna talk about you and Angela.
Brad: Dad, there's nothing to talk about.
Tim: I want to talk about sex for a minute.
Brad: Dad, I don't want...
Tim: I want you to listen to me, please. Listen up. Sex is, um... It's like a car. The best idea is to keep the car in the garage for a long, long, long time. And then, somewhere in the future, the distant future, when that garage door opens... you gotta think, "car cover".

Quote Collections

  • Christmas Quotes

    “Christmas Quotes”

    Enjoy a selection of quotes from classic Christmas episodes of Home Improvement.


Trending Quotes

Quote from Tim in Birds of a Feather Flock to Taylor

Tim: It must've been a great day, watching that first T-Bird roll off that line.
Eddie: Oh, great day. But they were all good days back then. You know, we used to knock out about 100 cars a day. And after work, Hick and me, we'd go down and have a stinky.
Tim: Stinky?
Eddie: Yeah, it's a sandwich.
Hick: My own invention - Limburger cheese, sauerkraut, big slice of Bermuda onion, and some hot mustard.
Eddie: Whoo-hoo.
Tim: Why don't you just lick a skunk?
Eddie: And, Tim, they still make a great stinky at... [to camera] down at Big Mike's Tavern at fourth and Jefferson! Hey, that ought to take care of our tab.
Hick: Yeah, right.
Tim: Big Mike's Tavern. Boy, that sounds like a man's bar there.
Hick: You know it, junior. Pool tables, dark wood, American beer.
Eddie: We go there all the time, fourth and Jefferson!

Quote from Tim in A Marked Man

Jill: Mark, we found the knife in your pants pocket. Why did you do this? What do you have to say?
Tim: Who cares what he has to say? He stole something then he lied about it. He sat there, let me yell at your brothers and take the rap for you. You're grounded indefinitely now.
Jill: Now, Tim, wait. Before you start doling out the punishment, I think we should discuss this.
Mark: I'm with Mom.
Tim: You stole from two of my best friends. They're like family to me. Is this how you treat these guys?
Mark: Dad, I'm sorry.
Tim: Forget about sorry! It doesn't work right now, pal.
Jill: Calm down. Stop yelling.
Tim: I've a right to yell. My kid's a rotten little thief. That's what you've turned into. Just a rotten little... [Mark runs off] Wait a second. Where are you going? I'm not finished with this thing yet.

Quote from Tim in Pilot

Tim: All right. We gotta get this done before your mom gets home, OK? Take a look at this bad boy. That's a Finley two-stage, five-horse Blastmaster compressor. All tubing inside is stainless steel...
Randy: Dad, why are we doing this?
Tim: Randy, it's a house full of men. We're reclaiming the male spirit. Huh?
Brad: By working on a dishwasher?
Tim: It's either that or sitting around a campfire telling stories naked. [Brad and Randy run off] Hey, hey, hey. Where you guys going? I'm kidding around. It's just you and me, Mark. Unless you got something else to do.
Mark: No, I want to be with you.
Tim: Great. [Mark takes off his shirt] What are you doing?
Mark: Getting naked.
Tim: You don't have to get all the way naked. All right, this is bare-chested men's work. Come over here.