Mike: What are you doing?
Axl: I'm packing my nunchucks for the trip.
Mike: Aw, that's great. The boy genius is packing his nunchucks. No one is letting you on a plane with nunchucks.
Axl: I believe you're thinking of toothpaste.
Mike: I'm not thinking of toothpaste!
Axl: All the stuff you know about air travel is what you've seen on the TV, but I'm doing the real thing.

Brick: I think I figured out what's causing my back problems. It's this chair you made me sit in.
Frankie: Made you sit in?
Mike: For years, you begged us to get you a normal chair.
Brick: Well, I have to listen to my body. Besides, I miss my old chair. I sat in it for as long as I can remember. It's like a trusted friend, a faithful comrade.
Mike: You don't have to write it a poem. It was a lawn chair.
Brick: Which happens to have been perfectly molded to my coccyx. [whispering] Coccyx. [normal voice] Wow, that's been a while.

Mike: What's going on?
Frankie: Don't talk, just listen to me. You can talk after I get it all out, but you have to let me finish first. I love you and I support you and I back you on a ton of stuff, stuff that I don't even agree with you about, like that whole thing with Ron Donahue and the giant spatula. And the caves... nobody wanted to do that, and all these years, you won't let anybody buy drinks or snacks at the movies. And I always say, "Your father's right. These prices are crazy." But here's the thing... you can't get the Reese's Peanut Butter four pack at the grocery store. You can only get it at the movies, and so you pay a premium. And I think that's fair, but it's important to you, so I'm fine smuggling in crappy snacks. But I'm not fine with this. Axl needs to go to Europe. I'm not talking about letting him go. I'm saying he needs to go. This might be the only chance he ever gets. He needs to go, Mike. I will happily eat off-brand peanut-butter cups for the rest of my life, but he needs to go.

Axl: Can't Brick just do it for me?
Brick: Can't. I'm stretching my back. I think it was a reading injury. Last week, I did a page turn while reaching for a pretzel.

Mike: I'm not sending my son halfway around the world when he can't even figure out a way to take his socks off with his hands. I don't get you at all right now, Frankie.
Frankie: Look, it's hard for you to understand 'cause you're not a carefree person. It's not your fault. It's just the way you're made. You're a straight arrow. You know what my mom said when she first met you? You're like a young Henry Fonda.
Mike: Henry Fonda?
Frankie: What's wrong with Henry Fonda?
Mike: Oh, I was thinking of Henry Winkler.
Frankie: What's wrong with Henry Winkler? Look, the point is, you're Henry Fonda and me and Axl are... Errol Flynn. We're swashbucklers. We're carefree.
Mike: You know who else is carefree? Rusty.
Frankie: Yeah, but Axl's not like Rusty. He's a 23-year-old kid who just wants to have an amazing experience.
Mike: There's no such thing as a 23-year-old kid. He's a 23-year-old man who's got to stop putting off being a man and face reality.
Frankie: Yeah, well, reality bites the bazoonie.
Mike: Eh, well, the sooner he finds that out, the sooner he can get used to it. While you and Axl are off swashbuckling, it's my job in this family to keep our feet on the ground. I feel strongly about this, Frankie. You got to back me up here.
Frankie: Fine. If Axl's not going, maybe Kenny will invite me. [laughs] Just kidding. Boo, Europe.

Mike: A messenger just dropped off a passport for your son. He still thinks he's going to Europe.
Axl: Of course I'm going! It's Europe!
Mike: We settled this.
Axl: Yeah, it's settled. I'm going. You get it, right, Mom?
Frankie: Yeah, I... [Mike looks at Frankie] oh.
Mike: [sighs] This isn't about you wanting to go to Europe. This is about grabbing on to any chance you can to avoid real life.
Axl: I have always wanted to go to Europe... always. Invent a TV that turns on when you wake up, go to Europe... those are my two dreams.
Mike: Come on. The only time you've mentioned London or France is in that rhyme about seeing someone's underpants.
Axl: [laughs] [groans] "Underpants" makes me laugh, but I am very angry. You will not disarm me with humor.

Sue: I don't get it, Brick. I left a note several days ago. Why hasn't anyone called me?
[Brick sits on his chair in the bathroom as he brushes his teeth]
Brick: [sighs] It's clear what's happening here. They're lawyering up.
Sue: What?
Brick: You left the scene of the crime, you admitted guilt, you gave a timeline of events... you pretty much handed them everything they need. They're gonna throw the book at you. But as long as I can bring this chair to prison, I'll come visit. [spits and misses the sink]
Sue: Brick.
Brick: I didn't say it was a perfect system.

Frankie: What do you need for Europe? Get your passport, I'll get your bag ready.
Axl: Wait, is that stuff clean or dirty?
Frankie: Who cares? French people smell bad... everybody loves that about them. Jeans, boxers.
Axl: Am I really doing this? What about Dad?
Frankie: I'll take care of Dad. Oh! Coat. Coat. And, um, umbrella. Book! Gonna need a book for the plane. Ooh, I got one. Okay, this is written as a fictional conversation between a woman and her uterus, but it's really funny. Neck pillow!

Frankie: You can talk now.
Mike: I don't want him to go.
Frankie: Oh, my God, what is with you? You are so stubborn. Just let him have fun. It's his last summer.
Mike: Exactly. After this, he moves into an apartment, then a house. He'll have his own family. And that's it. I thought we'd at least have him for the summer, you know? We'd maybe, uh, you know, watch some games, shoot some hoops. Europe's far. It's just... far.
Frankie: That is so freaking Henry Fonda. [hugs Mike] Okay, move, move, move.
Mike: He's leaving right now?
Frankie: Plane leaves at 4:00.
Mike: [sighs] We'll take 39, it's faster.

Frankie: Where's your toothbrush?
Axl: Can't bring a toothbrush.
Frankie: No, that's toothpaste. What would possibly be the problem with a toothbrush?
Axl: My God, I can think of three different ways to kill someone with a toothbrush.
Frankie: Brick, Axl's taking your toothbrush to Europe.