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The Fun House

‘The Fun House’

Season 1, Episode 18 -  Aired March 24, 2010

After Frankie and Mike realize they never see Axl because he's always at the Donahues, Mike buys a pool table so their house can be the "fun hose" in the neighborhood. Meanwhile, Frankie fears for her job when Ehlert hires a motivational consultant.

Quote from Brick

Mike: Brick, are you licking the chalk?
Brick: I'll never eat white chalk again.


Quote from Frankie

Frankie: Everyone else has been at the dealership longer than me. I have the worst record. So fire me.
Abby Michaels: [hands Frankie a napkin] What does this say, Frankie?
Frankie: "Fire me."
Abby Michaels: That's right. I wrote down what I knew you would say. That's why I made up this charade of someone being fired. To show you how you don't value yourself.
Frankie: Wait a minute. Ehlert's not firing anybody? You made it up? I didn't sleep at all last night. I have been in agony. You are crackers, lady.
Abby Michaels: Or am I? If I hadn't brought you to this point, would you have been open enough to hear what I'm about to say?
Frankie: I don't know. Maybe.
Abby Michaels: I know you. See, you've got this tape playing in your head: "Oh, I'm just a person who didn't finish college. I'm just a mom." Let go of the "justs," Frankie. Just let them go. Empower yourself to be who you wanna be... and love that person.
Frankie: Okay.
Abby Michaels: Because now you're living paycheck to paycheck, and the sad thing is you're working really hard.
Frankie: I am. I'm working really hard.
Abby Michaels: I know. You have a choice. You can say, "I get up every morning, I deal with a mean boss, the economy sucks, and no one's buying cars." Or you can say, "I get up every morning, I deal with a mean boss, the economy sucks, and no one's buying cars. That's what gets me up in the morning because I am Frankie Heck... and I can do it all. I get my family dressed and fed... send my kid off with his science-fair volcano... and I find the missing car keys, then I get the stain out of the jersey. I walk in the door of the dealership: Pow. Bring it on. I can sell 10 cars today. I'm not scared. I'm a mom. I can do anything."
Frankie: I can. I can do anything.
Frankie: [v.o.] Wow. She's good. She's like the woman whisperer.

Quote from Frankie

Frankie: What are you doing?
Mike: I ordered a pizza. Get in and shut the door before the kids smell food.
Frankie: Okay, so guess what. I'm not fired. And not only that, but Abby thinks I have potential. Yeah. My problem is I have been undervaluing myself. There's no reason I couldn't be selling 10 cars a day if I wanted to. [off Mike's look] All right, well... Not maybe 10, but five at least. It's about my attitude. I just have to get up and say, "Yes. I get to get up early and make everybody's lunches... and look for the car keys, and bust my butt to get to work... where nobody's buying cars..." I'm not saying it as good as she does but... There was something about Lego cleaning. A "pow" in there so... God, it seemed to make so much sense before... now it just sounds like it's gonna take a lot of energy. Maybe I should just try to get to work on time.

Quote from Brad

Brad: Hi, Mr. Heck. Hi, Mrs. Heck. OMG, it's so good to see you.
Frankie: Hi, Brad.
Mike: Brad.
Frankie: [v.o.] Brad was Sue's ex-boyfriend. She broke up with him after she discovered him smoking. There might be one other thing they've had left to discover, but we weren't about to tell them.
Brad: Mr. Heck, I love your haircut. You have to give me the name of your stylist.
Mike: Uh, I go to this guy Al, and I think if I called him a stylist, he'd punch me.
Brad: Well, kudos to Al. And kudos to you for rocking it.

Quote from Axl

Frankie: [v.o.] There are lots of famous houses known for the fun times going on inside: the Playboy Mansion, Animal House, wherever George Clooney is living. In Orson, that house is... the Donahues'.
Frankie: Hey, where you been?
Axl: Donahues'.
Frankie: You're sure over there a lot.
Axl: Yeah, they got a flat-screen TV. Ours is all thick and stupid.
Mike: Yeah, well, ours is all paid for.

Quote from Frankie

Brick: I have to do a report for school where I interview my family.
Frankie: Okay, shoot.
Brick: When you were young, what did you wanna be? What were your hopes and dreams and how did you see it benefiting mankind? And how close would you say you've come to achieving those goals?
Frankie: Um, okay, well, hmm... When I was little, oh, I wanted to be a Golddigger.
Brick: You wanted to work in a mine?
Frankie: Oh, no. Dean Martin had this cool show, and he had these dancers who wore go-go boots... and they were called Golddiggers because... well, their values weren't very good.

Quote from Mike

Frankie: He's always at the Donahues'. I never see him anymore. I miss him.
Mike: That's why you're the mom. I don't.
Frankie: Yeah, but, Mike, think about it. He's 16. He's only gonna be living here for a few more years.
Mike: Don't worry, honey. When the outside world gets a load of him, I think they'll send him right back.
Frankie: Axl's right. This house is lame. You know, if we had a cooler house, maybe he and his friends would hang out here more. And that's not a bad thing because we could keep our eye on him. I mean, didn't you get in trouble with friends when you were his age?
Mike: Yeah. We got these fake IDs... and took these girls in my friend's dad's car...
Brick: Hey, Dad, could you talk slower?

Quote from Mr. Ehlert

Abby Michaels: Ah, is that the paperwork? Give me, give me.
Frankie: Sorry, Abby. I can't let you buy this car. Not when you're not fully aware of what you're doing.
Abby Michaels: [normal voice] You should have sold me the car. You should have made the deal.
Frankie: What?
Mr. Ehlert: Yep, you screwed the pooch on that one, Frances. Drunk customer: the easiest sale in the book. Meet Abby Michaels, a motivational consultant I hired to whip you losers into shape. You got your work cut out for you, Abby. I'm gonna turn off the security cameras, and you do what you gotta do. [Abby clicks tongue]

Quote from Frankie

Frankie: Hey. Oh, good, you've got your hammer out. Do me a favor, smack me in the head with it.
Mike: I'm getting a beer. I'm guessing you would like one too.
Frankie: Ugh. Ehlert has hired this whackadoodle motivational consultant who, for some reason, has decided to zero in on me and my terrible sales record. Or maybe it's because I'm a woman.
Mike: I've got something that might make you feel better. It's in the basement.
Frankie: Oh, honey, that was fun once, but that old mattress is so icky.

Quote from Bob

Frankie: Bob, she's firing someone. Abby told me that Ehlert told her to fire someone.
Bob: What?
Frankie: Yeah, and it's gotta be one of us because Pete's the top seller.
Bob: Well, it can't be me, I'm sleeping with her.
Frankie: What?
Bob: Or it could be me because I'm not all that good.

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