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‘The Friend’ Quotes Page 1 of 3    

The Middle: The Friend

413. The Friend

Aired January 23, 2013

Frankie gets overly involved when she encourages Mike to hang out with their new neighbor, Jeff (David Koechner). Sue is unhappy when the cheerleaders take over supporting the wresting team. Meanwhile, Brick causes Axl to question whether he's intellectually compatible with Cassidy.

Quote from Frankie

Jeff: Hey, Frankie! Told you. Never forget.
Frankie: Oh. You out getting some exercise?
Jeff: [laughs] No. I was just returning those casserole dishes to the Donahues. You didn't want that paper plate back, did you?
Frankie: Oh, no. That is our gift to you. [both laugh] You know, Jeff, this might sound weird, but you're really friendly, and my husband... well, he's not always, and I was just wondering if maybe you could ask him to hang out sometime.
Jeff: Oh. Uh...
Frankie: I don't want to imply that he doesn't have any friends. It's just, his dad is a recluse, and Mike definitely has those tendencies. Not that he's gonna become one, but you know, in the back of my mind, I worry about it. Oh, he's also a hoarder. Mike's dad is, not Mike. Anyway...
Jeff: Listen, Frankie, I've got one rule in life: I'll have a beer with anyone.

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Quote from Mike

Mike: You're telling guys I'm shy? First off, you don't use that word. And if anything, it's "stoic."
Frankie: Mike, it's not like I'm going around talking about you. I only said you were... stoic as to how it related to your dad.
Mike: W-what are you doing talking about my dad?
Frankie: I don't know, just how you can be sort of like him, and how he hardly leaves the house and he's a hoarder, and he-
Mike: Are you out of your mind?
Frankie: Mike, who cares? If you had a good time, what does it matter how you and Jeff got together?
Mike: Because I'm a grown man! Your wife doesn't call other grown men and ask them to take you out. It's weird.
Frankie: Yeah, but you weren't doing it.
Mike: I'm not 5, Frankie. I don't need you to set up playdates for me. I have friends, okay?
Frankie: And I told him that. I totally told him you have friends.
Mike: Aah!

Quote from Brick

Axl: I need you to teach me stuff so I can talk to people.
Brick: It's Cassidy, isn't it? You're feeling intellectually inferior.
Axl: No. But if you must know, I feel she's smarter than me.
Brick: Ah. I knew this day would come a day I'd become more to you than something to Indian burn, whip a towel at, or force to smell your farts.
Axl: Just shut up and help me.

Quote from Frankie

Frankie: [v.o.] Well, Axl might have been feeling victorious, but I was feeling a little guilty. I'd overstepped my bounds, and I knew I had to fix things.
Frankie: [on the phone] Hi, Jeff? It's Frankie, your new neighbor. Yeah, hi. So here's the thing... Mike had a really good time the other night, and I know he would love to do it again, but he's not exactly the type to pick up the phone. Not that he's socially awkward. He has friends. So if I didn't make that clear before, he does. But he also has that loner DNA... I mean, you should meet his brother. The guy lived in a tent for a year. But anyway, if you wanted to ask him out again, that would be great.
[Mike walks into the kitchen and casts a shadow next to Frankie]
Frankie: [on the phone] But he was a little hinky that I asked you in the first place, so if you talk to him, maybe you don't mention that I call... Okay. Talk later. Bye. [hangs up]
Mike: Have you lost your mind?

Quote from Axl

Cassidy: Axl. What are you doing here?
Axl: Why wouldn't I be here?
Cassidy: 'Cause the pep rally is going on. And if everybody's not suitably peppy, there's no way we'll take down Roosevelt.
Axl: Eh, I don't wanna be there. I wanna be here, because art is awesome. [laughs] Ooh. Like what you're doing. Sort of reminds me of, uh, Van Gogh's Starry Night, which he actually painted from memory during the day. So... uh, did you know Van Gogh did his most famous paintings the last two years of his life? Also, To Kill A Mockingbird is a significant book. I could talk about that for hours. I can also talk about Catcher In The Rye, but not for as long.

