[While in the bathroom, Sue goes to draw back the shower curtain. When she spots Brick sitting in the bath tub, they both scream]
Sue: What are you doing?
Brick: I was too scared to sleep, and this is the only room in the house where I got to keep the lights on all night.
Sue: [sighs] I couldn't sleep either. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw zombies ripping the guts out of Taylor Lautner!
Brick: Maybe we should tell mom we saw the movie.
Sue: No, you can't tell mom! She'll think I'm a bad babysitter.
Brick: You are a bad babysitter! You let me watch a scary movie I am too young for. Besides, mom always makes it better when I'm scared.
Sue: Did the mom in the zombie movie make it better? No. She ate her baby's face off.

Sue: Okay, here we go.
Brick: What are you doing? I don't want to watch it again!
Sue: Trust me. If we watch it again during the day, we'll see how silly it is, and we'll totally laugh about it, and the movie will lose its power over us.
[later:]
Sue: Oh, my God! I thought those zombies were eating hamburger last time. They're really eating that nun's liver!
Brick: I just realized zombieism is just cannibalism in virus form. This can actually happen!
Sue: Aah!

Frankie: There's just something I want you to hear.
Mike: [on tape] [crying] Frankie, it's me. [rock music plays] [sniffles] You hear that? It's our song, baby. It came on the radio and I... Oh, I had to call you. Please, Frankie. Please take me back. I'm so lost without you.
Axl: Oh, God! Is that dad?
Frankie: Yes. Yes, it is. He left this on my machine after we broke up for a few weeks when we were first dating.
Axl: Are you serious?
Mike: [sings] Your baby needs someone to believe in [sings] I'm gonna hold on loosely, but I won't let go...
Frankie: See? Everyone hurts sometimes, even your dad.
Axl: Dude, he sounds like such a dork! Is that how I sounded? God!
Mike: Who's the dork?
Mike: [on tape] If you get this before morning, call my pager. I'm at the Chi-Chi's on route 42, waiting by the pay phone. The chi-chi's where we sat in back and fed each other nachos, remember? [crying] I love you, Frankie. I love you so much, my heart...
Mike: Frankie, what are you doing? Are you nuts?! Where did you get that?! What... What even is that?! I can't believe that you saved that. Besides, I don't even think that's me.

Mike: It's not sweet. It's not anything. Give me that tape.
Frankie: No! I love this tape. You even made up your own lyrics to 38 Special for me. You said I was your angel from above. Where is that part?
Mike: [on tape] [crying] My shirt still smells like your hair. I miss your hair.
Mike: Aah! La la la la la! I can't hear it.
Frankie: So you love me. So what?
Mike: Stop saying that! Give me the tape!
Frankie: What, love? You want me to stop saying "love"?
Mike: And you played it for our son?! Give me the damn tape. I'm going to destroy it. It's embarrassing.
Frankie: It's embarrassing that your son knows that you loved his mother enough to cry? That's what's embarrassing you?
Mike: Hey, let's pull out some pictures of you and your giant perm. I know they're in here somewhere.
Frankie: I didn't do this to embarrass you. Axl is going through a really tough time, and he's never been that open with his emotions, and he just needs to see that it's okay to cry.
Mike: But it isn't! I think that tape makes that perfectly clear.
Mike: [on tape] Oh, man. Oh, God! Frankie!

Mr. Ehlert: Ehlert Motors is proud to sponsor the Thundering Hen division playoff with this very generous donation of $25! So when shopping for your next car, remember the Ehlert motto... Who cares? [air horn blows] [speaks inaudibly]

Frankie: [v.o.] So while I was in snack bar hell, Sue was in a hell of her own babysitting Brick.
Brick: What are you watching?
Sue: Revenge of the Pod Zombies. It's too scary for you. Go to bed.
Brick: If you've moved up to a level where you can babysit me at night, then I've moved up to a level where I can stay up and a scary movie.
Sue: I have to call Mom and Dad and see if it's okay.
Brick: If you have to call Mom and Dad, maybe you're not mature enough to babysit me at all. [whispers] Mature.
Sue: Fine. Ten minutes.
Brick: So catch me up. These zombies... Why are they seeking revenge?

Student: Oh, no! Zombies! Don't eat my brain! [laughs]
Sue: Thanks a lot, Brick! Why were you standing there, staring at me like a zombie?
Brick: I was memorizing the fire escape plan in case the zombies set the place on fire.
Sue: You idiot! Zombies are afraid of fire! That doesn't even make sense.
Frankie: Okay, what is going on? You two have been acting weird all week.
Sue: I let Brick stay up and watch a scary movie, and now he's scarred for life, and so am I, and I am a horrible, horrible babysitter.
Frankie: Is that what this is all about? If there really were zombies, don't you think it would be on the news or Access Hollywood or something? Come on.
Brick: See? I told you Mom would make it better.

Frankie: Why is he stopping?
Morgan: Axl, what are you doing?
Axl: I'm not afraid of my feelings, Morgan. I love you, and I know you still love me. So I'm not gonna shoot until you take me back. [basketball bouncing] Tell me, does this sound like the actions of a man not going anywhere?
Mike: [o.s.] Axl, get your head in the game! [crowd booing]
Mr. Ehlert: Go, you jackass! I got money on this game.
Mike: Axl! Now's not the time!

Frankie: [v.o.] On the one hand, I was proud he was showing his feelings. On the other hand, if we win this, we go to state!
Mike: Axl, there'll be other girls! Shoot the damn ball!
Axl: "I'm gonna hold on loosely, but I won't let go!" Tell me you'll hold on, too, and I'll shoot, and we all win.
'Cause our love is so strong, it's... [buzzer sounds] [crowd groans] Oh, man.
Mike: Well, this isn't too embarrassing.
Sue: Help! The Pod Zombies got Brick!
Frankie: I'll get Brick. You get the car.

Frankie: [v.o.] Out here in the middle, we have a proud history of lending a helping hand, chipping in and doing what we can for the common good... We who don't have three kids and a job, that is. [telephone rings] That's why at our house, we have what I like to call my sucker list, 'cause only a sucker would answer a call from any of these people.
Sue: Jessica Kirkwood, auction chairwoman?
Frankie: Let it ring.
Brick: Reverend Hayver, church rummage sale.
Frankie: Let it ring.
Frankie: [v.o.] Unfortunately, Mike lives in an old-fashioned world... The phone rings, you answer it.
Mike: Hello? Hi, Sally.
Frankie: [v.o.] Sally Meenahan, hospitality mom. [Frankie gestures frantically to Mike]
Mike: Yeah, of course we'll be at Axl's game. Best season in a long while, huh? Run the snack bar? Ell, Frankie's gonna be there anyway. I don't see any reason she can't do it.
Frankie: Oh. I... [sighs] Okeydoke. Bye, Sally. [hangs up] She wants you to work the snack bar.
Frankie: Yeah, I got that. Sucker list, Mike. Sucker list. Are you blind? I was gesturing wildly enough to land a plane.
Mike: Consider this payback for the time that you volunteered me to take the aunts to see Mac Davis.