Brick: "She is survived by her husband, Henry, and sister, Sylvia Hammond. The county coroner will conduct a full autopsy and..." Oh, my God!
Frankie: What? What?!
Brick: They put an apostrophe "S" in "paramedics." That's not possessive, that's plural! Who was proofing the Herald back then?
Frankie: You know what, Mike? I don't know what upsets me more... a dead body in my bathtub or you not telling me about it.
Brick: Or the apostrophe!

Frankie: I was finally filing the last of the soggy papers from the flood, and I found the old deed to our house.
So I'm flipping through the disclosure statements. Listen. "Cracked foundation," which we knew, "dangerous wiring," which we knew. And then this. "Disclosure number three... Death occurred on the premises." Oh, my God! Can you believe this?! How did we not know about this? Someone died in our house.
Mike: I knew.
Frankie: What do you mean, you knew?
Mike: The realtor told me. I didn't tell you 'cause I knew you'd freak out.
Frankie: Yeah, I'd freak out! Someone died in our house! I can't believe you hid this from me. Did you ever think that maybe that's why all these creepy things keep happening around here? Candles blowing out, cabinets that don't close, my bruise that never goes away!
Mike: I thought that was gone.
Frankie: Oh, it's back. Feast your eyes.

Lexie: Well, we were kinda talking about our costumes for the party.
Sue: Oh, right! So, what are you guys thinking?
Lexie: I don't know, something cute and fun like salt and pepper?
Sue: I like it! And I can be cinnamon.
Axl: Or... peanut better and jelly.
Sue: And bananas.
Axl: Or maybe like a couple's thing, you know, like a Romeo and Juliet.
Sue: And the poison!

Axl: Hi, I'm Donny!
Lexie: And I'm Marie!
Axl: Welcome to the show! Tonight's guests are Ruth Buzzi... whoever that is... Paul Lynde... whoever that is... and Lassie!
Frankie: I'm surprised you even know who Donny & Marie are.
Lexie: Well, we were looking up famous couples for a costume, and we found them on YouTube. And I thought that Axl would make a pretty cute Donny.
Axl: And you're an even cuter Marie.
Lexie: Mm! [they kiss]
Frankie: Y-You do know they're brother and sister, right?
Axl: What? No, they're not. They got the same last name.
Mike: Yeah, 'cause they're brother and sister.
Lexie: But... we chose them because Sonny and Cher got divorced, and they stayed together.
Frankie: Because they're brother and sister.
Axl: Whatever, I don't care! [kisses Lexie on the cheek] We're out of here.

Sue: I'm the third wheel. Get it?
Frankie: W-Wait, you know you're the third wheel?
Sue: Uh, yeah. It's hilarious! They're the couple, and I am the person who's always hanging around with them. Okay, so guys ready to go to the party?
Axl: Um, actually, we're not sure if we're gonna go. Lexie and I might just chill here.
Sue: Oh, okay. Then I won't go either.
Axl: But we might go.
Sue: Oh! So then, let's go!
Lexie: Sue, it's okay. You don't have to do what we do.
Sue: Uh, yes I do. I am the third wheel. Otherwise I'm just a wheel. That makes no sense. [chuckles] Okay, so what do you guys wanna do?
Axl: Guess we might as well go to that party.
Sue: Whoo-hoo! Okay, who wants to drive? Somebody else should probably take the wheel. [laughs] You guys ready to roll? [chuckles] I've got a million of these. That's not true. I've got 17.

Sylvia: Well, Claudia was my older sister. But she died. Must be 50 years ago now. And Henry... that was her husband... he loved her so much. And when she passed away so suddenly, he was just heartbroken.
Frankie: Was he?
Sylvia: Oh! Well, we both were.
Frankie: Were you?
Sylvia: Oh, yes. I don't think we ever really got over losing Claudia. You see, she was born with a bad heart. And all of her life, Claudia's only wish was that she would make it to age of 40. Well, you can imagine how upset we were when her heart gave out just a couple of days before her 40th birthday. Henry even told the paper that she died two days after she did just so that she could get to 40. Oh, and after she passed, I was a mess, but Henry, well, he really took it hard. I guess that's what brought us together. And then, before we knew it, nine years had passed. And Henry and I finally decided to get married. Well, we knew that Claudia would've wanted it that way. She had a big heart. It just wasn't a very strong one. And I miss her every day.
Brick: Then why did you murder her?!

Sue: Isn't it so great how I can just hang with my brother and my bestie? You know, people probably thought I'd be upset when they became a couple, but it's been great! It's like I get the fun of being in a relationship without actually being in one, which is awesome because I've got school and I'm applying for an internship and I'm gonna be so busy this year and... [gasps] [sobs] I am so alone! I have lost my brother and my best friend. You think it's easy to be around them? It's not. It's hard! You think I don't know that that they'd rather be alone? I am not blind! Can you wipe my eyes? You think I don't have wants? I have wants! I want to kiss boys I like! It's just hard 'cause they're always in the apartment and always in my world all the time, and I can't escape it, so I say it's fine. [sobbing] But I'm not fine! Aah! [rolls off the couch] [Axl and Mike stand above her] Oh, no. No, don't look at me. Don't help me! Okay, help me. But don't look at me! Aah! [runs into wall]

Lexie: Wow, my eyes aren't itching. I think I've been here enough times to finally build up a tolerance to your house.

Brick: Haven't we already been down this row? It'd be a lot easier if people died alphabetically.
Frankie: It's called legwork, Brick. You gotta put in the time.
Brick: Oh, look, a dog. Wait, I thought you said pets couldn't be buried in the cemetery! None of my hamsters got a proper burial. They're all in the backyard... Bitey 1, Bitey 2, Bitey 3...
Frankie: Okay, let's speed this up. I'm getting tired. Usually Castle's wrapping up by now.

Frankie: Oh, good, you're home. Listen, we found some more articles on Claudia Tucker, and I'm telling you, it's all a little suspicious. Something doesn't add up.
Mike: I just came through the door.
Frankie: No, no, listen. They assigned a detective to her case. You don't assign a detective when someone just drowns in her bathtub. I don't know. It sounds to me like... murder.
Mike: I thought you said you weren't gonna obsess about this.
Frankie: I'm not obsessing. Brick and I have just been workin' the 'fiche all day.
Mike: Workin' the 'fiche?
Brick: We're scanning news stories relevant to our case.
Mike: What case?
Frankie: When you open an investigation, you call it a case and give it a number. We're calling it "1."