Home Improvement Quotes
- Episodes
- Season 1
- 101 Pilot
- 102 Mow Better Blues
- 103 Off Sides
- 104 Satellite on a Hot Tim's Roof
- 105 Wild Kingdom
- 106 Adventures in Fine Dining
- 107 Nothing More Than Feelings
- 108 Flying Sauces
- 109 Bubble, Bubble, Toil and Trouble
- 110 Reach Out and Teach Someone
- 111 Look Who's Not Talking
- 112 Yule Better Watch Out
- 113 Up Your Alley
- 114 For Whom the Belch Tolls
- 115 Forever Jung
- 116 Jill's Birthday
- 117 What About Bob?
- 118 Baby, It's Cold Outside
- 119 Unchained Malady
- 120 Birds of a Feather Flock to Taylor
- 121 A Battle of Wheels
- 122 Luck Be a Taylor Tonight
- 123 Al's Fair in Love and War
- 124 Stereo-Typical
- Season 2
- Season 3
- Season 4
- Season 5
- Season 6
- Season 7
- Season 8
Home Improvement
Tim Allen stars as Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor, host of a local tool show, who is always looking to add "more power", whether he's at work, in his garage, or raising his three boys with his wife Jill.
Starring:
Tim Allen, Patricia Richardson, Earl Hindman, Zachery Ty Bryan, Jonathan Taylor Thomas, Taran Noah Smith, Richard Karn, Debbe Dunning.
Recurring Actors:
William O'Leary, Blake Clark, Jimmy Labriola, Charles Robinson, Mickey Jones, Gary McGurk, Casey Sander, Shirley Prestia.
Original Run: 1991-1999.
Quote of the Day
Quote from Al in Chicago Hope
Tim: I was just telling him about that survey how you thought we should make love five nights a week.
Jill: I never said that.
Tim: You said we should be like those couples.
Jill: All I said was that I'd like it if it was more than once a month.
Al: Ilene and I are once-a-weekers. [looks at watch] And tonight's the night. [runs out]
Popular Quotes
Quote from Al in Dead Weight
Al: I was just thinking about my mother, all the great times we used to have. When I was a kid, she used to take us to the park. We'd fly kites, she'd push us on the swing. We'd spend hours on the teeter-totter.
Tim: I used to love the teeter-totter. Up and down. Up and down.
Al: Down?
Tim: Well, they play it differently in different parts of the country.
Quote from Jill in Back in the Saddle Shoes Again
Tim: Well, let me ask you a question. Have you ever wished that you'd married somebody as smart as you?
Jill: You think I'm smarter than you?
Tim: Yeah.
Jill: Well, that just shows how smart you are.
Tim: You didn't answer the question.
Jill: Do I ever wish that I married somebody else? Why would I wanna marry anybody else? You're funny, you're sexy, creative, you take chances, and you're definitely not afraid to be wrong. I'm perfectly happy being married to a man who thinks that PBS is something that women get once a month.
Tim: What I said was, "Once a month is enough for PBS." And way too much for the other thing.
Tim: I wanna talk about you and Angela.
Brad: Dad, there's nothing to talk about.
Tim: I want to talk about sex for a minute.
Brad: Dad, I don't want...
Tim: I want you to listen to me, please. Listen up. Sex is, um... It's like a car. The best idea is to keep the car in the garage for a long, long, long time. And then, somewhere in the future, the distant future, when that garage door opens... you gotta think, "car cover".
Quote Collections
Trending Quotes
Quote from Tim in Birds of a Feather Flock to Taylor
Tim: It must've been a great day, watching that first T-Bird roll off that line.
Eddie: Oh, great day. But they were all good days back then. You know, we used to knock out about 100 cars a day. And after work, Hick and me, we'd go down and have a stinky.
Tim: Stinky?
Eddie: Yeah, it's a sandwich.
Hick: My own invention - Limburger cheese, sauerkraut, big slice of Bermuda onion, and some hot mustard.
Eddie: Whoo-hoo.
Tim: Why don't you just lick a skunk?
Eddie: And, Tim, they still make a great stinky at... [to camera] down at Big Mike's Tavern at fourth and Jefferson! Hey, that ought to take care of our tab.
Hick: Yeah, right.
Tim: Big Mike's Tavern. Boy, that sounds like a man's bar there.
Hick: You know it, junior. Pool tables, dark wood, American beer.
Eddie: We go there all the time, fourth and Jefferson!