Quote from Frankie

Frankie: [v.o.] I thought about it, and Mike's right. I stepped over the line with Jeff. So I did what I should have done right from the beginning... I called his wife.
Frankie: [on the phone] Hi, Colleen, it's Frankie, your neighbor. I hope you don't mind me leaving a message on your cell, but... Well, I was a bit of a dope, and I called Jeff so he would call Mike again, and Mike found out. And I promised him I wouldn't call Jeff again. So that's why I'm reaching out to you, just wife-to-wife. 'Cause it would be silly if they didn't get together because of what I did. So if you could tell your husband to just call my husband so they could grab another beer, that would be great.
Frankie: [on the phone] Hi. It's Frankie calling back real quick. Now that I thought about it, maybe don't tell Jeff I called you, 'cause that might be weird.
Frankie: [on the phone] Hi. Frankie again. You know how I said in the last message not to tell Jeff I called you? I realized I shouldn't ask you to lie to your husband. So however you wanna handle it amongst yourselves is your business, but how 'bout no one tell Mike? [laughs] Just let's none of us tell Mike, okay?
Frankie: [on the phone] Sorry to call back again, but I just wanna be super-duper clear. 'cause you don't really know me, and I don't want you to think I keep secrets from my husband. 'cause I don't. We have a very good marriage. I mean, everybody has their problems. But I mean, it's good. No, it's solid.
Frankie: [on the phone] I feel like I'm starting to sound crazy. But someone who knows they're crazy isn't really crazy, right? Like Hitler.
Frankie: [on the phone] Oh, God, I just realized I mentioned Hitler, and that's really inappropriate. I don't even know if you're Jewish. Doesn't matter. Hitler's horrible for everybody. You know what? Let's just start over. You can tell Jeff whatever you want...

Quote from Axl

Brick: JD Salinger's famous book on teen angst is called "Catcher In The..."
Axl: "Rye." [Brick throws a chip into Axl's mouth]
Brick: The character Atticus Finch is from the book...
Axl: "To Kill A Mockingbird." [Brick throws a chip into Axl's mouth]
Brick: F.Scot t Fitzgerald's most famous novel is entitled "The Great..."
Axl: "Escape."
Brick: No. [eats chip]
Axl: Ugh. "Train Robbery."
Brick: Sorry. [eats chip]
Axl: Uh... the "Pumpkin, Charlie Brown." Wait. Wait. "Gatsby." "Great Gatsby." [Brick throws a chip into Axl's mouth] Whoo! Ha! I win! [empties bag of chips into his mouth]

Quote from Sue

Sue: Hey, Mom. I was just filling in my dates for Wrestlerettes. If you thought I was busy as a mascot, I am gonna get even busier as a Wrestlerette.
Frankie: Mm-hmm.
Sue: Seriously. I'm gonna be like one of those people who says they're crazy busy. That's how busy I'm gonna be. [laughs]

Quote from Mike

Frankie: [v.o.] Wow. Jeff was great. Just so much fun. And then I went back to my house.
Frankie: Ugh. It's so depressing in here. A little light wouldn't kill you, Mike. You're not a bat.
Mike: Hey. What are you doing? It was fine in here.
Frankie: No, it was dank. You know, it was just so much fun over at the new neighbors' house. There were these guys watching the game, and they were all friendly and festive...
Mike: You didn't invite 'em over, did you?
Frankie: No, Mike. I didn't invite anybody over.
Mike: Attagirl.
Frankie: You know what? Forget it. Just sit here alone in the dark and watch your TV. [Mike signals for Frankie to move out of the way of the TV]

Quote from Brick

Brick: It's nice to finally see your face. I've really only seen the back of your head before. You have a very oblong head. [whispers] Oblong.
Cassidy: Hey. You're into Planet Nowhere? God, I spent so much time reading those books, my vision started to blur.
Brick: Really? You, too?
Cassidy: Who's your favorite character?
Both: Soran!
Brick: So many people prefer the Vernegos... but not me.
Axl: Brick! Go nerd out somewhere else.
Brick: Silligan. Am I right?

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