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‘Year of the Hecks’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

The Middle: Year of the Hecks

312. Year of the Hecks

Aired January 4, 2012

As the Hecks step into 2012, Frankie decides that they should set eachother's New Year's resolutions this year.

Quote from Axl

Axl: Bam! You owe me a giant cookie.
Mike: What are you talking about?
Axl: Whenever we'd pass by Mrs. Gooch's in the mall, I'd ask for a giant cookie, and you'd always say, "If you get an A' on a report card, we'll get you a cookie." Well, in fifth grade English, I was one paper away from an A. This paper. If I had turned it in, I would have gotten an A. I want my cookie.
Frankie: But you didn't turn it in.
Axl: I'm just saying, I never worked so hard on anything in my life. This is the best thing I ever wrote.
Mike: "Fire trucks and why they're awesome."
Axl: Damn straight. I did it. I earned the A. I earned my cookie.
Frankie: Yeah, but you didn't get an A on your report card. You got a B.
Axl: But if I had turned it in, I would have gotten an A.
Mike: And you would have gotten a cookie okay.
Axl: [chuckles] Okay. You know why fire trucks are awesome? 'Cause when they promise to put out a fire, they do it. So unless the next words out of your mouth is, "Here's a giant cookie, Axl," this conversation is over!


Quote from Frankie

Mike: How was your day?
Frankie: It was the best, Mike. The best. Brick and I spent the whole day at Ehlert's just hanging and laughing and talking. And the coolest part is that I really think Brick got how much he means to me and that he's not the forgotten third kid, you know? Oh, and his favorite color's yellow, by the way. And the reason he rolls up his pajama bottoms is 'cause he's worried he's gonna trip in his dreams. Oh!
Mike: Glad you guys had fun. Where is he? Brick. Brick.
Frankie: Oh, my God. I left him at work.

Quote from Frankie

Frankie: Okay. Shh. My turn. "Spend more time with Brick." Oh, wow. Well, I get the best resolution of all of them. Oh, this is great. Yay!
[later, in their room:]
Frankie: I'm a bad mom, Mike, a bad, bad mom.
Mike: Okay, it's 2:30. Just tell me what you need to hear.
Frankie: My own son couldn't even tell me he needed me. He had to write it in a resolution and he's right. He's the third kid. He totally got the shaft. You know, when I had Axl, I didn't even work that whole first year. And with Sue, I took, like, three months off. But with Brick, I only took a week.
Mike: And technically, that was to raise the Fergusons' baby.
Frankie: It's true. He didn't even get a day, not one day. It's just that he's so quiet, you know? Makes him easy to ignore.
Mike: I've always considered that one of his better qualities.
Frankie: I'm serious, Mike. What do we really know about him? With Axl, I know that he won't eat bread ends, that he loves the color green. And Sue could live off of potato chips, and she loves any shampoo that smells like peach. But with Brick, I know he likes to read. That's it. Do I know what his favorite color is? No. I'm a lazy mother, Mike. A lazy, lazy mother.
Mike: You really think I don't smile?

Quote from Brad

Sue: Mom? Dad? Guess what? Brad has huge news.
Brad: I'm a wrestler!
Frankie & Mike: Oh!
Mike: You gonna wear that around all the time?
Brad: Good one, Mr. Heck. I wanted to wear this out today 'cause we just got our costumes.
Mike: I'd go with "uniforms."
Brad: Check out these moves. Go ahead, Mr. Heck. Try and tip me over.
Mike: I'm good.
Sue: Is it okay if we go into my room?
Mike: I'd actually prefer it.

Quote from Brad

Sue: I just don't get it. Why would someone in my family not want me to go out for things? It doesn't make any sense.
Brad: These straps are really digging into my shoulders. Oh! I'm gonna bring it up at the next rehearsal.

Quote from Axl

Axl: Uh, look, Mrs. Colavita... I've never got an A on a report card that wasn't P.E., ever. If I could do this, it could be a turning point in my life. So if you could just sign a form or something saying I turned the paper in, I can...
Mrs. Colavita: Not so fast. In order for me to give you an A in the class, you need to get an A on this paper. Now, you handed it in six years late, so I should probably deduct... a point a year seems fair, so you're down to 94. Missed comma - 93, incomplete sentence - 92, no paragraph indent...
Axl: Well...
Mrs. Colavita: You misspelled "there."
Axl: I did?
Mrs. Colavita: Axl. You're in high school now. Have you finally learned the different spellings of "there," "their," and "they're?"
Axl: I can almost guarantee it.
Mrs. Colavita: Great. "I really enjoyed seeing all the fire trucks there." Spell "there."
Axl: Heh. Uh... T-h-e... I... [a boy coughs] Know that's not right. Uh, t-h-e... y... [a girl shakes her head] Am I saying that when I know it's wrong? [chuckles] Is it one of those silent letters, like in "psycho?" [Mrs. Colarita sighs] Uh, p-t-h... e... Uh...

Quote from Brick

Frankie: [v.o.] Okay, I knew the car dealership was completely lame, but I was desperate. Turns out I didn't have to worry about Brick. Without a book in his face, he was like a blind man seeing the world for the first time. [Brick raises himself up and down on the chair] The chair took up two hours, and things just got better from there. [Brick dances with the inflate tube man]
Brick: So what happens when you have to go to the bathroom?
Frankie: I just go.
Brick: You don't have to raise your hand?
Frankie: Nope.
Brick: Whoa.
[later, Frankie and Brick stare up at the roof while sitting in a convertible:]
Brick: Did you know you have the coolest job?
Frankie: Well, Mr. Ehlert's not here today. Some days are better than others. But this has been a really good day, Brick. So have you had enough of this one? Can I interest you in a new model, sir? Maybe a sensible sedan?
Brick: No, I'm comfortable here. Besides, it's yellow. It's my favorite color.

Quote from Axl

Frankie: [v.o.] Axl became, however briefly, an A student.
Axl: Bam. Check it out. Got an "A in fifth grade English. Ooh.
Frankie: You really bothered your old teacher about this?
Axl: Yep, and she changed my grade. I mean, it was after the fact, so it's posthumous ["post-hue-mus"] of course, but still... I got the bod. I got the hair. Now I got the brains. I'm an A student, A as in Ax-cellent. Ha. See what I did there? T-h-e-r-e.

Quote from Mike

Frankie: Hey, where you been?
Mike: I'll tell you where I've been. I went to the bank, and what should have taken 2 minutes took 20 because I smiled at the teller, whose name is Tina, by the way. She's a grandmother, and she has a dog, and she likes tuna fish without mayo. This is why I don't smile at people. Because it's just an invitation into boring people's lives. Now I have to learn how to use the A.T.M.

Quote from Frankie

Police Officer: Going a little fast there.
Axl: T-h-e-r-e! [the officer shines the light in Axl's eyes] Ow.
Frankie: I-I'm really sorry, but I'm trying to get to my son. The thing is, I don't spend any time with him, and then I did, and then I left him, and now he's alone, and he could be lost or freezing, and it's all because we were trying to get him to stop reading.
Police Officer: Do I need to call social services here?
Frankie: No, that's okay. We're already in the system. No, I mean, it wasn't anything big, just me hitting him with a beer bottle. But I didn't really, see? It was trash day.
Mike: Excuse me. Officer? Maybe I can clear things up. [smiles]

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